Although we've come...to the end of the Herd...

Game Notes:

Over the years, Herd management has experienced various types of unbearable pain. Pain such as kidney stones, arm strains, back pain, unc national championships and broken ankles. None of these pains however can compare to the pain of losing to a team who’s best player is a short stop that looks like Zack Morris from Saved by the Bell and Phyllis Diller mated and produced an detestable offspring.

Despite the scorching hot bats of the Herds most prolific power hitting duo in team History, We$ “by gosh firkin “ Miller and Chris “robbed” Nixon, the Herd was unable to overcome the rat demons on this humid evening. Nixon filled in admirably at LC for Doubles Timmons, despite being robbed of robbing a home run from the steroid enhanced psycho pitcher. We$ turned in one of the most completely dominating performances at Short Stop that Herd Management has ever witnessed, ruining the lives and dreams of many rat base runners on the evening.

Shane O’Mite McLane, fresh off of his self imposed 3 game suspension, returned to the roster with a fresh mindset and a whole new love for the game, and it showed in a huge way. McLane made some of the most unbelievably acrobatic catches in right field that had most spectators confused and bedazzled all evening. Not only was he hot, both literally and metaphorically in the outfield, he came through with numerous clutch hits down the stretch against Wings that sent the Might Herd into the Semi Finals.

Drill Sergeant Scott “Goose” Walkush rebounded in a HUGE way on the mound last night with a flawless pitching effort in both games. The story of the night though was Sergeant Goose taking over the leadoff spot in the batting order. Goose lived up to the management imposed hype, delivering base hit after base hit, setting the table for the Herd offense all night long. The play of the year came when Sergeant Goose took it upon himself to physically remove the head rat from the game with a scorching missile up the middle with the very first pitch that shook the nerves of the rats pitcher, bringing the Herd sideline to its feet in admiration and approval.

The Herd most improved player Award this year will have to go to The Dancing Gazelle, Triple Zero Chadwick White. All year long, the Gazelle has been able to deliver in the most crucial of situations on both offense and defense. It is one thing to simply produce when your team needs you the most however the Gazelle took it to a whole new level this year and produced with elegance and grace that would be enough to make a grown man cry.

One of the staples of the Herd lineup all year long was our Fantasy, EH #8. Fantasy was locked in at the plate all night long, producing at the highest of levels. Fantasy had the look in her eye from the get go that she was not going to allow the Herd suffer another loss at the hands of the dastardly rats. Herd management considers this the finest effort of the season put forth by the Fantasy and relishes the opportunity to watch her expand on this in the fall season.

The Shannon Craft Award was also highly keyed in at the plate all night long on the bittersweet evening. Award is hitting the ball better than she ever has in her entire career, which needless to say is quite an accomplishment for such a decorated veteran of the Mighty Purple Herd. Award, who comes dressed in the old school Blundering Herd Jersey to inspire of the way things used to be, in a better time, was able to summon the ghosts of Herd past and deliver beautifully orchestrated base hits that scattered throughout the outfield all night long.

The Hammer, J-Mill, was our vocal and defensive leader last night, rivaling the Sergeant in motivational words and phrases. It was 11 Thursdays ago last evening that J-Mill lost her Herdginity, and since that glorious, emotional moment she has blossomed into one of the league’s best overall player. J-Mill swings the bat with such resounding fury, that the entire left side of the field quivers in their cleats each and every time Hammer walks into the batter’s box. It is the defense that J provided to the Herd that has earned her the Managers Female MVP award this season.

Herd Management becomes overcome with emotion as he recollects the last two season he was able to spend with the most amazingly gifted athlete and genuinely nice person in the history of co-rec athletics. It is with deep sadness and immeasurable sorrow that we bid goodbye to what will forever be our MVP, Jessica Hendrix. Jessica brought a much desired flare and spark to the Herd last year that led us to our first back to back championship season in Herd History. She also brought us Blake that one time. That was awesome.

