Dont call it a comeback, we've been here for years

LAST NIGHT:

Herd 7 Flex 6

Next Week:
6:30 Novant v/s Zach Galafanakis fanboys WP4
7:30 Herd v/s Tarheels (WHAT?!?!) WP4
6:30 Flex v/s OSC WP1

7:30 Mixed up vs Haws WP1

Absent Next Week:?

Tee Time

On the Edge of Glory:
1^st time in club history overcoming a 4 run 7^th inning deficit
1^st HTP in the prestigious pre game history of the mighty Purple Herd

383^rd Haneline/Miller injury

Game Notes:

Katy Perry. Taylor Swift. Chipper Jones. The Jonas Brothers. The blond girl on iCarley. Unlike these soulless, no talent cretins, the Mighty Purple Herd displayed a level of heart and determination that was once thought to be crushed and destroyed well into the 7^th inning of the opening game of the 2011 Fall Co-Rec season. While the bats seemed to be on a hiatus for the most part of the game, it was the enthralling defense of the sensational Herd that kept the destiny darlings in the game. Led by the splendid glove of nauseously jacked up Sparkles and the unbridled range of C-Nix, the fine folk from flex floundered from the offensive side of the plate as well. Super Slugger J the Crush Mill was nothing short of tremendous in her first start, replacing Herd Legend Ashley Perdue at 1^st base. Biggie The Gazelle sporting a confusing LSU jersey was amazing not only at 3^rd base, but also provided one of the only bright spots at the plate on the evening, going a blustery 2-3.

Long time Herd Patron and leader of the Herd endorsed Tee Time club, C-Pfohl provided Herd management exactly what he wanted in a ball player…eternally great skill. Pfohl had the entire Flex defense more confused than a goat on AstroTurf with his ability to hit the ball anywhere on the field.

A special gold star goes to the official Herd inspiration, Heather “Ice Cream?” Miller. Ice Cream stood in the box as a psychotic Flex runner tried to shred her entire body with his cleats like Freddy Krueger. Ice suffered substantial contusions to the upper thigh, calf, ankle, spleen, and hip, yet did not come out of the game and continued to produce at a high level.

Fantasy Report:

Since Fantasy contributes about 93% of the material for each and every Herd report, Herd Administration has decided to dedicate an entire section in her honor, for this week anyway. While Fantasy’s contributions on the field are immense and incomparable, it was her off the field antics that stole the show on this evening. Despite the fact that the pre game DJ antics obviously did not inspire the Herd bats, it did inspire the entire Flex squad to literally applaud each Herd athlete as they were introduced. Kudos Fantasy.

POG Report:

Herd Pitcher, Scott “Goose” Walkush has time and time again established himself as an all time Herd great, both on and off the field. Tonight was no exception. While Goose was 0-3 prior to his last at bat replacing the record setting Bryan “Doubles” Timmons in the leadoff spot, Herd Management said a little prayer asking for him to just get one more at bat. Prayer answered. Everyone in the stadium knew that if Goose was able to get the bat in his hands just once more, he would deliver, and deliver he did. New 9’s delivered a crushing blow to RC that allowed the game winning run to score in the bottom of the 7^th. Super kudos to you sir! Enjoy your legen….dary status my friend.

Rookie Report:

An exciting new feature of the Herd report will be our weekly dedication to our two sensational rookies, J Dub and M-Inch. These two tireless Herd Athletes have both infused an immeasurable spark into the moral fiber of the Herd, not experienced since the historic season of 2009. The on the field contributions were also awe inspiring on this muggy evening. M-Inch played flawlessly at one of the toughest positions on the field, 2^nd base, while J-Dub drew the 2 out walk that led to Goose’s game winning hit. Rookies, I encourage you to continue to awe me on a weekly basis.

