One small step for man, one softball to the face for all mankind

Game Notes:
In a week that was witness to such horrific and mindless tragedies such as Glee, Jennie Stencel, Rogue Softballs to the Face, disturbingly disgusting groin injuries and Kei$ha that has made this world a dark dark place, The MIGHTY PURPLE HERD lit the world on fire with an awe inspiring 13-3 win over the Scrappy Mullens.

Bryan “Cheek Seams” Timmons once again got the party started with his 1st at bat, drilling a scorching double into left center field. Timmons was able to go a blustery 3 for 3 at the plate before what will go down in history as one of the most disturbing facial softball injuries forced him out of the game. Timmons partner at the top of the lineup Erin “Shake it Shake it Shake it Ohh Ohhhh!” Haneline flashed her Gazelle’esq speed on numerous occasions on this evening on offense. Herd Management was witness to one of the most emotionally rewarding displays of hustle in Herd History as The Fantasy scorched the baseline in the 3rd inning to beat out a sharp grounder to 3rd base to keep the inning alive.
Chad “Trip Zero” Biggie continued to swing a bat hotter than a Lady GaGa hit on this special night, however it was his focused play at 3rd base that left the spectators in shock and awe. Reigning MVP Jessica “FREAK” Hendrix was able to put a debilitating illness behind her to put on a show at 2nd base and continues to pick up clutch hits in clutch situations that a mere mortal softball superstar. Herd Management knows that when the Freak takes the field that the Herd will always have a chance to win.

One of the true bright spots on a night that had so many positives was the overall play of Heather “Don't call my name, Alejandro” Miller. Alejandro, yet another Herd superstar facing injury and illness has become the steadying force of the middle of the Herd lineup with her ever improving offensive repertoire. Millers smooth play at the plate and rock solid contributions on defense reminds Herd Management of a young Brittany Spears in the prime of her career, belting out hit after hit and bring so much joy to the lives of everyone she comes into contact with. Another force in the middle of the lineup is Shane “A-Rod” O’MCLANE. While Shane is currently in the midst of his hottest batting streak in his young Herd career, it is OMC’s relentless and sometimes disturbingly “tear your heart out and spit on it” mentality that sets him apart from the most famous trash talkers in the history of co-rec softball.

Herd Management can not say enough (or could he?) about the fortitude of the most amazing athlete ever to don the Majestic Purple, Mr. We$ “@#%^@!!!!” Miller. Less than one week after Miller suffered one of the most gruesome injuries in the prestigious history of Herd groins, Miller stepped up to the plate in the bottom of the 2nd inning and delivered one of the most cinematically scripted home runs ever witnessed. We$ conjured the ghost of 1988 Kirk Gibson and delivered most amazing and game defining home runs of the season.

Another Herd Superstar playing at or near the top of his game this season is CNIX “Hispanic All Star” Nixon. With the exception of one massive pop fly that literally drew rain, CNIX delivered a punishing execution of offensive fire power that had the Mullen Defense playing on the other side of the fence. CNIX has also become a valuable contributor to the ever popular PGF with his wisdom and wit that has ever PGF in attendance groveling at his feet for more. More of what is still to be determined.

In a night that was all about lighting the world on fire, no report would be complete without mentioning Jennifer “Ima bus yo face” Miller. Miller brings a level of intensity to the Glorious Herd that has never been seen in its illustrious history of existence. There are times when J-Mill is at bat that you can literally feel the vibrations of her rage and fury as she grips the bat, ready to attack the softball like a rabid alpaca in heat. Thank you, J-Mill, for being with us instead of against us.

Yet another player who continues her assault on the all time Herd record books is fan favorite, Shannon Craft Award. It is getting old writing about her typical 3-3, perfect defense, perfect demeanor, perfect attitude performance, so at this time, HM will make something up. Shannon Craft was physically attacked by a flock of wild bats on this evening, giving her super hero bat like instincts when the sun goes down. Shannon put her super hero powers into action during the 3rd inning when a rogue ice cream salesman attacked the field in an attempt to bring down Co-Rec softball. Shannon swooped down from her nesting area in left center field and was able to foil the potential terrorist attack. She then sold her guano in an effort to fund the Mighty Purple Herd for the fall season.

A very special player made Herd History on this evening. Ashely “don’t call me Chipper” Perdue set a Herd single game record last night by playing 9 of the 11 possible positions on the field without making an error in 5 innings. Ashley shrugged off her pre game defensive suspension and went out like any professional and simply dominated her sport.

