I was there and I saw what Herd did..I saw it with my own two eyes!

LAST NIGHT:

Aon 11 Boogerpickers 15
Herd 11 Sum n not so special 7
YMCA 19 Boogerpickers 9

Next Week:
6:30 Sum N Not So Special v/s Outsource BLUM
7:30 YMCA v/s Herd BLUM
8:30 Winner of Sumn/Aon v/s Groomingdales

Absent Next Week:?

Herd On a Mission:
Herd has secured a spot in the championship day on October 7th.
Herd needs only to beat YMCA to clinch at least a 2nd place trophy.

Game Notes:
On one of the most magically and mysterious full moon evenings of the decade, the once Mighty, then Blundering then Mighty again Purple Herd stunned the world by ousting the oversized juiceheads from Sum n Special by a final score of 11-7 in what promises to be a game the historians will look back upon millions of years from now to describe how softball should be played.

It was the Herd Women who injected a life-size bottle of heart into the struggling Herd. Herd Favorite Shannon Craft Award came up HUGE on several occasions, driving in several of the most clutch runs of her prestigious career.

Jeni from Mullen fell victim to the unfortunate Herd Management substitution pattern only getting one at bat on the night, however her contributions were felt deeply within the moral fibers of Herd Administration, as she was able to keep a very neat and tidy scorebook, one that could actually be read and comprehended by others outside of the Herd Management Mind.
Another victim of the dastardly substitution was the destroyer, J-Mill. Mill has secured her spot as one of the overall best 2nd basewoman in all of the league but that was not where the Mill excelled on this glorious evening. Mill’s pre bat motivational techniques were inspirational, intense and indeed, a bit frightening.

One Herd woman who has lifted her game higher than Lindsey Lohan at a get out of jail early party is Herd Superstar Heather Miller. Miller delivered at the plate all night long going a blustery 3-3 at the plate with at least 3 runs scored. Not only did Miller scorch Hanes Hosiery with her heroic play all night long, she brought in a replacement for the absent We$ “bgf” Miller that will change the direction of the Purple Herd for the rest of eternity. Welcome to the squad Jackson.

Adding an element of intimidation and pure unadulterated smack talk to the Mighty Purple Herd this season and especially last night is Herd Rookie, the hero, Lauren Hunt. While it seemed that the ump was making horrible call after horrible call, it was the Hero that made sure he knew about it, launching a Herd laced tirade in the direction of the man in blue to make sure that if he made another call as horrible as the last, he should indeed fear for his life.

It was the play of two very special Herd women last night however, that catapulted the Big Purps into the semi finals with their tear jerkingly amazing play. Our Legend, Ashley “No Hits since Japan” Perdue broke out of a Okinawa size self proclaimed slump with 2 of the most crucial hits of the Herd season last night, giving the Herd the lead in two different innings. Not only was Perdue Hotter than Brittney Spears guest appearance on Glee next week at the plate, her glove work at 1st defiantly secured the win for the Prestigious Purps.

Also breaking out in a big way last night was our glorious Fantasy, Erin Haneline. Haneline has had a goal of physically removing the oppositions catcher from the game since her inception into the Tar Heel league many years ago, and last night she realized that dream, beaming the vaunted Sum N catcher right in the upper mommy parts, making her realize that catching while the fantasy is batting is reserved for only the most durable and unbreakable of athletes.

While the Herd Women carried the load all night long for the Big Purps, the Herd Gentlemen also held their own.

Not only did The Gazelle hold down 3rd base despite playing in a dust cloud that would make the Arizona Deserts jealous, Trip Zero’s pre pre game festivity of Bohangeles’ was a bold decision that paid off in a number of ways all night long. Another huge Biggie contribution was his willingness to hit it to the left fielder all night, wearing her down for the late game situations and rendering her basically useless for the remainder of the contest.

Pregame festivity superstar slash 2009 Herd MVP Chris Nixon was yet again a beast with a bat last night. Nix’s 5 rbi’s led the way and his vacuum like defense at short ensured that the sum’ns would not escape the Mighty Herd with another win. The strength and determination was undoubtedly fused into the body C-Nix during PGF when he made the revelation that Finnegans puts cucumbers in its water. It is moments like this that show you that Herd PGF is not only a moment of beauty and grace, it is also a moment of weirdly combined food groups that help you play better.

