Changin' Things up a Little

As you may or may not know, Herd management is in the sewer as far as mental happiness regarding the season thus far for the Beloved Herd. A punishment was handed down Friday asking that each Herd athlete shelve his or her Herd jersey for this upcoming contest with the wings. Thanks to the ever bubbly personality of The Fantasy, Erin Haneline, this punishment has been transformed into what I consider to be the most epic event in Herd History.

This Thursday my friends, instead of wearing our normal Herd Jerseys, we will wear the most ridiculous, embarrassing and or ugly t shirt that we own for our game with the Wings. For example, some will be wearing the ever famous "Tuxedo" t shirts, while others will be wearing Faux Christmas Sweater T Shirts or even 70's Lionel Ritchie T shirts! THE CHOICE IS YOURS!!!

If this does not get us back in the win column, Herd Management will resort to paddling those with poor performances.

Dont Stop Believin'

Last night:
Lab Rats 13 Herd 12
Energy 7 Mullen 2
YMCA 13 ECW 7

NEXT WEEK!!
Herd v/s Wings 7:30
Energy v/s YMC 6:30
Mullen v/s Lab Rats 8:30

Standings:
YMC A's 2-0
Lab Rats 2-0
Energy 1-1
ECW 1-1
Herd 1-2
Mullen 0-2

Absent Next Week:
??

Herd Notes:
Herd has a sub .500 record for the first time in 4 years
Herd has a 2 game losing streak for the first time in 4 years

Blog Plug: http://www.purpleherd.blogspot.com
Game Notes:
Respected author Charles Dickens once coined the phrase, "It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times. what in the @#9@ is wrong with the Herd?" It what has become one of the most depressing nights of the week for Herd Management, the Once Mighty Purple Herd suffered another heart crushing defeat at the hands of the undefeated Lab Rats by a score of 13-12.

The game got off to a hot and almost sexy start as Bryan "pregame king" "Mr. doubles" stepped up his game and recorded a leadoff triple, however,despite the superhuman efforts of We$ by gosh firkin Miller and Shannon Craft award, the Inglorious Purpstards were unable yet again to get over the hump in the 7th inning. While the season may appear to be taking an unfortunate unc'esq downward spiral into the darkest pits of softball depravity, there is still hope to turn it around. If nothing else, we have officially found our inspiration and motivation to succeed, and that motivation is the pitcher for the Rats. Never before has Herd Management witnessed a more classless and inhumane performance by an opposing pitcher. From this point forward, the rats are our new Compensated. This will be our launching pad to resurrect our season. Friends, we shall not lose another game.

Herd Management would like to thank Heather "seriously, its been like 24 games and still not one single ice cream sandwich" Miller for her heroic efforts at 2nd base. Despite playing with one of the most gruesome injuries to both of her quads that has ever been medically recorded, Mrs. Miller made some of the most spectacular plays at that position in the history of sports. Also playing out of position for a good portion of this game, CNix made a few plays in the outfield that would make Willie Mays Hays envious. Another bright spot on this otherwise deeply depressing evening was the play from behind the plate by Herd Rookie Tonya Burleson. The catch on the baseline was a thing of beauty and grace normally reserved for Broadway ballet performances and SNL skits. Yet another player who deserves some high accolades, THE FANTASY, Erin Hanelene, was 3 for 3 in pinch running opportunities. I will leave that up to the masses to figure out what exactly that means, but congratulations anyway! Yet another player playing out of position, Biggie, Triple Zero, The Gazelle was able to come in cold off the bench and deliver two humongous, biggie sized RBI's that helped bring the team out of its offensive funk and back into contention.