EVENING AWARDS:
The “Ashley Perdue” award for causing Herd Management significant chestial pain due to arriving last goes to SCA! AP would be pound my friend

The “DJ Jazzy Jeff” award for mixing up phat beats during pregame goes to Fantasy. I wasn’t sure whether to dance the night away or swing at mediocre thrown softballs.

The “Herd Pride” award for bringing the most Herd support goes to rookie Minch! Way to care.

The “Shannon Craft” award for being Shanon Craft goes to Ashley Perdue for Shannon Craft being Ashley Perdue.

Random Herd Factoids:

When in Rome, they do as the Herd does.

The pheromones the Herd secretes are felt hundreds of miles away…in a slight but measurable way.

The Herd is the life of parties they have never attended.

The Mighty Purps have won the lifetime achievement award…twice.

Thank you for your continued support of Herd Athletics,

Michael Swaim Herd Administration
http://www.purpleherd.blogspot.com

An Open Letter from Sparkles

Fellow Herdspeople,

I apologize for my delayed response to the final HERD Report. I was away on my honeymoon all last week without access to email, and I was running around that Friday doing wedding stuff. Apparently the smoke signals I sent from Mexico werent big enough to reach my Herd brothers and sisters.

I was told that the water in the Caribbean was an unbelievable shade of blue and that I wouldn’t believe it until I saw it. I'm not sure if its a seasonal thing, but the entire time I was down there, the water was a breathtakinglyradiant purple. I saw purple beaches and met purple people. Kristin's eyes were purple and I saw some amazing purple sunsets every day. I'm not sure why everything was so different, but I've got a doctors appointment this week and hopefully he can tell me why everything I see is in purple…… After some googling, I've found some online banter from people who have had the same symptoms and blame it on some scientific garbage about weak electromagneticfield pulses, blah- blah- blah (http://forums.wrongdiagnosis.com/showthread.php?t=39444).

I spent many hours digging and digging for more information, and I finally stumbled across a disease that I feel best describes my condition. Only about .0007% of Triad citizens have ever shown the symptoms and been diagnosed with this, and yes it is recognized by every single medical book/society/expert/genius in the world, especially the Gesundheit Institute. Please view the following information and if you are exhibiting these same symptoms- consult your doctor, drug dealer or preacher (in my case all the same guy) immediately.

Purpleoscious amblyopiatic herdacious wewillcrushallthosewhostandinourwaythisspringwithacreepysmileonourfaces-itus

Symptoms

&#8226 Seeing everything in purple
&#8226 Bleeding purple
&#8226 Crying purple
&#8226 Constantly googling the word “purple” to see if there is anything new in the world to become obsessed with
&#8226 Inserting the word "purple" or "herd" when those words have no business being in purple a sentence. (see how I did that?)
&#8226 Dreaming about purple softballs scaling outfield fences while the opposing team cries and melts into the ground like the Wicked Witch in Oz, bleachers full of old women with purple perms and tuxedo t-shirts cheer “Herd, Herd, Herd,” Chuck Norris repeatedly round house kicks the other teams coach who looks like Hitler, and Tracy Chapman sings “Fast Car’ from our dugout wearing tie-died jeans and a sport coat, and plays a guitar with a picture of my face painted on it. (or maybe that’s just me?)

&#8226 The strange desire to eat purple foods e.g.- eggplant, purple cabbage, Herd Stew (herd stew is not yet an actual dish. Once I find a combination of purple foods that, when mixed together in a low sodium beef broth and boiled, tastes even close to half the deliciousness of a Herd victory, I will share the recipe and sell it to Wolfgang Puck for a large fortune, rendering all future league dues and equipment purchases unnecessary, also fulfilling the large need for a purple Lamborghini/school bus for team use on gamedays (maybe some Chrystal too))

Cures
Chuck Norris’ tears….. too bad he never cries
Death
?

Notes: In some cases, even death won’t cure Purpleoscious amblyopiatic herdacious wewillcrushallthosewhostandinourwaythisspringwithacreepysmileonourfaces-itus. Once infected, the host can only succumb to the power of the purple.