Another Pre game Superstar, Bryan “Doubles, but last night the singles were just as amazing” Timmons, still riding high from the emotional Double Rainbow moment from last week was literally on fire all night at the plate. Timmons was 4-4 with too many rbi’s to count and was literally all over the place in right center field. For the record, Doubles is batting .925 from the leadoff spot this season, indeed a Herd Record and a THL Record as well. All records are kept securely in the mind of Herd Administration, where they can be easily recollected and accessed at any time.

By far the brightest star in the sky and on the field last night was our beloved C-Dub. Dub had a MONSTER game, exhibiting the most devastating cannon arm in Herd History last night, doubling up the freak sum n left fielder to secure the 1 run lead in the 4th inning. That one play will and should be forever seared into the minds and memory of us all, leaving no doubt that our Dub is overall the most complete package of a softball player even in existence.

SCOTT YOU DID GOOD. YOU HITTED THE BALL GOOD AND ALSO PITCHED GOOD TOO!! THANK YOU FOR THE 3 RUN HOME RUN YOU HIT AND THE OTHER TIMES YOU HIT TOO. YOU ARE A VERY SPECIAL BOY. ALSO THANK YOU FOR THE VERY SPECIAL SALUTE YOU GAVE HERD ADMINSTRATION AT PRE GAME FESTIVITES.

Seriously though, Herd Administration had a nightmare about what things for the Herd would be like without the contributions of what is considered to be the overall best player in the league. The nightmare consisted of being forced out of the league and to play with compensated, then after Herd Administration’s wife left him for Todd Barr, HM would then be forced to care for the Barr/Swaim lovechild and bring him up into a world with no Herd, No Fantasy and most importantly no Goose. Please Goose, never leave me.

EVENING AWARDS:
The “Bring it” Herd Spirit award goes to J-Mill and Hero for their unadulterated primal screams before, during and after each inning of this Epic Herd Contest
The “Shannon Craft Award” for being Shannon Craft goes to Jackson Miller for being Wes Miller!!

The “Hide yo kids Hide Yo Wife” award for being so intimidating running the bases that the punk sum n special infield complained about putting his hands on his head to avoid getting hit IN THA FACE AWARD goes to Doubles Timmons for doing just that

Random Herd Factoids:
Many children enjoy games like jump rope, tiddlywinks and marbles. As a child, The Herd enjoyed killing people with jump rope, tiddlywinks and marbles.

The Herd likes its meat so rare that they only eat unicorns.

If the Herd were to punch you in the face, you would have to fight off the urge to thank them.
The Herd once sent $2,000 to a Nigerian scammer and actually received their $2.7 million inheritance.

The Herd once started a fire using dental floss and water.

Thank you for your continued support of Herd Athletics,

Michael Swaim Herd Adminstration
http://www.purpleherd.blogspot.com

Ohhhh Ohhhhh, Your Herd is on Fire!

Game Notes:
The Night Belongs to Lovers…but last night belonged to the Goose, Sergeant Scott Walkush. On an evening where the Herd couldn’t seem to sustain any sort of substantial offensive explosion, it was our Captain Walkush who led the charge with a career high 3 home runs and 19 rbi’s on the Herd’s 3rd multi game night of the season that lead the Mighty Purple Herd to its first two game sweep of the season and secured a .500 record on the year. Great job young turk!

While Walkush was indeed one of the most dominating specimens since Kate Gosling’s fertility injections, the beloved and fantastic Fantasy Haneline was able to shoulder the load for the women, knocking in a paltry 11 runs herself on the evening. It wasn’t so much the dominating performance by Fantasy that was so beautiful, it was the complete and unadulterated hustle on every single play that made Herd management feel all warm inside.

While the Mighty Purple Herd has struggled to regain its dominating demeanor for the biggest part of the season, there was one special moment in this game that may go down as the turning point of the season. While many believe this moment came when Herd Managements shorts fell down on his trounce down to first base, it indeed is not the moment. The moment came in the 4th inning of the same v/s the Drunken Soccer Players when our favorite transfer, Jeni from Mullen came out of the dugout with a burning hatred fuming in her deep purple eyes. A hatred not seen since the days of the Compensated rivalry. It is of Herds management’s belief that this hatred spewed over into the entire team, single handedly willing them to victory.