Last nights player of the game goes to our beloved pitcher, Scott “Goose””I hide my softball success from my family” Walkush. Goose delivered yet another inside the park, 3 rbi home run on this evening that set the tone for another Herd Mercy Rule win. Over the past 4 games, Goose is batting a blustery .875 with 13 rbi’s. If the offense weren’t enough to make you drop to your knees in emotional admiration of this sensational physical specimen, Walkush also made some of the most prolifically amazing bare handed stabs from the mound that you will ever see. Herd Management is confident that if Goose and Herd Management ever went camping near a creek, that 9 could use his surgically precise stabbing technique to bring in a delicious bounty of fish from a nearby lake.

Herd News!
Next week we play the YMC A’s and their traveling A fanatics in a life defining game that will determine the 2nd half, and perhaps league champions. I would like for everyone to start physically preparing for this contest on Sunday, and then start mentally preparing for it on Tuesday. Also, Pre Game Festivus will be held at Mellow Mushroom beginning at 5:20.

***Evening Awards***
The "Shannon Craft" award for being Shannon Craft goes to Ashely Perdue for being Ashley Perdue, Shannon Craft, Biggie, Wes, CNix, Heather and Jennifer. You ARE THE SHOW!

The "Redding/Haneline" award for most gut wrenching slide goes to BRYAN TIMMONS for his softball to the face!

Random Herd Facts:
Indians believed cameras stole the souls of those it took pictures of because The Herd typically stored the stolen souls of his friends in a Nikon camera he bought from a 1-armed French prostitute.

Once a cobra bit The Herd’s leg. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the cobra finally died.

The Herd doesn’t believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever the Herd goes becomes a state of Emergency, and when the Herd leaves, they leave a State of Destruction.

The Herd enjoys a good practical joke. Their favorite is when he removes your lower intestine and makes a balloon animal out of it.

Thank you for your continued support of Herd Athletics
Michael Swaim|Herd Administration
http://www.purpleherd.blogspot.com

How do you spell relief?

R-O-J-O. In case of pitching emergency, I think Herd Management should recruit Rojo Johnson.

Ale Ale-HERD-ro

Last night:
Herd 18 Energy 16
Mullen Less YMC A's More
Wings More Rats Less

NEXT WEEK!!
YMCA v/s Rats Washington 4 6:30
Herd v/s Mullen Washington 4 7:30
Energy v/s Wings Washington 4 8:30

Standings:
YMC A's 4-0
Lab Rats 3-1
Herd 3-2
Energy 1-3
ECW 1-3
Mullen 0-4

Absent Next Week:
??

Herd Notes:
Herd has finished above .500 in the 1st half for the 3rd consecutive season
Herd has scored the most runs of any team in the entire 1st half
Herd has had more celebrities to attend pregame festivities than any team in the league.

Game Notes:
In what Herd management considers the greatest non championship game night in his illustrious purple life, the MIGHTY PURPLE HERD rode the wave of the most magical pre game festivity ever to an epic win over the WS Energy’s by a final
score of 18-16.
Despite the conspicuous pregame absence from self proclaimed Herd Fanatic Maggie Ghylenhaal, the festivities got off to a fast start thanks to the musings from long time Herd supporter, Khang of Leon. Unfortunately, an overly aggressive group of Herd Fanatics became a little over excited and began giving the Glorious Purps a show for the ages. While super rookie Jennifer "JJ" Johnson received a slight neck strain from trying to obtain a more visually enhancing perspective for this interesting yet embarrassing display, it was Khangs of Leon who reaped the most benefits of being yet another celebrity Pre Game Festivity attendee. Also in attendance was local WXII 12 trafic correspondent, Jennie Stencel! Jennie, an obvious Herd Fanatic, was more than intrigued when offered a once in a lifetime opportunity to participate in a Herd game next week. It has recently come to Herd's attention however, that even though Jennie loves the Herd more than life itself, that any Herd representative, player, coach, or manager MUST stay at least 50 yards away from Mrs. Stencil at all times or face criminal prosecution to the fullest extent of the law. My bad.