Please share your symptoms you may have with everyone else.

Together, we can beat this awesome disease. (Not really, once the Herd has taken over, abandon all hope.)

Love,
Sparkles

A-well-a everybody's heard about the Herd...H-H-H-Herd, Herd, Herd, H-Herd is the word

LAST NIGHT:
I don't want to talk about it.


NEXT WEEK:
I don't want to talk about that, either.


PREGAME FESTIVITIES:
I need a hug.

GAME NOTES:
Whew.  What a roller coaster ride, huh?  In a day whose pregame excitement would surpass the anticipation of March Madness, the Super Bowl, and the World Cup combined, your Mighty Purple Herd was not able to deliver the goods and fell to a tenacious, if not oddly unfamiliar, group of groomers (seriously, who were half of those people and did anyone check their paperwork?).

The day's festivities would start early and would continue often as a barrage of emails, video clips and Facebook posts would whip the Herd faithful into a frenzy not seen since Lady Gaga shot machine guns out of her hoo-hoos.  Just like New York's hottest nightclub, Unnnnngggghh!, pregame had everything; Rod Stewart, Auto-Tune, Queen, Purple Lightning, Purple Tears, Garth Brooks, and Garth Algar (schwing!).  And lest we forget that through the power of Twitter, ASU standout and Panthers wide receiver, Armanti Edwards, confirmed what we've known for some time - an athlete of his caliber can't help but love the Herd.  And while the enunciation seems a bit off here (is it a B or an H?), it would also appear that your Herd is now also known among the animated world.  And if you're still not convinced, just Google it.  For realsies.

PGF introduced even more excitement, as Lindsey "Maggie Gyllenhaal" Yarborough came all the way from LA to sport purple, Dave "the cooler/unofficial photographer" Allred made a Herd jersey from scratch, and Nobu "ready for the storm, ready for the sun" Hatanaka made the trip from Japan (via the local SRT office) to provide that extra little bit of pep for the team.  At the field, the support for the Herd would continue to grow as Ginger "I taught C-Nix everything he knows" Nixon brought unofficial Herd mascot Leroy, and in an unprecedented and record-breaking attendance move, Dawn "EVERYBODY loves Dawn" Stafford appeared out of the steam of the evening to cheer on the Purps.

As for the game, well, it started off slow, then got kind of awesome, then got really not awesome.  The Herd bats chose to emulate Lindsay Lohan - locked up for a while, free on bail and reckless/crazy, then put back on house arrest.  The end result would be a lead for most of the contest that would just melt away in the late innings.  Sniff.

The Herd outfield played solid all night, as both John "Yes, that Sparkles nickname is gonna stick (sorry about that, pal)" Spivey and Bryan "when IS the last time you hit a double, doubles?" Timmons performed a double axel and a triple toe loop, respectively, on the slick outfield grass while still making (somewhat awkward) catches.  Great fielding wouldn't be enough for Spivey as he went deep for the 2nd game in a row, paying the metaphorical bail to the Herd's batting imprisonment and getting things started on offense.  Heather "Ice Cream sure would have been a nice treat on such a sweltering evening" Miller saved multiple extra base hits with her gold glove in RF and Erin "The Voice, Tuesdays on NBC" Haneline was nothing less than a brick wall on her return to LF, not letting a single ball by all night.  These sisters also put a hurt on the ball like Herd Management put a hurt on two delectable Mexican meals in a short matter of hours.

The fun wasn't limited to the grass, as there was sparkling play in the dirt as well.  J-Mill "Dyson, yes Dyson (because it's better than Hoover, duh)" Miller closed out the season with impeccable play at 2B.  Shannon Craft Award's job behind the plate was only slightly edged out by her bat slinging.  For you standardized test fans, SCA is to batting as Chuck Norris is to roundhouse kicks.  Chad "Biggie, or Big E if you're John Spivey" White found the groove again and reached base repeatedly on pure will and his gazelle-like saunter.  The high standard of play, sportsmanship, and pure excellence required of all Herd athletes was on full display last night by Scott "Goooooooooose" Walkush and Christopher "Leroy's Dad" Nixon.  Goose was just a few well-place hits away from pitching us to victory, and C-Nix - well let's face it, that dude probably eats cereal better than the rest of us.