Another Herd player with fire in her eyes and fury in her heart was J-Mill. The Mill has been on an absolute tear this season, both at the plate and at the 9 different positions she has played defensively throughout the course of the year. J-Mill is now the 1st rookie in Herd history to play 4 positions on the same night and in the same game. While Mull struck fear into the heart of Herd Administration upon her arrival in some of the most intimidating doctor looking wardrobe, her calming yet dominating influence on all 2 games was indeed a much needed mind relieving experience all night long.

In a pregame speech with Fantasy, it was determined that when the city of Winston Salem finally erects a statue in the Honor of its beloved Purple Army, the statue will indeed take on the perfectly silent, yet dominating appearance of The Show, C- Dub. Dub has inspired so many of us in so many different ways throughout the years. At least 4 of the Herd athletes are currently trying to emulate his batting stance and overall outlook on life.

One player who is quickly becoming a Herd Icon is our utility player, our biggie, and our gazelle, Chad Biggie White. When Herd Management was recollecting the happenings of this epic double-header victory, it was the overall play of our Biggie that seemed to stand out like a beautiful Rhinna/Eminem compilation. The Gazelle played a flawless 3rd base and pitched a gem for the first 4 innings of the Aon contest.

One of the most physically intimidating and down right frightening figures in the history of the Herd..ney…they History of the league this year is our uber slugger, Wes by gosh frikin Miller. Not much can be said about Miller’s skill set or contributions to this team that hasn’t already said, however one moment in the beloved career of Miller occurred in the 1st game last night when this creature literally ate the hard rubber knob off of a bat. Ate a rubber knob. Off of a bat. Let that settle in for a minute.

It was a long and hard, yet uber productive day for Herd Rookie, Lauren “Hero” Hunt. Hunts pregame ambitions were dully noted via iphone video, however it was her in game dedication that was most influential to the entire Herd team. The reputation of the Hero has obviously been spread throughout the league due to the fact that the Doodlebugs REFUSED to hit a ball anywhere near her all night long.

In softball, superstition is the norm. Some women will not step on the chalk while coming off of the field, while some guys on our team love to wear womens underwear. One of the most superstitious players on our team however, is Doubles Timmons. Never before has Herd Management seen one natural event such as a Double Rainbow turn around the season of not only one individual such as Timmons, but the entire Purple Herd team. Double Rainbow. What does it all mean? Wins. Double wins. That’s what it means. All the way.

Mortal words and phrases simply can not quantify the true love and compassion Herd management has for the All Time Herd Great, Ashley A-Dub Perdue. A-Dubs contributions to this mighty Herd nation do not come from her mind blowing stats alone. No. A-Dubs impact is felt far beyond the softball field. If Things are tight, Dub will put on a stand up comedic routine that rivals that of comedic great Asis Ansari to loosen up the team. If the Herd needs to score the runner at 3rd, A Dub will calmly drop a single in behind the 1st baseman. And if the Herd needs a stop, the mighty power glove work of our beloved Franchize Perdue will make the play. Respect.

Finally, Herd Management would like to give a sincere and heart felt shout out to the most prolificly amazing player on the roster, one Mrs. Heather Haneline Ice Cream Miller. Miller comes to the game with a mindset that she is going to sacrifice her heart, body and soul for the betterment of The Purple Good and last night was no exception. With a beautiful swan dive into 3rd base in one of the most critical situations of the entire year, Ice Cream has solidified herself as a True Herd Legend that dreams are made of. Millers bat has so dramatically improved since the first of the year that teams across the nation are in shock and awe of such majestic greatness.

EVENING AWARDS:
The “Shannon Craft award for being Shannon Craft” goes to Wes By Gosh Frikin Miller for being the Herd Profit, always knowing what is going to happen before it happens can save the life of Herd Administration.

The “Haneline/Miller devastating slide” award goes to HEATHER MILLER for her crucially perfect 3rd base jab.

Random Herd Facts:

When the Herd was nine, they dressed as themselves to go trick-or-treating. The Herd came home with a bag full of candy, a bag full of miniature liquor bottles, an Irish Setter, and two underage prostitutes carrying more of their candy.