There were some truly bright candles in this otherwise dark dark night. Shane McLane defended the Herd Honor by heckling the deserving Rats pitcher during his 5th inning tirade. Shannon Craft Award picked up where she left off at the end of last season, going a blustery 3-3 on the evening and not making ONE SINGLE ERROR in right Field!! We$ by gosh frikin Miller's 2 jacks in the 3rd and 4th inning were proof that one man can make a difference to the hearts and souls of this softball family. Scott "Goose" Walkush, our heart, our rock, our leader, was once again the most dominating force the co-rec softball world has ever witnessed on the mound and on the basepaths. The epic slide into 3rd that kept a rally going last night was not necessarily a thing of beauty, but it was a thing none the less. Last, but certainly not least, Jennifer "please never leave me" Miller's performance in the field last night, despite facing a 5,331,665,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 pound glowing celestial object for most of the game was nothing short than a thing of beauty. Even more beautiful was Miller's late night Facebook chat with Herd Management, ensuring HM that the Herd will, oh yes they will, turn around this bleak and emotionally devastating season.

Herd News!
Herd Management has made a decision that will not be popular with the club. Herd Jerseys and the color Purple will be officially BANNED from the field starting this Thursday and will last until the Herd is back above .500.

***Evening Awards*** (once again limited due to the loss)

The "Shannon Craft" award for being Shannon Craft goes to Shane McLane for his retaliation against the highly intoxicated Lab Rat Pitcher.

The "Redding/Haneline" award for most gut wrenching slide goes to SCOTT WALKUSH!!!! If we cant win the game, at least take out their catcher baby!!

Random Herd Facts (fyi, when we stop sucking, so will these facts):
When the Herd gets pulled over for speeding, The Herd lets the cop off with a warning.
Helen Kellers favorite color is Purple.
Everybody loves Raymond. Except for the Herd.

And now your punishment for the two game losing streak:
A string once walked into a bar and ordered a drink. The bartender said "I'm sorry string, we dont serve strings in this bar." The string walked outside the bar and tied himself into a knot and frayed up his hair and walked back into the bar and ordered another drink. The bartender said, "arent you that string that was just in here?" The string said, "no, I'm afraid not"


Thank you for your continued support of Herd Athletics

Michael Swaim | Herd Administration
Sad Bear

Another sad Herd song racking my brain like crazy

Game Notes:
2010 Butler Bulldogs to the Duke Blue Devils. 1986 Boston Redsox to the NY Mets. 2000 Tennessee Titans to the St. Louis Rams . These are 3 of the most devastating and emotionally draining loses in the history of sports. Ever. You can now add last nights Purple Herd stunning loss to the YMC A’s to that deeply depressing list.
The evening for the Big Purps began strong, with a historic pregame festivity dinner at Herd favorite Finnegans that included sweet potato fries and super Herd fan and star of the hit cinematic thriller P.C.U, Jeremy Piven. The Herd athletes in attendance were being confused early and often for Winston Salem Dash players, at times being stalked and almost physically harassed into giving fans autographs, pictures and tasty olive dip. This would turn out to be a negative omen for the events that were to come however, for it is a rare occurrence that the Herd is mistaken for a lesser group of so called athletes.
The Mighty Purps put the embarrassment of being mistaken for a High Single A ball club behind them and stormed out of the gates to take an early 2-0 lead behind the mighty bat of pregame festivity Hero Bryan “I’ll take 2 please” Timmons and Herd rookie Jennifer “where the heck have you been my whole life?” Miller. The fun would end there as the up and coming YMC A’s would put 3 on the board in the bottom of the 1st. It would be a telling sign when 2009 MVP Chris Nixon hits a shot down the third baseline that was traveling so fast it produced a jet stream, striking the A's 3rd basewoman squarely in the face, yet she still has enough time to regroup and throw out the speedy Nixon. This single play has prompted Herd Management to request that the YMC A's be tested for performance and gender enhancing drugs at the next league meeting. Despite what many pundits consider the most amazing bounce back pitching performance in the prestigious history of the sport by the Gazzelle, the A’s were able to slowly extend their lead to 3 by the 3rd inning. The 3 run lead would have been insurmountable had it not been for the heroics at 2nd base by the reigning MVP and newly engaged Jessica “You still a freak” Hendrix and a spectacular Jeff Franceour’esq catch by Super Legend Ashley Perdue in right field.
The defensive efforts in the 5th inning lit a fire under the dormant bats of the Herd. Led by perhaps the most physically, mentally and emotionally dominating athletic presence this world or any other world has ever seen, We$ "by gosh frikin" Miller got things going in the top of the 7th to lead a voilently furious rally to take a 2 run lead. Thanks to some timly hitting by super rookies Shane "No Glove!" McLane, Jennifer "my favorite facebook friend" Miller and Tonya "You have a tatoo on your leg" Burleson that allowed the Freak Miller to hit a towering pop fly that drove in 3 to put the Herd up by 2 runs, or 3 if you are a YMC A scorekeeper.
The lead woudl be short lived however, as the A's were able to get all 3 runs back in the next two innings to stun the Amazing Purps in 9 innings.