It is with great pride, a quivering lip, and a box of tissues at the ready, that we come to Ashley "The Legend" Perdue.  Competing in what is rumored to be her last game with the Herd, AP did what AP does best.  Everything.  Her final at-bat couldn't have been written better.  A-Dub steps in, gives the terror stare (TM), and proceeds to drill a beauty of a shot well beyond the dogs' left fielder, cruising in for a double and sending the Herd bench into near hysterics.  The Herd, past, present, and future thanks you for all that you've done.  We'll miss you.

And that, faithful readers, does it for Spring 2011.  Preparations for Fall 2011 started 10 years ago and should be complete in time for preseason practice en route to a return to form and undefeated championship season.


Random Herd Facts:

One day the Herd wanted to prank the whole world, and so Justin Bieber was created.

ADD is not a chemical imbalance, it is a condition caused by the fact that it is impossible to concentrate knowing the Herd may strike at any time.

Superman and The Flash have a race around the world. Who wins? The Herd.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: the Herd once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he spit it back out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

That's the way (uh huh, uh huh), Herd likes it!

LAST NIGHT:
Herd 11, Formerly average hair band that was forced to retire 7

NEXT WEEK:
Herd vs. Groomingdale's, 6:30 WP #1, then WHEN we win
Herd vs. Crew, 7:30 WP #1, then WHEN we win
Herd vs. Crew (yes, again), 8:30 WP #1
Missing next week:  No one?!?



PREGAME FESTIVITIES:
Yes!  Abbreviated PGF will return to Foothills at 5:02



GAME NOTES:
Peaches come from a can, they were put there by a man, in a factory downtoooooooown.  You know what also comes in a can?  Whoop ass.  In a performance that would have made the Presidents of the United States of America proud, the Herd opened the proverbial can and unleashed the fury on the Motlee Crue.  The season-long plan to lull the competition into complacency then strike in the playoffs was executed to perfection last night on WP #4.  After an epic showing at PGF, discussion of strategery, and team bonding over a record number of samplers, it was off to the field to get down to business.

With the impending retirement of superstar Ashley "you're my soul and my heart's inspiration" Perdue, the awesomeness of the Herd made a collective decision not to lose on this sweltering June eve.  Bryan "PGF MVP, FTW" Timmons set the tone early with a gapper into left field and wheels that didn't stop until the dugout, at which point the wheels did not want to start again for the rest of the night.  AP did her part to secure a game next week by laying down clutch hit after hit and RBI after RBI, in a breathtaking display that is only equaled by the quality of NBC's Thursday night comedy programming.

It wasn't all roses for the Herd, as the Motlee Crue came to play.  But in the face of adversity and elimination, the battery of Scott "the goose is loose" Walkush and Shannon Craft Award would prove to be too much for the Crue's hitters, enticing them into double plays and pop-outs much like the Greensboro black bear was enticed out of the woods by the delicious aromas of pic-a-nic baskets.  This combo wouldn't be satisfied with only strong defense, oh no.  Both Goose and Award out hit and out hustled your average bear all night.

And how about that offense, huh?  Christopher "Freaknik" Nixon, oh my word!  Nixon tacked on another home run bringing his season tally to approixmately 42.  In retrospect, perhaps their pitcher made the right decision giving C-Nix that free pass last time.  Not to be outdone, John "no food for me, thanks" Spivey attacked this game like a man that has been over-served on Tom Haverford's Snake Juice.  Spiv has hit the ball hard all season, but none better than last night.  After deciding that a line drive triple wasn't enough, Spivey found pay dirt in a towering home run that very likely served as the nail on the Crue's coffin.  Erin "hand her a mic" Haneline continued her new duties of making this Herd more like the old Herd again this week with the hitting we all know and love as well as her newfound ability to loosen up the Herd through song.  Words can't express how great it is to smile, laugh, and generally freak out the opposition on the field.