In what is considered an all around dark and depressing night, there were two sensational women that shone brighter than the brightest stars in the sky. Herd management would like to thank Rose “KET” Ketner and Hien “Usain Bolt” Lewis for their sensationally amazing contributions to the overall success of the Herd Nation last night. Words can’t even begin to describe the amount of gratitude and admiration Herd Management has for these two amazing women. While it may have seemed to be a bit of a stretch to bring in one of the players for the despised yet now defunct Compensated squad, Ket was able to provide late inning heroics when things looked their darkest to the Mighty Purp. One of the superstars from the 2009 Spring Championship team also provided the same late inning heroics with her unmatched speed and desire to make everyone around her better. These two ladies will forever hold a special place in the Herd’s Purple Hearts.

Random Herd Facts:
The Herd once threw itself a surprise party but couldn’t attend because they didn’t give themselves enough notice.
When the Herd orders a salad, they get the dressing right there on top of the salad, where it belongs…and there is no turning back.
Bulls flat out refuse to fight The Herd
If the Herd argues with you, it is because you are wrong.
The Herd can navigate a ship by stars…during the day.

Michael SwaimHerd Administration

Every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the Herd years have gone by

Game Notes:

On one of the most deeply depressing evenings in the prestigious history of the Glorious Purple Herd, the uber friendly WS Energy athletes were able to put a BP’esq cap on what most sports pundits consider the most horrific seasons in Herd History. This season wasn’t without its high points however. The Prolific Purps set a new standard for Pre Game festivities this season and introduced Post Game Festivities to the world.

Despite the outcome, superstar Bryan “in tha face” Timmons remains one of the Herd most prolific leadoff hitters in the history of the sport. Herd management can only dream of having the amount of skill, talent, and ability that superstar Timmons is in possession of.

In the 2 hole, The Fantasy, Erin Haneline has spent many years as a lynchpin to the Herds success. This season was no different. While many conspiracy theorists agree that there is a nationwide conspiracy to withhold valuable toilet paper from restrooms that Fantasy patrons from time to time, she is literally able to shake it off and perform at an amazingly absurd high level.

Batting 3^rd is usually our leader, Goose Walkush. I can not write about Goose without literally breaking down into an uncontrollable hysterical sobbing fit. Goose is single handedly took the Herd to a new level last year with his cool demeanor and militant leadership style that has the Herd both excited and frightened on and off the field.

You don’t talk about The Herd without mentioning the unbelievable contributions of my favorite and yours, Ashely, A-Dub Perdue. When A-Dub rejoined the Herd back in 2006, our record was 0-4 and we had been outscored by 48 runs. After A-Dub rejoined the Herd, we still only won one game, but she instantly made us competitive again. That is what A-Dub does. Makes everyone around her better. For that, Herd management salutes you, dear dear friend.

The Herds 5^th batter is simply a freak. We$ by gosh firkin Miller is the prototypical softball super stud. The ladies love him and the girls adore him and Herd management practically worships the ground he walks on. With his monster blast last night, Miller became the single season Herd home run leader and is only 4 home runs away from all time great Herd super slugger Mike Swaim.

Staying in the Family we will now address Herd Rookie Jennifer JMILL Millers amazing season with the Pyro Purps. When J-Mill first joined the Mighty Herd, she was just a shy girl, standing with the wallflowers wishing she had stayed at home. By her first official at bat however, she burst out like a beautiful, rabid, violent butterfly emerging from its cocoon. Miller turned in one of the most prolific rookie seasons in the history of the Purples, playing 19 different positions and swinging an amazingly efficient bat.

Yet another freak athlete that has graced his appearance in the lineup this season is Herd RBI leader Chris “rock yo face off” Nixon. There simply isn’t a more clutch player not only in this league, but in all of sports than our very own C-Nix. C brings it every single game and is simply not afraid to step up and take over a game at any given moment with either his brick wall like defense or his artistically beautiful, picture perfect swing of the bat.