On the field, it only took the Big Purps one inning to recover from the awesome car wreck of an adult rated pre game festivity. Falling behind 3-0 early, the MAJESTIC MIGHTY PURPS went wild in the bottom of the 1st inning, thanks in large part to We$ "BY GOSH FRIKIN" Miller's entrancing and life changing home run into the muggy night sky. Superstar Bryan "Pregame King, Doubles King, Leon King" Timmons got back to the basics Thursday and it paid off. Timmons' 3 doubles on the game makes him the most prolific doubles man in the history of co-rec or plan rec league softball history, moving him ahead of former 70's Softball superstar/disco champion Richard Lips. Congratulations to BT on this prestigious honor.
Not to be outdone on this glorious, yet overly saturated evening was the performance of Shannon "Gimp" Craft. Herd management can not remember a hotter streak of plate appearances not directly related to delicious Prime Rib delacies in the history of the League. Needless to say, Shannon Craft Award has stepped up in a huge way this season. Also continuing his monstrous season on this epic evening was Chad "THE GAZELLE" Biggie White. Going back through the scorebooks on the season, Herd Management could not be located where The Gazelle has not reached base in some capacity in every single game. While this stat may be slightly skewed due to the fact that The Privileged Herd rarely if ever actually keeps score, it is still worth noting. Also worth noting is the quite, romantic walk in the pitch dark from the field to the Herd-mobiles after the game last night that Herd Management was able to share with The Gazelle. We should do more of that. While infinitely dangerous and by most accounts not advised, it does help grow team unity and strength to be fearful for your life after any sporting event. Another red hot Herd Athlete both on the field and in our hearts is the official Herd song comer upper, Heather "ALE ALE-Jandro!" Miller. Mrs. Miller is notorious for many things, things such as coming to the field jacked up on Bojangles Ice tea, perverted jerseys (referred to as perjeys), playing softball good, but most notably, bringing a song to the field and firmly implanting said song into the weak, fragile mind of Herd Management, so it shall never escape. ALE ALEJANDRO!!
Defensively, this game was controlled from start to finish by what Herd Management considers the most overwhelmingly overall dominating presence on the field at any given time Scott "NOT SHANE!" "GOOSE" Walkush. Goose delivered a vast array of pitches on this evening that had the Energy batters confused and disoriented most of the evening. Not only did Goose once again deliver from the hill, he delivered from the plate, scattering the Energy pitches all over the WP3 outfield. Goose's partner in crime, Shane Mc"O MAC!" Clane turned in his best overall defensive performance of his young rookie year, making numerous clutch catches in the outfield and staying white hot at the plate. As it stands, The Irish Assassin is currently in 7th place in the Herd History books for batting average by a male rookie.
It was mentioned in an earlier report that Jennifer "my rock" Miller has been recently climbing the prestigious Herd Management's Popularity ladder for quite some time. Things were no different last night. Jennifer Miller led all women with rbi's, hits and runs scored on an evening where leaders such as her were able to shine like a brightly lit candle in a dark dark compensated night. Another bright, shinny star was The Fantasy, Erin Haneline. The Fantasy made a rare yet glorious appearance at Pre Game Festivities that literally set the tone for this amazing evening. Erin, a long time HM favorite, literally saved the game in so many ways last night, especially from the defensive side of the ball. Never before has Herd Management become so overjoyed with debilitating emotion after the series of defensive stops made last night by our own nightly Fantasy.
The story of the night belongs to two of the most physically intimidating game changers in the Long, Drawn Out, sometimes even overbearing History of the MIGHTY PURPLE HERD, Amanda Redding and Jennifer Johnson. In a time when the Herd was struggling to produce runs, make routine defensive plays, and just seemed to lack the overall will to live, it only took one appearance last week from Redding to turn around a season that was thought to be lost. Redding infused her unique style and grace on a team that was lacking an identity, and single handily turned them back into legitimate challengers for their 3rd consecutive championship. Also contributing heavily to the Herd Turn Around is our 2nd Raleigh Athlete, Jennifer "J-Dub" Johnson. J-Dub brought a spark to pregame festivities not seen since former Herd Superstar, Sac, was able to single handily destroy a Foothills sampler and STILL be physically able to perform at an absurdly high level that evening. J Squared became just the 23rd Herd Rookie to get a base hit in her very first at bat AND make a crucial rally ending play in the outfield. Herd Management would like to thank you for your contributions and welcomes you back with open arms to The Herd Nation!!

Herd News!
While things did not go exactly as planned for the 1st half, we are obviously one of the best teams in the league and still have a valid chance to win the championship if we can drive through the 2nd half of the season unscathed. We start our season next week v/s Mullen at 7:30 with a 0-0 record.