And while home runs are great and all, let's not forget the barrage of base hits that made those homers count.  J-Mill "don't steal my yell" Miller made the Miller family proud by putting together a blistering batting display and accounting for 16 of the Herd's 11 runs on the evening (it's just math, folks).  Chad "call him straight drive, 'cause that was clutch" White came up big in the field and at the plate, providing that blinding gazelle speed that is such a joy to watch.  Amanda "A Squared" Able also stepped in admirably to not only make it to the right field, but also keep the Herd afloat and in this contest until the end.

And on such a triumphant evening, let's not forget the 11th man.  Herd Management's enthusiasm,nervous nausea, and real time Facebook updates always inspire the Herd to take things to the next level.  But on this evening, a quick look down the line would show nearly full bleachers!  Unconfirmed reports would even suggest that the Herd's fanbase performed a textbook wave in the 7th inning.  Thanks all for the Herdastic support (and please don't forget us next week at 6:30).

This report can't end without recalling the way the game ended.  Golden glove nominee Christopher Nixon made what will undoubtedly be the greatest catch in the history of the Thursday league.  This over-the-shoulder diving grab ended a late rally by the Crue, brought teammates to tears of joy, and moved the Herd into the next round.  You, good sir, sweat excellence.


Awards!

The Shannon Craft Award for being Shannon Craft award goes to...Shannon Craft!  You were putting the hex on their hitters, weren't you?  It's OK, you can tell us (and you can please whatever you did again next week).

The Redding/Haneline award for most gut-wrenching slide goes to...Erin Haneline!  We're all glad you didn't go an entire season without an amazing slide and strawberry.

The Herd Management's Sabbatical Spirit award goes to...John Spivey!  He hits!  He fields!  He does cartwheels (sorta)!  And he takes the brunt of Herd Management's postgame exuberance!

Random Herd Facts:

The police have developed a new, high tech bullet proof vest - it's a T-shirt with the Herd printed on it.

A watched pot boils instantly for the Herd.

The Herd isn't a cat person but if he was, he would own 3 lions, a snow leopard, and cougar.

The Herd once got a record deal for playing the air guitar.  Two days later he started Metallica, then quit.

I can name that tune in 3 notes!

LAST NIGHT:
Herd 9, South Fork 6
The Crew 10, Herd 5



NEXT WEEK:
Herd vs. South Fork OR Motlee Crew, 8:30 WP #4
Missing: Heather (anyone else?)


PREGAME FESTIVITIES:
Oh yes.  5:15ish at Foothills.

GAME NOTES:
"What a feelin', bein's belieeeevin', I can have it all, now I'm dancing for my life" (Flashdance, Irene Cara).  On a hot, dank evening at Washington Park, I think these lyrics sum up what could only been described by those in attendance as a true return to Glory Days (Bruce Springsteen) for the Mighty Purps.  The evening started off with a lightly attended, but as always spectacular, PGF.  Dave "superfan #1, now that he's attended 2 games but this title is up for grabs for all you other closet Herd fans out there" Allred not only anchored PGF, but showed his extreme dedication the Herd by hiking 7.24 miles from the car to the field to keep the book.  Kudos, Dave.

The first game pitted the Purps against our friends at South Fork.  Looking to avenge their last outing, South Fork jumped out to an early lead and put the Herd into a spot of bother from the start.  Never ones to shy away from adversity, the Herd would not crack Under Pressure (Queen).  Scott "Get it in! Get it in! Get it in!" Walkush dialed in his accuracy from the mound and cooled off scalding hot bats of South Fork.  And what about Ashley "A-Dub" Perdue?  She hits, she fields, she catches balls with her arm.  Then she hits some more.  Amazing.