The third and arguably most important (or at worst in the top 3) member of the Haneline/Miller cult is the sensational Heather “I know more MLB all stars than you know people” Miller. When most women are allowed by Herd management to reproduce, they rarely if ever actually return to their Purple roots. Not only did Ice Cream return, but she returned with a higher skill set than what she left with. Herd management considers it an honor AND a privilege to share the same field as this beloved all star.

While there were few bright spots in last nights game, one star that shone like the sun was our dancing queen, Biggie Chad The Gazelle Fred Astaire Triple Zero White. Biggie put his name in the official Herd book of amazing plays last night with one of the most graceful, elegant snag accompanied by a picture perfect pirouette at third base to throw out the speedy Energy runner.

Another miraculous bright spot from yester evening was 2009 Herd Female MVP Jessica Hendrix. Jessica is the type of athlete that brings a calm, warm feeling to the team, similar to the feeling you get when you relieve yourself in a swimming pool. The biggest difference between those two scenarios is that a blue cloud doesn’t follow MVP around, just awesomeness. Herd management doesn’t want to live in a world that doesn’t include MVP as a permanent fixture in the Herd lineup. For Serious.

The one player that might very well receive the Woman MVP award vote from HM this year might very well be Shannon Craft Award. When Herd Management first met SCA, she was just a small town girl, living in a lonely world. Now, she is one of the most fierce hitters on the team, leading all women in batting average and on base percentage.

Herd News!

Todd called earlier to explain the playoff situation. I have no idea what he was talking about for I was drawing a “Thug Life” tattoo on my chest with a dark purple crayon. HERD UP!!

***Evening Awards***

The "Shannon Craft" award for being Shannon Craft goes to Ginger Nixon and Jana Swaim for being there!

The "Redding/Haneline" award for most gut wrenching slide goes to Jessica Hendrix for her inspirational and motivating slide into 3^rd base!!!!

Random Herd Facts:

The Herd gave Red Bull wings

The Herd taught me how to make love to my wife and how to scold my children.

The Herd’s cereal never gets soggy. It just sits there, staying crispy. Just for them.

The Herd once taught a dog to bark. In Spanish.

The Herd once buried a time capsule full of things that haven’t happened yet.