***Evening Awards***
The "Shannon Craft" award for being Shannon Craft goes to Scott Walkush for being Shane McLane.
The "Redding/Haneline" award for most gut wrenching slide goes to AMANDA REDDING!!!! Amanda slides into 3rd base. Amanda slides into home. Most importantly, Amanda slides into our hearts.
The “Peeping Tom” award goes to Jennifer Johnson!! We’ll get you a better seat next time.

Random Herd Facts:
The Herd never say’s anything taste like chicken… Not even chicken.
The Herd once had an awkward moment, just to see how it feels.
Even the Herd’s enemy’s list them as there emergency contact.
The Herd once knew a call was a wrong number, even though the person on the other end wouldn't admit it.
The Herd once challenged a mirror to a starring contest. The mirror gave up out of sheer intimidation.

Thank you for your continued support of Herd Athletics
Michael Swaim|Herd Administration
http://www.purpleherd.blogspot.com

Say Herd, Say Win, Say it together, Naturally

Game Notes:
Like a phoenix rising from the ashes, the Once Mighty, Then Blundering, Then Mighty again PURPLE BY GOSH HERD overcame more obstacles than the Gosselin children last night in route to a heart felt 18-17 win over the Wings from East Coat. Former Herd Legends Amanda Redding and 9's, John Chappell were on hand Thursday evening to inspire the struggling Purps to a very hard fought, yet well deserving win. The evening began with an emotional, uplifting speech about lawn care and lawn machinery by Herd Super Fan Maggie Gyllenhaal and her partner, Jenny McCarthy. From this point forward, when Herd Management sees a freshly cut outfield or a tattoo inside someone's lip, he will always be reminded of Maggie Gyllenhaal and Jenny McCarthy.

One of the Herd's shortcomings through the first 3 games was the lack of offensive production. On this evening, the Purpleless Herds would regain their offensive prowess in a big way, dropping 18 runs on the defensive minded Wings. La velada tuvo un inicio interesante, con El Chris De Nixon ~ al abrir por primera vez en su carrera Hato La. Nixon no decepcionarlo, va 3-4 con juego de múltiples cambios de carreras impulsadas. Heather "Inappropriate but AWESOME!" Miller was perhaps the most awe inspiring player of the evening, splattering the outfield with base hit after base hit despite still recovering from two of the most brutally disgusting hamstring injuries ever seen. Batting behind Heather, We$ "the exclusive reason we cant have pajama day next week" Miller was put in a position to succeed mightily, driving in a game high lot of runs and proving to Herd Management Pajama day would be a horribly tragic idea. Also contributing at an absurdly high level at the plate was Moe Craft Award. Moe reached base in 3 of her 4 at bats and continues to be a staple on the team and in our hearts. Bryan "unanimous awesome t shirt winner" Timmons, moved to the middle of the batting order for the first time since 1983 produced all night long in a big way. Timmons night was jam packed with the following events that a normal human being could not accomplish in a week, much less CPT(its ok, our waiter said we can use it): down an entire chicken, nachos, fried pickles, multiple beverages, bring in an amazing pregame crowd, play perfect defense in the outfield, drive in multiple runs and STILL forget his glove at the field and retrieve it hours later. A very special Herd acknowledgement goes out to Ashley "1/2 Woman 1/2 Amazing" Perdue for not only her high level of clutchitude down the stretch v/s Wings, but also bringing in the bearer of what has become the most legendary softball athlete of our time, her mom! What is even more amazing is that Mom-o-Legend was able to show up to the field hours before AP. Way to keep everyone on thier toes!!
Super Star Pitcher Scott "gas man" Walkush turned in what may very well be the most inspirational performances of the decade, playing with 2 ripped quads, a torn groin, an ACL sprain and a terrible case of the scurvy. None the less, Walkush was able to come in cold off the bench to provide instant offense and clutch pitching in relief to pick up his 2nd win and 1st save of the season.
Jennifer "You're the meaning in my life, your the inspiration" Miller continues to climb the ever popular ladder of awesomeness on a game by game basis not only with her tear jerking performance on the softball field, but also her performance OFF the field. Not only does she take the time to build character to Herd Management's facebook account, she also does many other things that I dont know about and do not have the time to make up, that makes this world a better place to live on a daily basis.
A very special bucket of kudos must be handed out to Our Fantasy, Erin "Say you, Say me, Say it together, Naturally" Haneline. Not only was fantasy solely responsible for the most amazingly historic t-shirt day Herd promotion in the history of our purple universe, she was also responsible for the game tying run in the bottom of the 7th inning that thrusted our beloved Herds to victory. Add those accomplishments to her recent pinch running endeavors and her skinned knees for the wedding this weekend, and I think we can all agree, The Fantasy is what dreams are made of.