On the offensive side of the ball, the Herd was a bit slow to start, but finally clicked.  And when I say clicked, I mean everybody locked, loaded and hit the ball hard.  J-Mill "just a smidge to the right, please" Miller continued her relentless onslaught on the third baseline like a honey badger hunting a cobra.  Shannon "Award Winner" Craft made a hot mess of the opposing pitching with a fierceness at the plate that is admired by the likes of Babe Ruth and Christian Siriano.  The late pressure applied by the Herd would be a bit much for South Fork, and the victory would cement a match up against the dreaded Crew.

In between games the following nuggets of knowledge were revealed:
1.  Ashley did, in fact, know about the second game
2.  John Spivey is, in fact, on Facebook
3.  The love of 80s pop music is, in fact, widespread amongst the Herd
4.  The members of the Crew are, allegedly, all family and won't play next season

After a spirited attempt to secure a victory via paper, rock, scissors by Heather "you always play paper" Miller was shot down by the leader/brother/father/cousin of the Crew, the Herd knew it was time to settle in to what may be a long game.  The swirling winds blew not only clouds, but magic into the air of field #3.  Bryan "anything but doubles" Timmons started the charge and superb 1st inning hitting plated two runs, giving the Herd the lead and the feeling that (I Just) Died In Your Arms Tonight (Cutting Crew).

Solid work in the field from Chad "aka Biggie, aka Trip Zs, aka Brick Wall at third" White, and a snag of a searing line drive by John "did that hurt?  did you pee a little?" Spivey kept things close, while Herd Management's return to his beloved team was marked by pristine play in RC and a 17 - 17 night at the plate.  HM, your on-field contributions pale in comparison to the intangibles that just command that the Herd Don't Stop Believin' (Journey).  While the Herd wouldn't be able to Hold On (Wilson Phillips) for the win, there was something far more important that happened.


Erin "Cooleyhighharmony" Haneline.  Yes, she can hit.  Yes, she can field.  Yes, she can...sing?  Indeed.  For this author, the inter-inning renditions of 80s classics brought the fun back to the Herd More Than Words (Extreme) can describe.  Let's keep that up next week, shall we?

Awards!

The Shannon Craft Award for being Shannon Craft award goes to...John Spivey!  Nice attempt to take out their behemoth third baseman with your laser beam shots down the line.

The Redding/Haneline award for most gut-wrenching slide goes to...Scott Walkush!  Your return to first base left the Herd bench speechless.  Mostly because of the sheer volume of dirt in our lungs.

The Herd Management's Sabbatical Spirit award goes to...Herd Management!  Welcome back, Coach!  Things just feel "right" when you're with us.  Don't leave again, mmmkay?

Random Herd Facts:

The Herd CAN believe it's not butter.

There are only two types of people in the world. Those who divide people into two groups, and the Herd.

The Herd eats black holes as light hors d'oeuvres at PGF.

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but the Herd's glare will liquefy your kidneys.

I scream, you scream, we all scream for ice cream!

LAST NIGHT:
Groomingdale's 14, Herd (?) 1

NEXT WEEK:
Playoffs!
Herd vs. South Fork, 6:30 WP #3
After we win, Herd vs. The Crew, 8:30 WP #3
Missing: C-Nix, James (anyone else?)

PREGAME FESTIVITIES:
After last night's performance, an abbreviated PGF will return.  5:05ish, location TBD


Game Notes:
A wise man once told me:
"That's what learning is, after all; not whether we lose the game, but how we lose and how we've changed because of it and what we take away from it that we never had before, to apply to other games. Losing, in a curious way, is winning."

Then some other dude said:
"You must never be satisfied with losing. You must get angry, terribly angry, about losing. But the mark of the good loser is that he takes his anger out on himself."