Thank you for your continued support of Herd Athletics,

Michael Swaim|Herd Administration

http://www.purpleherd.blogspot.com

Lodi Dodi, Herd likes to party, we dont cause trouble we dont bother nobody

Game Notes:
Iconic songwriter and true American legend Miley Cyrus penned the following lyric yesteryear: “There’s always gonna be another mountain, I’m always gonna wanna make it move. Always gonna be an uphill battle, sometimes I’m gonna have to lose.” These historic words of wisdom ring especially true for Americas Co-Rec softball team, the Mighty Purple Herd. It took an embarrassing effort last week in a humiliating loss to the scum of the league, the Rats, to refocus the Herd on its ultimate goal, and that is to sell Herd Managements car. While the car is still for sale, the Herd did restore order and return to its customary winning ways in a hard fought, emotionally and physically draining victory over the up and coming Wings from East Coast.
The game in itself did not begin on the field on this gloriously humid evening. Instead, it began in the most historic of all Pregame Festivity destinations at Foothills. It became clear from the beginning that The Fantasy, Erin Haneline would mentally and violently lift the once struggling Herd from its dark and destitute personal island of self pity and bring it back to its rightful place atop the co-rec softball nation. Fantasy toasted to the Herd and then took her game to the field where she womanhandled the upstart Wings with her mighty stick and cannon of an arm in Left Field.
The sensational magic from pregame festivities at foothills initiated by the fantasy carried over to the field. With the very first swing of the game, Bryan “Umpa Loompa Doopedy Doo, the best Chocolate Factory was version number 2” Timmons, ripped a stunning double to left center field. While Mr. Timmons is of course noted for his affinity for the 2 bagger, his taste in cult classics could use an upgrade.
Despite being conspicuously absent from Pregame Festivities, Goose Walkush turned in quite possibly the most astonishingly dominate pitching performance of his illustrious career. At one point in the 3rd inning, Walkush retired 19 consecutive Wings batters with his high arching curveball and his defensive squad firmly behind him. It is also of Herd Managements opinion that if the softball league every disbands, Goose would make a spectacular drill sergeant given his affinity for relentlessly pushing the Mighty Purps to new levels both on the basepaths and in the field.
Shannon Craft award was also at the very top of her game, giving the Herd a much needed lift from behind the plate with a League Of Their Own type performance from the catchers position. Award has also 100% guaranteed that she will be able to land the Herd first corporate sponsor since Hero House in 2003, a guarantee that she personally backs up with her heart and soul.
Heather “Why in the world do I call you ice cream?” Miller was as solid as the most recent episode of Glee at 2nd base last night. Miller inflicted so much fright and fear into the batters of Wings that the completely avoided hitting the ball to her all night long, for they know that an ball hit in her direction would be gobbled up like a delicious toasted grilled cheese/bacon sandwich from Foothills.
Sometimes, on dark and lonely nights, Herd management will look up into the night sky and pretend that the airplanes are shooting stars and make one wish right now, wish right now. That one wish is that Herd super star, Herd Legend, Herd Founder and Herd all time leading great Ashley Perdue would not only play a fantastic game, but would also rap in-between innings. That wish was granted last night as Ashley “Snoop Doggy” Perdue turned in one of the most epic offensive games slash rap efforts in Herd History. Herd Management was unable to contain his emotions as Snoop Doggy Perdue broke forth the rhythm and the rhyme that literally willed the Mighty Purp to victory.
One of the most eye pleasing events of the evening came during each and every one of Jennifer not Jessica “The Destroyer” Miller’s at bats. Miller put one of the most violent beatings on a 12” softball ever recorded in human history. Miller, sporting her nifty new #15 Herd Jersey, turned in one of her best performances in her young Herd career, going a nasty 4-4 at the plate and performing with honor in courage in right field, saving Herd Management from more utter embarrassment on numerous occasions.
There are simply no words at this point that could accurately describe what MVP Chris “Lex Lugar” Nix brings to the field. Nix is what the sports world likes to call “the total package” not only due to his Major League level of defensive ability at shortstop and his almost frightingly high level of offensive prowess, but his desire to personally sacrifice his time, effort and money to attend pregame festivities this season.
Herd Management is still in shock and awe that Chad “THE GAZELLE”TRIP ZERO”BIGGIE White was physically able to take the field last night after one of the most physically grueling pregame festivity performance ever seen in the history of pregame festivity. Not only was the big fella able to shake off that situation, he did it in style with several beautiful line drives to left center and a spectacular play at third base that brought back memories of last years Herd defensive performances. Also, Herd Management is going to recommend that Trip Zero bring a change of draw’s to each and every upcoming Herd event.

***Evening Awards***
The "Shannon Craft" award for being Shannon Craft goes to Johnny Depp for being the greatest Willie Wonka ever.

The "Redding/Haneline" award for most gut wrenching slide goes to Jenni from Mullen for being the victim of another dirtbag play by the dastardly rats.

The “Humanitarian” award goes to every team in the league not called the Rats

Random Herd Facts
Every time the Herd goes for a swim, dolphins appear.
The Herd lives vicariously through the Herd.
The Herd does not break wind. They destroy it.
The Herd coined the phrase “I see dead people” after the wait staff at Denny’s forgot its birthday.