Three very special Herd Game Balls must be presented to the following athletes: The 1st game ball goes to The Gazelle Biggie Chad White. Biggie has become one of the most devastating hitters in the league, and combined with is blinding speed and Purple Socks, he has solidified himself as a legitimate candidate for post season Herd MVP. Biggie was HUGELY "pun intended" responsible for the 8th inning rally to lead the Purps past the wings. Not to be overshadowed by Biggie's accomplishments is 2009 Jessica "Its a very snoopy Christmas!" Hendrix! Hendrix shook off a last minute exit from last weeks game to come back this week with blazing fury. Herd Management does not even want to begin to think about where this team would be without the masterful artwork that Jessica brings to every single game. The last but not least game ball goes to Mr. Clutch, Shane O' Mac Pitcher, EH, 3rd Baseman, Outfielder do everything McLane. Shane delivered the most devastating 3 run triple in Herd History this season, tying the game at 17 in the bottom of the 8th inning. Without that slab of clutch, Herd would have gone home empty handed yet again.

Herd News!
It is of Herd Management's opinion that The Mighty Purple Herd has earned their Purple back with the effort Thursday night, HOWEVER, if anyone has any promotional ideas that they would like to share, Herd Management will listen.

***Evening Awards*** (once again limited due to the loss)

The "Shannon Craft" award for being Shannon Craft goes to Amanda Redding for being Amanda Redding

The "Redding/Haneline" award for most gut wrenching slide goes to AMANDA REDDING!!!! She just has to show up to win this award. A close 2nd place goes to CNix for one of the dustiest slides in the history of Herd Sliding.

The "Order has been Restored" award goes to AMANDA BY GOSH REDDING!!!! for no reason inparticular!

Random Herd Facts:
The Herds personality is so magnetic, they are unable to carry credit cards.
The Herd can speak fluent French...in Russian
The Herds charm is so contagious, vaccines were created for it.
When Aliens abduct the Herd, they ask The Herd to probe THEM
The Herd is a lover, not a fighter. But they are also a fighter so don't get any ideas.



Thank you for your continued support of Herd Athletics

Michael Swaim | Herd Administration
Happy Bear!

Changin' Things up a Little

As you may or may not know, Herd management is in the sewer as far as mental happiness regarding the season thus far for the Beloved Herd. A punishment was handed down Friday asking that each Herd athlete shelve his or her Herd jersey for this upcoming contest with the wings. Thanks to the ever bubbly personality of The Fantasy, Erin Haneline, this punishment has been transformed into what I consider to be the most epic event in Herd History.

This Thursday my friends, instead of wearing our normal Herd Jerseys, we will wear the most ridiculous, embarrassing and or ugly t shirt that we own for our game with the Wings. For example, some will be wearing the ever famous "Tuxedo" t shirts, while others will be wearing Faux Christmas Sweater T Shirts or even 70's Lionel Ritchie T shirts! THE CHOICE IS YOURS!!!

If this does not get us back in the win column, Herd Management will resort to paddling those with poor performances.

Dont Stop Believin'

Last night:
Lab Rats 13 Herd 12
Energy 7 Mullen 2
YMCA 13 ECW 7

NEXT WEEK!!
Herd v/s Wings 7:30
Energy v/s YMC 6:30
Mullen v/s Lab Rats 8:30

Standings:
YMC A's 2-0
Lab Rats 2-0
Energy 1-1
ECW 1-1
Herd 1-2
Mullen 0-2

Absent Next Week:
??

Herd Notes:
Herd has a sub .500 record for the first time in 4 years
Herd has a 2 game losing streak for the first time in 4 years

Blog Plug: http://www.purpleherd.blogspot.com
Game Notes:
Respected author Charles Dickens once coined the phrase, "It was the worst of times, it was the worst of times. what in the @#9@ is wrong with the Herd?" It what has become one of the most depressing nights of the week for Herd Management, the Once Mighty Purple Herd suffered another heart crushing defeat at the hands of the undefeated Lab Rats by a score of 13-12.