And finally, perhaps the most brain-bendingest quote of all:
"What the heck just happened to us and who cares about some lame-o quotes?"

Wow.  In the deepest darkness, there is always a light.  After last night's lifeless and very un-Herdlike performance, one would have to dig quite deep to find said light.  The evening's contest started out promisingly enough, with two new Herd season records - total number of fans (2) and number of canine fans (1).  A huge thanks to Ginger "hey, did you get to catch up with your old friend from the bleachers?" Nixon andLeroyfor coming out to support the Herd.

The Herd would get on the board early after a quick hit from Bryan "sniffles" Timmons, but shockingly that would be the only run the Herd would score all night long.  Yes, you read that right - the Mighty Herd would score only once in the evening's battle.  Scott "El Generalisimo" Walkush pitched a gem, but the Groomings of Dale were able to spray hits away from Herd fielders all night.  A lot of hits and a few untimely errors were more than the Herd could overcome on this dreadful night.

But enough about that, let's get back to that elusive light.  Brilliant work and a cannon-like arm in the field from John "cartwheel" Spivey limited the damage.  And while we didn't score runs, Shannon Craft Award continued to slap the ball like a certain Governator was likely slapped after the news of the last week, and Ashley "staredown" Perdue continued to cripple the Herd bench with her unadulterated focus at the plate.  Thanks for wearing sunglasses, I think they kept my lip from its quivering normally shown during your at bats.

James "the bookie" Haire had likely the hardest job of the evening, as he had to keep tally of the massacre in real time for the official score book.  Fantasy Haneline extended her streak of games with a freakishly wild bat sling WITHOUT injuring players on either team.  Kudos to you on that giant accomplishment, my friend.  Biggie/Trip Zs/Gazelle White kept the Herd alive by taking up the duties normally reserved for Herd Management (you know, sending emails, lugging equipment, bleeding purple).  And speaking of keeping the Herd alive, how about J-Mill "whirling dervish" Miller?  We all know that you can kill a ball, but what great range and flair for the dramatic at second base!  Your Top Plays-worthy spin at second base gave everyone something to cheer about.  And while normally newsworthy on the field, Christopher "spit take" Nixon saved the action for post-game and after a nod to The Office, tried to demonstrate how to use a Neti Pot whilst drinking water.  Without a Neti Pot.  Advice well received, C-Nix.

And let us not forget the most dedicated performance of the night.  Heather "ice cream" Miller finally lived up to her namesake and while the Herd was at its most bleak, summoned a real, live ice cream truck to Washington Park (do you have a secret dog whistle or conch shell for that?).  The sweet sounds of The Entertainer and thoughts of tasty treats (rocket ship for me, please!) brought the Herd back from the brink and nearly to the parking lot to make a purchase during the 5th inning.  Let's face it, we should have gotten the ice cream.

The playoffs start next week and I, for one, believe that we have this league right where we want them.  No one will expect ANYTHING from us!  Let's go ahead and get back into that championship form we all remember, OK?

Random Herd Facts:

The Herd is the only person to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Some kids pee their name in snow. The Herd pees its name in concrete.

When the Herd donates blood, it declines the syringe and instead requests a bucket and a handgun.

The Herd is what Willis was talking 'bout.

We're going to Party, Karamu, Fiesta, Forever, C'mon and Herd Along!

LAST NIGHT:
Matted Fur 11, Herd 10
Herd 22, Good peoples at South Fork 2



NEXT WEEK:
Herd vs. The Crew, 7:30 WP #1
Missing: Heather, Erin, James, J-Mill, (anyone else?)