The Herd was the first person to walk up to a cow and say, “Whatever comes out of these things when I squeeze them, I’m drinking!”

The Herd is the life of parties they never even attended.

Once, the eye of a passing hurricane winked at the Herd.

Thank you for your continued support of Herd Athletics,
Michael Swaim Herd Administration
http://www.purpleherd.blogspot.com

Do you remember the time?....

Games Last Night:
YMCA 17 Herd 7
Sum 7 Aon 0
Groomingdales More Aon Less
Ymca more Aon Less

Games Next Week:
Herd v/s Groom W4 6:30
Herd v/s Outsource WF 8:30

Random Notes of Failure:

The Herd has a 4 game losing streak against one team for the 1st time in Club History.
The Herd can finish no higher than .500 for the first time in 5 years.
The Herd has been mercy ruled in 3 consecutive games for the first time in Club History.

However..
With 4 wins in the tournament, the Herd can still repeat as Fall World Champions! DON’T STOP BELIEVIN…..

Absent Next Week:
For the love of all that is good and right in this world, please, everyone be here.

Game Notes:
In perhaps the greatest showing of team unity and fan support in the history of the once Mighty Purple Herd, Family De La Walkush put on one of the most completely dominating pregame festivity tailgate parties in the history of Co-Rec softball. Not only did this event bring awareness to the Herd struggles, it was thought to be a preventative measure to ensure that nothing so disastrous as being mercy ruled 2 games in a row would ever happen again. Fans from miles away came to participate in this epic event, complete with fantastubulous hot dogs, pizza and assorted beverages from the prestigious Gatorade family. When Herd management looked up to the parking lot from his post on Field 3, he could not help but to become overcome with emotion and simultaneous jubilation. Also of note: Scotts Birthday. Happy.

The fun did not stop there. The Mighty Herd returned to 2009 mid season form early in the showdown with the YMCA’s, going up 7-3 thanks to an amazing all around effort by the entire Haneline/Miller family. Wes “BGF” Miller got his first career Herd start in LC and needless to say, he did not disappoint. Despite almost getting plowed over by one of the most intimidating physical specimens in the history of the Herd Outfield in Herd Administration, Wes was able to make numerous ESPN’esq plays in the outfield to accompany his 4-4 at the plate including one of the most skull crushing home runs you will ever see. Heather “Purple makes everything Glorious” Miller also brought her A game on this amazing evening, going a glorious 3-4 at the plate along with several crucial put outs in her 1st start in LF of the season. It was not the on the field contributions that make Ice Cream one of the most beloved Herd Athletes of our or any generation, it is her off the field attributes that catapult her into a different stratosphere. Tonight’s contribution: Magic Purple Silly Bands. Sensational.
The 3rd member of the Haneline/Miller quartette, J-Mill continues to show Herd administration what a waste of the last 33 years has been without her on the Herd Roster. J-Mull is the steadying force in the batter’s box and has become one of the most feared 2nd base/first base women in the entire league with her Stephie Graph’esq grunt each time she decapitates a softball into left field.

Another Herd rookie superstar, Jeni Mullen is starting to truly develop her Herd legs at this point of the season. Despite playing for 9 different teams last night, she left her heart, mind, body and soul with the Herd, beating out several ground balls with her Mullen like speed and holding down Left Field as could only be expected from a Superstar League Veteran such as herself.

One of, if not THE hottest female bats rests souly on the mighty shoulders of one Ms. Shannon Craft Award. There has not been one single night this year that Awards bat wasn’t as sizzling hot as a delicious Justin Beiber single and last night was no exception. Shannon was able to drive in a clutch run in the top of the 1st inning that gave the Mighty Herd a cushion for the rest of the night.

Another silent Herd legend, our very own Chris Pfohl was able to put off his duties running the most prestigious night club in the entire metropolitan area last night to lend the Herd a helping hand in its greatest time of need and as always Chris “Worry about the 1st, get the rest later” Pfohl was up to the task especially with the metal in his hand. Phol took it upon himself to literally, completely and undoubtedly DESTROY the 1st basewoman for the already shorthanded A’s. The rockets launched from the mighty bat of Pfhol had the 1st basewoman quivering in a pile of her own fear induced vomit all night, and it was indeed a thing of beauty.