The game got off to a hot and almost sexy start as Bryan "pregame king" "Mr. doubles" stepped up his game and recorded a leadoff triple, however,despite the superhuman efforts of We$ by gosh firkin Miller and Shannon Craft award, the Inglorious Purpstards were unable yet again to get over the hump in the 7th inning. While the season may appear to be taking an unfortunate unc'esq downward spiral into the darkest pits of softball depravity, there is still hope to turn it around. If nothing else, we have officially found our inspiration and motivation to succeed, and that motivation is the pitcher for the Rats. Never before has Herd Management witnessed a more classless and inhumane performance by an opposing pitcher. From this point forward, the rats are our new Compensated. This will be our launching pad to resurrect our season. Friends, we shall not lose another game.

Herd Management would like to thank Heather "seriously, its been like 24 games and still not one single ice cream sandwich" Miller for her heroic efforts at 2nd base. Despite playing with one of the most gruesome injuries to both of her quads that has ever been medically recorded, Mrs. Miller made some of the most spectacular plays at that position in the history of sports. Also playing out of position for a good portion of this game, CNix made a few plays in the outfield that would make Willie Mays Hays envious. Another bright spot on this otherwise deeply depressing evening was the play from behind the plate by Herd Rookie Tonya Burleson. The catch on the baseline was a thing of beauty and grace normally reserved for Broadway ballet performances and SNL skits. Yet another player who deserves some high accolades, THE FANTASY, Erin Hanelene, was 3 for 3 in pinch running opportunities. I will leave that up to the masses to figure out what exactly that means, but congratulations anyway! Yet another player playing out of position, Biggie, Triple Zero, The Gazelle was able to come in cold off the bench and deliver two humongous, biggie sized RBI's that helped bring the team out of its offensive funk and back into contention.

There were some truly bright candles in this otherwise dark dark night. Shane McLane defended the Herd Honor by heckling the deserving Rats pitcher during his 5th inning tirade. Shannon Craft Award picked up where she left off at the end of last season, going a blustery 3-3 on the evening and not making ONE SINGLE ERROR in right Field!! We$ by gosh frikin Miller's 2 jacks in the 3rd and 4th inning were proof that one man can make a difference to the hearts and souls of this softball family. Scott "Goose" Walkush, our heart, our rock, our leader, was once again the most dominating force the co-rec softball world has ever witnessed on the mound and on the basepaths. The epic slide into 3rd that kept a rally going last night was not necessarily a thing of beauty, but it was a thing none the less. Last, but certainly not least, Jennifer "please never leave me" Miller's performance in the field last night, despite facing a 5,331,665,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 pound glowing celestial object for most of the game was nothing short than a thing of beauty. Even more beautiful was Miller's late night Facebook chat with Herd Management, ensuring HM that the Herd will, oh yes they will, turn around this bleak and emotionally devastating season.

Herd News!
Herd Management has made a decision that will not be popular with the club. Herd Jerseys and the color Purple will be officially BANNED from the field starting this Thursday and will last until the Herd is back above .500.

***Evening Awards*** (once again limited due to the loss)

The "Shannon Craft" award for being Shannon Craft goes to Shane McLane for his retaliation against the highly intoxicated Lab Rat Pitcher.

The "Redding/Haneline" award for most gut wrenching slide goes to SCOTT WALKUSH!!!! If we cant win the game, at least take out their catcher baby!!

Random Herd Facts (fyi, when we stop sucking, so will these facts):
When the Herd gets pulled over for speeding, The Herd lets the cop off with a warning.
Helen Kellers favorite color is Purple.
Everybody loves Raymond. Except for the Herd.

And now your punishment for the two game losing streak:
A string once walked into a bar and ordered a drink. The bartender said "I'm sorry string, we dont serve strings in this bar." The string walked outside the bar and tied himself into a knot and frayed up his hair and walked back into the bar and ordered another drink. The bartender said, "arent you that string that was just in here?" The string said, "no, I'm afraid not"