Thank you for your continued support of Herd Athletics,
Michael Swaim Herd Administration
http://www.purpleherd.blogspot.com/
much happier bear

Ima Swing it this'a way. Ima Swing it that'a way. I'm Herdy Herd and Ima be here to stay

Game Notes:
Bla Bla Bla. Sweat Tea Flavored Custard. Ticks. Spiders. Racism. These are a few things that, if given the opportunity, Herd Management would physically and mentally destroy and banish from existence from this earth. You can now add The RA Lab rats to that List. On one of the hottest days of the season thus far, the dastardly Lab Rats literally reached into the inner softball soul of the Herd, spit on it, and then walked away with one of the most undeserving victories in the history of sports.
Despite the beautifully rendition of Kei$ha’s Your Love is My Drug sang by our very own Chad “Michael Bolton” Biggie Gazelle, the Herd was unable to overcome the arrogance, belligerence and overall lack of respect for Humanity by the Rats from RA. In a moment that summed up the evening, Pre Game King Bryan “Runs through fire, eats turkey legs afterwards” Timmons was so livid that he, for the first time in his career, skipped Post Game Festivities.
The Mighty Purple Herd did not go down without a fight however. Chris “Lost” Nixon and We$ “Please let the SS get in my way” Miller delivered all night long at an extremely high level both on offense and defense. A-Dub Perdue and Shannon Craft were also able to take advantage of their high level of softball fortitude to deliver late game hits that once again put the Herd in a position to win the game. Despite the triumphant return of Herd favorite, MVP Jessica Hendrix to the lineup, the Herd seemed to be lacking the fire that delivered two straight world championship trophies just one year ago.
Scott Walkush continues to swing a hot bat as well this year, driving in a game high 4 runs despite being tripped at first base by one of the Rats defensive players. Walkush was also the unfortunate victim of a conservative yet ever changing strike zone all afternoon long. Despite the pathetic showing by one of the leagues worse umps, Walkush did not walk a single batter and played spectacular defense.
Jessica Miller, recipient of a brand new used Herd Jersey for the first time in her career turned in yet another fabulous performance at first base and continues to literally rip the cover off of the softball. Labrats noticed that the cover had apparently been ripped from its core and made numerous requests to change out the ball in yet another show of supreme class by this group from RA.
Super Sister in law/Sister/Spouse Heather Miller is also not only stepping up her game each week, she is also stepping up her Pre/Post game Festivity attendance. It was an honor to learn that Miller is best friends with Chicago White Sox super sluggers Joe Crede, Ozzie Guillen, Carlos Lee, Bobby Thigpen and Frank Thomas from her tenure with the Old Winston Salem Dash squads from yesteryear.
Millers uber flamboyant sister, Erin “Fantasy” Haneline was also one of the brighter spots in an otherwise disgustingly dark, depressing, painful evening. The glove work in the outfield was a thing of beauty, as was her unadulterated hustle around the base paths. The Fantasy is what is good and right about not only the Mighty Purple Herd, but sports and even life in general.
Herd Management Mike Swaim was a paltry 5-5 at the plate with 6 triples, 3 home runs and 14 rbi’s. What you think you may have saw in that first at bad never happened. IT. NEVER. HAPPENED.

***Evening Awards***

The "Shannon Craft" award for being Shannon Craft goes to Bryan Timmons for being so visibly livid about the nights circumstances that he skipped Post Game Festivities.
The "Redding/Haneline" award for most gut wrenching slide goes to We$ Miller!! “That was beautiful. It looked like something off ESPN.”-Heather Miller

Random Herd Facts
I’ve got a fever, and the only cure…is more The Herd.
The Herd knows all there is to know about the crying game.
The Herd can tell how something tastes simply by touching it.
You can see the Herd’s charisma from outer space.

Thank you for your continued support of Herd AthleticsMichael Swaim Herd Administration P’d off bear

California Herd

Game Notes:
The BP Oil Spill. Gas Prices. Myspace. Megan fox fired from Transformers. Katy Perry’s mere existance. These are all of the most horribly horrific current events in the world today. You can add The Herd’s heart crushing loss to the undefeated YMC A’s to the top of that list. In a game that saw two of the greatest forces in the current co-rec softball universe collide like a mellow mushroom pizza into a tender large intestine, it was the YMC A’s that once again toppled the Mighty Purple Herd in extra innings by a score of 8-7.