A tremendous amount to respect in this game must be given to the Haneline/Miller sisters for not only physically but vocally leading the almost miraculous rally past the undefeated A's. Both sisters came into this game with debalitiating injuries that would have your average Dash player hospatilized for weeks. In this game however, the Haneline/Miller sisters showed what it means to be True Purple. From taking out players, fans and umps with flying rouge bats to giving words of advice to Herd Management, reminiscent of fortune cookie fortunes, these two ladies stand out in an otherwise deeply depressing, emotionally draining and highly solemn evening that has driven Herd management into fits of rage, uncontrollable tears, and deep depression over the past 12 hours.

Herd News!
Official WS Dash Coordinator, Bryan Timmons has stumbled upon an amazing opportunity for the ORIGINAL team in Purple. If we can get 20 people together to go to a WS Dash game, we can all come together on the HR Deck and have our name announced on the huge scoreboard during the game. Please let me and Mr. Timmons know when you can do this. I believe the hope was for next Tuesday to make this happen. Tickets are only $9.00 and I think this would be an important venture to get our names back out in the community in the comming days ahead.

***Evening Awards*** (limited due to the loss)

The "Shannon Craft" award for being Shannon Craft goes to Scott Walkush. Think on that one for a second.

The "Redding/Haneline" award for most gut wrenching slide goes to We$ by gosh frikin Miller for his high wire act of a defensive play about 130 yards into left center field.


Random Herd Facts:
The Herd eats steak for every single meal. Most times they forgets to kill the cow.

The Herd does not own a stove, oven or microwave because revenge is a dish best served cold (that’s for you YMC A’s!)

The Herd does not get frostbite. The Herd bites frost.

The Herd eats beef jerky and poops gunpowder. Then, thye use that gunpowder to make a bullet, which they uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."

Herd is BACK!

Courtesy of Special Herd Correspondent Mr. Shane McLane....

Greetings Herd Purps! (I neglected Erin, I think, due to the fact that her inbox SURELY would have erupted after receiving this bit of news!!)
I don’t know if others in the Thursday night crowds (including Prince and his Purpleness Revolution) realize this, but as the 2010 rookie of the Mighty Purple Herd, I now see why this virtually unstoppable squad is the most dominant and powerful team within the last millennia! Not only did they prevail in last night’s tsunami-like rainfall, it’s HOW they ascertained their opening victory.
As I slowly strolled up the asphalt JUST before the first pitch from the camouflaged Mulleners I pondered “will the Herd triumph within the mired, puddle-filled infield and marshy outfield”? Is it possible? Well, it didn’t take long to figure out one of MY life’s most burning questions.
As liquid precipitation began to descend upon the finest team to ever tread within the confines of Washington National Park, it quickly became apparent that the Herd came for one reason and one reason only, TO ANNIHILATE! From the 1st inning onward, the bats (the mighty orange and black freak among them) were on fire! They flaunted a conflagration of flames that could not be quenched even by the 1st inning rains.
Therefore, the showers turned into a most monstrous fa shizzile, mizzle drizzle, that has reportedly triggered the indefinite closure of the newly erected downtown BB&T Ballpark. That didn’t stop the Herd! The 2nd base wonder-woman prevented even the most hard-hit line drives from leaving the infield. Two 300 mph drives were snagged by Scott “the Muther Goose” Walkush at his pitching mountain. And as if the Herd’s 12-0 lead wasn’t embarrassing enough, Goose’s collaboration with short-stop We$ley Swipes at 2nd base turned a 1st base overthrown ball into a resounding OUTTA THERE at bag # 2, IN THE FREAKING POURING DRENCHED SOAKING RAIN! Oh, and let’s not forget Goose’s inside the park homerun and dos strikeouts. (do I hear debut MVP?)
I apologized if I deliriously omitted anyone’s finer moments last night. Everyone was AWESOME, reminding the population of Winston Salem why softball seasons exist across the country. It is because the HERD is BACK!!