The Legend of all Herd Legend, Ashley “you are the reason I have grey hairs” Perdue continued her amazing streak of giving Herd Management grey hairs last night, arriving literally 4 seconds prior to to the game. Ashley dismissed her duties at work in a very similar way that she dismisses the mental stability and mindset of Herd Administration, quickly and effortlessly.

While Biggie’s greatest accomplishments on the field are oft overlooked, he made a tremendous contribution off the field last night in ways that can only be expressed with a romantic embrace. It was Biggie who informed Herd Administration of the Tailgating party going on just feet above the field, a party that Herd Administration was unaware of at the time. Biggie, true American hero.

Then we lost.


***Evening Awards***
The “Shannon Craft” award for being Shannon Craft goes to Kyle Brown for Being Ashley Perdue for like 3 minutes.

The “Haneline Only” slide award goes to Wes “BFG” Miller for having the mindset to slide under Herd Administration, avoiding what would have been described in the history books as the follow-up to the Big Bang Theory.

Random Herd Facts
The Herd has amassed an amazingly large DVD collection, and has never once alphabetized it.
The Herd taught a horse to read its emails for them.
The Herd aced a Rorschach test
The Herd once visited a psychic…to warn her.
The Herd’s parents were named after them.

Thank you for your continued support of Herd Athletics,

Michael Swaim Herd Administrationhttp://www.purpleherd.blogspot.com/

Come baby Come baby, baby Come Come

There comes a time in every athletes career that she/he needs as much mental and physical support that they can possible accumulate. Times such as disastrous losing streaks, playoff contests, championship games and now, the first ever triple header in Herd History. This triple header will be the defining moment of the 2010 Fall Regular season for the attention deprived Mighty Purple Herd. It is with great desire that Herd Administration is asking you, the Mighty Purple Herd Fans, to come together and be what we have lacked for the better part of 2010, our Athletic Supporters. Short or tall, black or white, big or small, Athletic Supporters go a long way in lifting up the spirits of the Herd Nation. Herd Management is asking you, Maggie Ghylenhall, and you G-Nix, and you Ouida, and you K-Woot, and anyone else that will listen to come out this Thursday night and spend an evening with Your Mighty Purple Herd.

Because Your Herd, Your Herd is my Drug

Game Notes:
On an evening where Passion, Desire, Youthful Exuberance and Unbridled Motivation were replaced with crispy gorditas, taco pizza’s, olive dip and double stuffed taco’s, the Mighty Purple Herd wilted under the pressure, suffering their 3rd consecutive loss at the hands of the defending spring champions, the YMC A’s

Despite their pregame assault on all things Taco, Wes “By Gosh Frikin” Miller, Heather “Sweat T” Miller and Erin “Fantasy Taco” Haneline, the Haneline/Miller trio were able to perform and an unhealthily high level on the softball field. By Gosh Frikin was absolutely robbed of a game tying home run by the 103% humidity on the field, undoubtedly caused by the multitude of Mexican delicacy intakes. Another member of the Miller family involved in a robbery was fan favorite Heather “Sugar” Miller. Miller demonstrated time and time again why she is one of the most feared and respected 2nd basewomen in the game, making one of the most bedazzling plays to end an inning that your eyes will ever see. The 3rd member of the Taco Trinity, Erin “Fantasy” Haneline was also involved in a robbery of her own, when Herd fan favorite stepped in to rob her of a put out in the 2nd inning. Also of note, it was discovered that the fantasy has perhaps the softest hands on the team, reminiscent of a fluffy cloud in a western sunset.

The 4th member of the Haneline/Miller Quadrant, Jenn “Devastator” Miller was able to avoid the lures and temptations of a delicious outing at the border, and it showed. Miller continued her destruction on the Herd rookie record books, going an impressive 3-4 on the night, which included starting the Herd only 2 rallies of the evening.

While most of the Herd did all they could to ensure victory on the evening, it appeared that our own pitcher, the heart and soul of the team was single handedly out to sabotage any chance the Herd had of winning the game by forcing the Herds Greatest Fans and only true inspirations to compete and win, his wife and kids, to stay at home. Herd management was absolutely devastated as he scanned out over the capacity crowd and did not see the Herds most important and vital fans in the stands.