At this point in the season, it would simply make more sense to allow the doubles master, Bryan “In tha face, IN THA FACE!” Timmons to start the game out on second base, because his leadoff doubles are as much of a sure thing as a tear jerking Miley Cyrus summer ballad.

Erin “The Fantasy” Haneline was an unlucky victim of superhuman like defense from the A’s, however that did not keep her from being the physical and emotional leader in the Herd Clubhouse as well at pre game festivities. The only questionable decision on the evening form Haneline came when she insisted on going 3 way on the last slice of pizza which doomed the intestines of Herd Management for the remainder of the evening.

Scott “The GOOOOOOOOSE” Walkush has emerged as the true leader of the club on both offense and defense. There simply is not a player in the entire league who can control a game like the Goose. 9 is playing at such a high level at this point in his Herd career that Herd Management considers himself fortunate to be allowed to play on the same field as this amazing physical specimen.

One of the most absolute defining moments in Herd History came just this season as the Might Purps were able to land free agent Jennifer “Don’t mess” Miller. Miller continues to provide brutally physical motivation to the Herd athletes on a game by game basis especially when it is needed the most. Not only are her motivational tactics a pure thing of beauty, her defense reminds Herd Management of a young Carlos Delgado at 1st base. Regardless of the outcome, J-Mill makes sure that the Herd will remain competitive in the most adverse conditions each and every game, despite playing sans jersey.

Herd Management is not sure there is a player swinging a more sizzling hot bat at this point in the season than Shane “Pepperoni is the new bacon” McLane. Mclane continues to deliver clutch offensive performances in each game, and his defense is improving faster than the 2nd season of Glee. Whle McLanes reckless baserunning continues to give Herd Management mini heart attacks, one can only look on with amazement as Shane O continues to successfully defy the laws of logic, angles and basic mathematical principles when it comes to baserunning.

One player that deserves super special accolades is Herd Super Star Heather “Old Crow Medicine Show” Miller. Miller took a shot in the upper thigh from an A’s left handed hitter that would have left lesser athletes disabled and would have even likely ended their career. Mrs. Miller is an exception to the rule. Not only did she return to the game to deliver a clutch 6th inning blast, she was able to score from 2nd base to tie the game in the bottom of the 7th. Herd Management will award the inaugural “Purple Heart” award to Miller at the end of the season for her heroic play despite numerous debilitating injuries.

Part of the culture of co-rec softball are uber star players like our very own C-Nix Christopher “FreakNix” Nixon. Nixon has emerged as perhaps the most dominating player of our time this season. Nixon turned in an emotionally uplifting 5 rbi night to go along with some of the most mind numbingly plays at short stop that you will ever see. Herd management also gives kudos to the fantastic Herd women who shared duties at 1st base, having to take a rocket launched from the mighty arm of CNix at least 2 -3 times per inning.

Herd Management is not sure what training regimen Shannon Craft award took part in over the off season, however it would be in the teams best interest for her to share that with them. It is simply awe inspiring the way Award continues to hit the ball pretty much wherever she wants to whenever she wants to. Shannon Craft Award has had more hits this season than Katy stupid Perry has had in her lifetime.

Another part of the softball culture is seeing athletes make plays that should be physically and mentally impossible. Our very own TZ, Chad “THE GAZELLE” White fits that mold. Biggies earth trembling scampers around the base paths have become something of a natural phenomenon. Herd management could literally take a lawn chair out to 1st base and watch Biggie run the base paths all day long. In some cultures, Biggies trods to 1st would be considered a natural aphrodisiac, or could potentially cure scabies or perhaps a mild case of exema.

One of the truly great spectacles in all of sports is the ever clutch play week in and week out from Herd superstar Ashley “A-DUB” Perdue. A-Dub’s remarkably clutch performance at the plate last night was a huge factor in the Herd being in a position to win the game in the 7th, along with her golden glove at 1st base. Herd Management is still convinced that the skinny ump missed the double play at first in the 3rd inning.