Preseason Domination, Herd Style

Next Game:
April 8 @ Groomingdales 6:30 Washington Pk #4

Preseason Standings:
Herd 1-0
ECW 0-1

Herd Notes:
No Herd Notes

Game Notes:
When other mere mortal athletic squads have accomplished life goals of dominating their sport, they tend to become complacent and let their guards down. Not the Mighty Purple Herd my friends. In what will be forever known as the most intensely epic and virtually flawless preseason scrimmage effort in the history of organized sports, The defending World Champion Purple Herd completely and utterly decimated the prohibitive preseason #2 team in the Thursday Co-Rec League, the East Coast Wings, by a final imagined score of 48-6. The scintillatingly and historic middle infield of We$ Miller and his spouse, Heather Miller turned a career high 11 double plays in the 1st inning of the route, setting the tone for the remainder of the evening. Not only did We$ give us flashes of pure genius at shortstop, he also hit a towering home run in the first inning that made the entire ECW team reconsider their decision to join the league. The 2009 TarHeel league pitcher of the year, Scott "Goose" Walkush was placed in a position to not only hone his skills against the opposition, he also decided to pitch to his own teammates. While this alone would be worthy of praise and accolades normally reserved for princesses of foreign 3rd world countries, Goose also pitched to himself, the children in attendance and random conspicuous figures walking dogs up the street.
Offensively, the story of the game is the fastest big man on the planet, Chad "The Gazelle" Biggie. The Gazelle was already in midseason gazelle like form, with his blinding scampers around the basepaths and mindnumbingly quick reflexes in the outfield to almost make a play on a ball. While the Gazelle was able to maintain his normal indy car like speed around the basepaths, MVP CNix decided to reign it in a bit with a shot to left center field that allowed Mr. Nix to take a break from any competitive like baserunning. Herd Rookies Shane "nobody hates complesated like" McLane and Jennifer "UpGrade" Miller brought relief to Herd Management with their stellar defense emotional offensive ability on this evening. These two rookies should make the losses of AnnAmanda, CDub, and Amanda bearable.
Erin "Fantasy" Haneline, back from her 6 month self imposed Herd Banishment, showed why she is the most feared hitter in all of Professional Co-Rec Softball. Literally. May God have mercy on the shins and knees of the catcher while the fantasy is batting.

Herd Business:
As you may already know, Herd Management will be on a recruiting trip to City Field on April 8, marking the first missed game in 11 years. Managerial duties will be awarded to the Gazelle on this evening. We will have our final preseason practice next week on Field #4 at 6:00. "If you cant be there on time, be there early"-H. Miller.

***Evening Awards (since it is preseason, limited awards will be given)***

The "Kei$ha" award for having the best pedicure on her toes, toes goes Erin Haneline for her numerous Softballs to the Feet outfield endeavors.

The "Noah's Ark" award for pitching 40 days and 40 nights with of pitches goes to Goose. (credit Haneline for this award)

Random Herd Facts (random facts are limited in the preseason):
Weeping Willows are a result of The Herd yelling at trees for not being awesome enough.

ITS SOFTBALL SEASON!!

Look outside your window dear friends of Purp...ITS SOFTBALL SEASON!! I have just returned from the league office where I had a teleconference with our good friend Todd Barr. We are OFFICIALLY all set for Thursday Night Domination starting this April. Mr. Barr has made me aware of 3 rule changes for this season:

1: We can ONLY use yellow balls.
2: The Pitch height has been changed to 6'-10'
3: We can use rubber tips on our bats this year. (TWSS)

I have moved our practice back one week due to the chill in the air for this Thursday. Our first practice will be Thursday, March 11 at 6:00 at Washington Park.