PREGAME FESTIVITIES:
They're back!  5:15ish, location TBD





Game Notes: Si (haha) what I did there with the Spanish?  For the Mighty Herd, it was a roller coaster of emotion on a Mexican holiday that is celebrated almost exclusively in Mexican restaurants in the US and A (aka, Cinco de Mayo).  As late as 3:00, it looked as if the Herd, under duress from a number of vacationing members, would have to do the unthinkable - a double forfeit (which isn't nearly as awesome as a double rainbow).  In typical fashion, the Herd moved mountains, crossed streams and recruited suitable replacements to round out the roster on a chilly evening at Washington Park.  A special thanks goes to Biggie "ugh, my guts" White for fighting off a nasty virus long enough to deliver our equipment and keep the book for the first game.  Here's hoping you kept that little bug to yourself.

Game one saw the Herd line up against league rival Puppy Salon, er, Groomingdale's.  Ending the one last bit of drama on the evening, We$ By Gosh Frickin' Miller can pitch too, seriously what can't this guy do?!? made his triumphant return to glory and took to the mound.  We$ pitched like a pro and hasn't lost an ounce of the power that makes mere mortals tremor and yellow softballs disappear into the woods beyond left field.  The Herd would jump out to an early lead behind mediocre hitting by Bryan "make 'em throw you out" Timmons and much more impressive at-bats from Christopher "ping! goes the top of the fence" Nixon and James "the machine" Haire.

Solid play in the field along with an inning loaded with not one, but two home runs (thanks to C-Nix and We$) would set the Herd up for the win, but unfortunately the curse of the visitor's side was once again too much to overcome, as the dastardly Groomingdales would argue/complain/chain smoke their way to a walk-off single in the bottom of the 7th.  Really, how many times can that happen to one super lovable purple team?

After a brief session of meditation and a video pep talk with Herd Management (and Mia Shea!) to shake off the loss, the nightcap would be a different story entirely.  Led by, well, pretty much every single person on the team, the Herd quickly dismantled our friends at South Fork Electric with a mercy rule win.  The victory sure would have been more sweet if they weren't the only other decent human beings in the Thursday Co-ed league.  Dave "Kool-Aid" Allred quickly graduated from spectator to scorekeeper and kept perhaps the cleanest book ever kept by a rookie scorekeeper.  Ever.  Legacy Herd superstar and sister of C-Nix, Kendra Woo-Ten Clan ain't nothin' to mess with returned from a seven year hiatus spent raising members of Herd 4.0 and wasted no time flashing the brilliance that runs through the Nixon genes.  A 3 - 3 performance at the plate filled with hit after blistering hit was just another easy day at the park for K-Woo.

Also called up from the Herd's extensive farm system would be Inch "oh, your last name is Inch?" Inch and Amanda "youngin'" Able, who both turned in stellar and remarkably Herdworthy performances.  Erin "Fantasy" Haneline showed her pure, unadulterated will to win by holding down a solid left field and taking any residual frustration from last week's throat shot out on the opposing pitching.  J-Mill "c'mon did that girl really scare you when she screamed at you on first base, you can tell us?" Miller turned in another astounding performance.  She approaches the game with the ferocity of one of those Navy SEAL dogs with the titanium fangs.  And let's not forget Ice Cream Miller, whose power and grace on the field and at the plate could only be matched 2011 Kentucky Derby favorite Dialed In.

Awards!
The Shannon Craft Award for being Shannon Craft award goes to...Kendra Wooten!  Way to step in and play like you never left.

The Redding/Haneline award for most gut-wrenching slide goes to...James Haire!  As was noted last night, your knee is probably gonna bleed through your pants today.

The Herd Management's Sabbatical Spirit award goes to...We$ BGF Miller!  Who knew this guy could pitch?  Thanks for coming back to us.  And thanks for throwing strikes and hitting home runs.

Random Herd Facts:

The Herd CAN order Chick-Fil-A on Sunday.

The Herd once got into a staring contest with its bathroom mirror. The mirror backed down after only three days.

The Herd once bought an old used car.  It immediately turned itself into a mythical Pegasus.

In the back of the Guiness Book of World Records, it says "All records are held by the Herd. The names listed are all in second place".