Herd management would like to welcome back to the Herd, after a 7 year hiatus, Mrs. Courtney “nickname forthcoming” Spence!! Courtney was another unfortunate victim of some of the most ridiculously lucky plays by the A’s defense last night, however it is blatantly obvious that Spence will be a valuable addition to our team in the coming weeks as we wind down toward the end of the season.

***Evening Awards***
The "Shannon Craft" award for being Shannon Craft goes to J-Mill for frightening Herd Management in the bottom of the 7th inning to the point of wetting his pants.

The "Redding/Haneline" award for most gut wrenching slide goes the mellow mushroom thin slice for literally wrenching our guts.

Random Herd Facts:

The Herd was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. They then wore her carcass like it was a coat while they made their rounds at the local children's hospital.

The Herd is not lactose intolerant, they just refuse to put up with lactose's crap.

The Herd can mathematically make two wrongs equal a right.

One time in an airport a guy accidently called The Herd "The Third". He explained it was an honest mistake and apologized profusely. The Herd accepted his apology and politely signed an autograph. Nine months later, the guy's wife gave birth to a Purple baby. The guy knew exactly what had happened, and blames nobody but himself.

Thank you for your continued support of Herd Athletics
Michael SwaimHerd Administration
http://www.purpleherd.blogspot.com

Herd Spirit

Last night, a thrown softball struck me in the face. Notice the coloration of this encounter - the Herd even gets injured in purple. I can't wait for next week...

One small step for man, one softball to the face for all mankind

Game Notes:
In a week that was witness to such horrific and mindless tragedies such as Glee, Jennie Stencel, Rogue Softballs to the Face, disturbingly disgusting groin injuries and Kei$ha that has made this world a dark dark place, The MIGHTY PURPLE HERD lit the world on fire with an awe inspiring 13-3 win over the Scrappy Mullens.

Bryan “Cheek Seams” Timmons once again got the party started with his 1st at bat, drilling a scorching double into left center field. Timmons was able to go a blustery 3 for 3 at the plate before what will go down in history as one of the most disturbing facial softball injuries forced him out of the game. Timmons partner at the top of the lineup Erin “Shake it Shake it Shake it Ohh Ohhhh!” Haneline flashed her Gazelle’esq speed on numerous occasions on this evening on offense. Herd Management was witness to one of the most emotionally rewarding displays of hustle in Herd History as The Fantasy scorched the baseline in the 3rd inning to beat out a sharp grounder to 3rd base to keep the inning alive.
Chad “Trip Zero” Biggie continued to swing a bat hotter than a Lady GaGa hit on this special night, however it was his focused play at 3rd base that left the spectators in shock and awe. Reigning MVP Jessica “FREAK” Hendrix was able to put a debilitating illness behind her to put on a show at 2nd base and continues to pick up clutch hits in clutch situations that a mere mortal softball superstar. Herd Management knows that when the Freak takes the field that the Herd will always have a chance to win.

One of the true bright spots on a night that had so many positives was the overall play of Heather “Don't call my name, Alejandro” Miller. Alejandro, yet another Herd superstar facing injury and illness has become the steadying force of the middle of the Herd lineup with her ever improving offensive repertoire. Millers smooth play at the plate and rock solid contributions on defense reminds Herd Management of a young Brittany Spears in the prime of her career, belting out hit after hit and bring so much joy to the lives of everyone she comes into contact with. Another force in the middle of the lineup is Shane “A-Rod” O’MCLANE. While Shane is currently in the midst of his hottest batting streak in his young Herd career, it is OMC’s relentless and sometimes disturbingly “tear your heart out and spit on it” mentality that sets him apart from the most famous trash talkers in the history of co-rec softball.

Herd Management can not say enough (or could he?) about the fortitude of the most amazing athlete ever to don the Majestic Purple, Mr. We$ “@#%^@!!!!” Miller. Less than one week after Miller suffered one of the most gruesome injuries in the prestigious history of Herd groins, Miller stepped up to the plate in the bottom of the 2nd inning and delivered one of the most cinematically scripted home runs ever witnessed. We$ conjured the ghost of 1988 Kirk Gibson and delivered most amazing and game defining home runs of the season.