For those of you that have sent in your league fees, I thank you. For those of you that haven't. Do it. Do it. You can send your $25.00 to the following address:

Herd Management
Attn: Mike Swaim
1024 Cowbell Drive
Jonesville, NC 28642

I strongly encourage handwritten notes of encouragement such as ICS Heather Miller provided over the weekend. These letters not only boost management morale and ego, they also provide proof to Herd Management Spouse that Herd Management is actually part of a softball team and not involved in some sort of Mafia Led Conspiracy to take over the world.

Also, I have a bit of a surprise for the Mighty Purps. Over the weekend, Herd Management sat down with Superstar Recording Artist Jay Sean to pen this year's Official Herd Song! Last year's song, "The Climb" was truly the sole motivation for the Herd in its quest for 2 consecutive World Championships. This years song is even more adrenaline pumping emotion and at this time, I would like to provide you some of the key lyrics to This Years Herd Song, "DO YOU REMEMBER, BRING IT BACK!!

I've been thinking about Herd
And how we used to be then
Back when we didn't have to live we could start again

If it's alright with you then it's alright with me
Baby let's take this time let's make new memories

Do you remember do you remember do you remember
All of the times we had
Do you remember do you remember do you remember
All of the times we had
Let's bring it back (Bring it back!)<----YES!!!
Let's bring it back (Bring it back!)<----YES!!!
Let's bring it back (Bring it back!)<----YES!!!
Let's bring it back (Bring it back!)<----YES!!!
Let's bring it back

I encourage each of you to download this song ASAP, listen, learn and dwell in what our ultimate goal is this year my friends....to BRING IT BACK!! Holla!

Lastly, Former Herd Superstar Amanda Redding has asked if any Herd Men might be interested in playing in a charity softball game to raise money for the infant son of one of her friends that has some serious health issues. Herd Management 100% endorses this event and would like to encourage each of you to participate if possible. Knees Redding will be following up with us with more details soon!

Its Time

It is that time once again my Purple Champions, time to gird up our loins to take the field of battle. While it may seem like it is still winter on the calendar, it is already time to start developing our normal dominating spring mentality. The League Meetings are a mere 2 weeks away, so I need to get a head count of who will be joining me for our title defense this spring.
Here are some things I already know:

1: Compensated does not want to play in the same league as us.
2: Some of Incented does not want to play in the same league as us.

Despite those two teams being the only two team to put a blemish on our otherwise masterful spring/fall records last year (albeit one game was in the mud and the other we had an issue with 93 outfield erros...not that I'm still bitter), we have apparently accomplished our goal of tearing down their softball Universe. This means that we will likely be playing against the likes of Tee Time, Quality Oil, Carlyle and Grady's Pub and other big softball names this year.

Here are the initial invitees to this spring roster:

Women:
Jessica Hendrix
Shannon Craft
Heather Haneline Miller
Erin Haneline
Ashley Perdue
Amanda Redding
AnnaManda Holland

Men:
The Gazzelle
Bryan Timmons
Wes By Gosh Frikin Miller
C-Dub
C-Nix
Scott Goose Walkush
Swaim

The league fee is $330.00. Using the Herd Calculator, that would come out to be about $24.00 per person with a 14 person roster. I would technically need to receive payment (if possible) BEFORE Friday, February 26, 2010. As always, Herd Management will take care of providing amazing softballs and practice fields.

Now for the schedule of events:
League meeting: March 2 (3 weeks away)
First Practice: March 4 (3 weeks away)
First Game: April 8 (8ish weeks away)

Now for the sad news...I will be out of town on April 8, 2010 visiting my home state of New York. Once the roster has been confirmed, I will be reaching out to one of you mighty souls to take over the "coaching" duties for that day. I will also need minute by minute Facebook, Twitter and SMS Text Message updates before, during and after the game.

Thank you for your continued support of Herd Athletics,