Thank you for your continued support of Herd Athletics

Michael Swaim | Herd Administration
Sad Bear

Another sad Herd song racking my brain like crazy

Game Notes:
2010 Butler Bulldogs to the Duke Blue Devils. 1986 Boston Redsox to the NY Mets. 2000 Tennessee Titans to the St. Louis Rams . These are 3 of the most devastating and emotionally draining loses in the history of sports. Ever. You can now add last nights Purple Herd stunning loss to the YMC A’s to that deeply depressing list.
The evening for the Big Purps began strong, with a historic pregame festivity dinner at Herd favorite Finnegans that included sweet potato fries and super Herd fan and star of the hit cinematic thriller P.C.U, Jeremy Piven. The Herd athletes in attendance were being confused early and often for Winston Salem Dash players, at times being stalked and almost physically harassed into giving fans autographs, pictures and tasty olive dip. This would turn out to be a negative omen for the events that were to come however, for it is a rare occurrence that the Herd is mistaken for a lesser group of so called athletes.
The Mighty Purps put the embarrassment of being mistaken for a High Single A ball club behind them and stormed out of the gates to take an early 2-0 lead behind the mighty bat of pregame festivity Hero Bryan “I’ll take 2 please” Timmons and Herd rookie Jennifer “where the heck have you been my whole life?” Miller. The fun would end there as the up and coming YMC A’s would put 3 on the board in the bottom of the 1st. It would be a telling sign when 2009 MVP Chris Nixon hits a shot down the third baseline that was traveling so fast it produced a jet stream, striking the A's 3rd basewoman squarely in the face, yet she still has enough time to regroup and throw out the speedy Nixon. This single play has prompted Herd Management to request that the YMC A's be tested for performance and gender enhancing drugs at the next league meeting. Despite what many pundits consider the most amazing bounce back pitching performance in the prestigious history of the sport by the Gazzelle, the A’s were able to slowly extend their lead to 3 by the 3rd inning. The 3 run lead would have been insurmountable had it not been for the heroics at 2nd base by the reigning MVP and newly engaged Jessica “You still a freak” Hendrix and a spectacular Jeff Franceour’esq catch by Super Legend Ashley Perdue in right field.
The defensive efforts in the 5th inning lit a fire under the dormant bats of the Herd. Led by perhaps the most physically, mentally and emotionally dominating athletic presence this world or any other world has ever seen, We$ "by gosh frikin" Miller got things going in the top of the 7th to lead a voilently furious rally to take a 2 run lead. Thanks to some timly hitting by super rookies Shane "No Glove!" McLane, Jennifer "my favorite facebook friend" Miller and Tonya "You have a tatoo on your leg" Burleson that allowed the Freak Miller to hit a towering pop fly that drove in 3 to put the Herd up by 2 runs, or 3 if you are a YMC A scorekeeper.
The lead woudl be short lived however, as the A's were able to get all 3 runs back in the next two innings to stun the Amazing Purps in 9 innings.

A tremendous amount to respect in this game must be given to the Haneline/Miller sisters for not only physically but vocally leading the almost miraculous rally past the undefeated A's. Both sisters came into this game with debalitiating injuries that would have your average Dash player hospatilized for weeks. In this game however, the Haneline/Miller sisters showed what it means to be True Purple. From taking out players, fans and umps with flying rouge bats to giving words of advice to Herd Management, reminiscent of fortune cookie fortunes, these two ladies stand out in an otherwise deeply depressing, emotionally draining and highly solemn evening that has driven Herd management into fits of rage, uncontrollable tears, and deep depression over the past 12 hours.

Herd News!
Official WS Dash Coordinator, Bryan Timmons has stumbled upon an amazing opportunity for the ORIGINAL team in Purple. If we can get 20 people together to go to a WS Dash game, we can all come together on the HR Deck and have our name announced on the huge scoreboard during the game. Please let me and Mr. Timmons know when you can do this. I believe the hope was for next Tuesday to make this happen. Tickets are only $9.00 and I think this would be an important venture to get our names back out in the community in the comming days ahead.

***Evening Awards*** (limited due to the loss)

The "Shannon Craft" award for being Shannon Craft goes to Scott Walkush. Think on that one for a second.

The "Redding/Haneline" award for most gut wrenching slide goes to We$ by gosh frikin Miller for his high wire act of a defensive play about 130 yards into left center field.


Random Herd Facts:
The Herd eats steak for every single meal. Most times they forgets to kill the cow.

The Herd does not own a stove, oven or microwave because revenge is a dish best served cold (that’s for you YMC A’s!)

The Herd does not get frostbite. The Herd bites frost.

The Herd eats beef jerky and poops gunpowder. Then, thye use that gunpowder to make a bullet, which they uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."