Another Herd Superstar playing at or near the top of his game this season is CNIX “Hispanic All Star” Nixon. With the exception of one massive pop fly that literally drew rain, CNIX delivered a punishing execution of offensive fire power that had the Mullen Defense playing on the other side of the fence. CNIX has also become a valuable contributor to the ever popular PGF with his wisdom and wit that has ever PGF in attendance groveling at his feet for more. More of what is still to be determined.

In a night that was all about lighting the world on fire, no report would be complete without mentioning Jennifer “Ima bus yo face” Miller. Miller brings a level of intensity to the Glorious Herd that has never been seen in its illustrious history of existence. There are times when J-Mill is at bat that you can literally feel the vibrations of her rage and fury as she grips the bat, ready to attack the softball like a rabid alpaca in heat. Thank you, J-Mill, for being with us instead of against us.

Yet another player who continues her assault on the all time Herd record books is fan favorite, Shannon Craft Award. It is getting old writing about her typical 3-3, perfect defense, perfect demeanor, perfect attitude performance, so at this time, HM will make something up. Shannon Craft was physically attacked by a flock of wild bats on this evening, giving her super hero bat like instincts when the sun goes down. Shannon put her super hero powers into action during the 3rd inning when a rogue ice cream salesman attacked the field in an attempt to bring down Co-Rec softball. Shannon swooped down from her nesting area in left center field and was able to foil the potential terrorist attack. She then sold her guano in an effort to fund the Mighty Purple Herd for the fall season.

A very special player made Herd History on this evening. Ashely “don’t call me Chipper” Perdue set a Herd single game record last night by playing 9 of the 11 possible positions on the field without making an error in 5 innings. Ashley shrugged off her pre game defensive suspension and went out like any professional and simply dominated her sport.

Last nights player of the game goes to our beloved pitcher, Scott “Goose””I hide my softball success from my family” Walkush. Goose delivered yet another inside the park, 3 rbi home run on this evening that set the tone for another Herd Mercy Rule win. Over the past 4 games, Goose is batting a blustery .875 with 13 rbi’s. If the offense weren’t enough to make you drop to your knees in emotional admiration of this sensational physical specimen, Walkush also made some of the most prolifically amazing bare handed stabs from the mound that you will ever see. Herd Management is confident that if Goose and Herd Management ever went camping near a creek, that 9 could use his surgically precise stabbing technique to bring in a delicious bounty of fish from a nearby lake.

Herd News!
Next week we play the YMC A’s and their traveling A fanatics in a life defining game that will determine the 2nd half, and perhaps league champions. I would like for everyone to start physically preparing for this contest on Sunday, and then start mentally preparing for it on Tuesday. Also, Pre Game Festivus will be held at Mellow Mushroom beginning at 5:20.

***Evening Awards***
The "Shannon Craft" award for being Shannon Craft goes to Ashely Perdue for being Ashley Perdue, Shannon Craft, Biggie, Wes, CNix, Heather and Jennifer. You ARE THE SHOW!

The "Redding/Haneline" award for most gut wrenching slide goes to BRYAN TIMMONS for his softball to the face!

Random Herd Facts:
Indians believed cameras stole the souls of those it took pictures of because The Herd typically stored the stolen souls of his friends in a Nikon camera he bought from a 1-armed French prostitute.

Once a cobra bit The Herd’s leg. After 5 days of excruciating pain, the cobra finally died.

The Herd doesn’t believe that there are 50 states, only 2, because where ever the Herd goes becomes a state of Emergency, and when the Herd leaves, they leave a State of Destruction.

The Herd enjoys a good practical joke. Their favorite is when he removes your lower intestine and makes a balloon animal out of it.

Thank you for your continued support of Herd Athletics
Michael Swaim|Herd Administration
http://www.purpleherd.blogspot.com