In a true testament to the absolute power and might of the YMC A’s, the Herd’s designated lightning bolt, Gazelle Trip Zero Biggie was thrown out at first base for the 1st time in his prestigiously illustrious career. The big fella also fell victim to the pre game weigh down of one of the most dominatingly destructive pre game meals in Herd History however.

Chad “C-Dub the outfield thief” Welch made his highly anticipated return last night, and he did not disappoint. Not only did C-Dub stay an entire county away from any sort of Taco’s, Gordita’s, Burrito’s or Chicken Apple Sandwiches, Dub was able to put on a display in the outfield that left our own right fielder, The Fantasy, standing in awe of such mighty majesty. Dub was so absurdly keyed up to make his return to the Mighty Purp that he forgot that he actually had a left fielder and right center fielder, and made some of the most amazingly epic plays in the outfield this season.

C-Nix is a dadgum freak. Herd Management dreams on a regular basis that he had only a fraction of percentage of talent that this superstar displays on a minute by minute basis. Just the sight of C-Nix in the field makes Herd Administration feel insignificant and irrelevant not only on the softball field, but also in the grand scheme of life.

Lauren “still needs a nickname” Hunt once again lived up to her billing as one of the fastest players in the league tonight as her scorching speed down the first baseline kept the all important Herd rally alive in the 4th inning. While her almost Gazelle like speed was literally a thing of beauty, it was her mind boggling heist of the YMC A player in right field that brought the house to its feet in the 6th inning, saving 3 runs and keeping the Herd Alive for one final exhausting rally.

Two of the more storybook displays of excellence on this night came from two of the most historic Herd icons in Herd History. Shannon “Award” Craft, fresh off of her trip to Japan, kept her hot bat from the spring going tonight, despite not taking the field on almost 3 months. Craft was an awe-inspiring 3-4 at the plate and is batting a jaw dropping .750 on the season!

Herd eidolon Ashley “A-Dub” Perdue continues to prove over and over again why she is by far the most intimidating and dominating force in the history of co-rec athletics. Fresh off Herd Awareness trip to Japan and another trip to Chicago, Ashley was able to hit the ball to any spot on the field that she so desired all night long.

The brightest spot for the men on offense this evening had to be that of Bryan “hide yo kid hide yo wife” Timmons. With the Herd mired in an offensive funk like never seen before, it was Timmons who shouldered the load for the Herd, going 4-4 and was a mere home run away from hitting for the first cycle in Herd History. Not only did Timmons bring the heat on the field, his mere presence at PGF was one of the most inspirational stories of the evening.

**Evening Awards**

The "Redding/Haneline" award for most gut wrenching slide goes to Heather Miller for her Plop.

The "Redding/Haneline" award for most gut wrenching slide goes to Jennifer Miller for her bone crushing slide into home.

The "Redding/Haneline" award for most gut wrenching slide goes to Scott “Sergeant Goose” Walkush for his random yet timely slides into pretty much every base on the field.

The “Don’t ever eat there again” award goes to Taco Bell.

The “Shannon Craft” award for being Shannon Craft goes to the most fantastically awesome fans in the history of the Mighty Purple Herd…the Walkush Spouse and kids.

Random Herd Facts
The Herd doesn’t turn on the Shower. They simply look at it until it cries.

When the Herd holds the iPhone 4, the reception actually INCREASES.

When The Herd played golf for money, they marked down a hole in 0 every time. A pro at the golf club, said to The Herd: "excuse me Herd, but you can’t score zero on a hole".

The Herd turned towards the man and said,” I’M THE BY GOSH FRIKIN HERD!” The man then proceeded to pour gas over his body and set himself on fire because that would be less painful than getting roundhouse kicked by the mighty Herd. The Herd kicked him in the face anyway.
Thank you for your continued support of Herd Athletics,
Michael Swaim Herd Administrationhttp://www.purpleherd.blogspot.com/

I like the way it Herds, I like the way it Herds..

Game Notes:

The Mighty Purple Herd opened the 2010 Fall Season in a huge, monumental way with an epic win over The Manchester United Aon Outsource This’s by a final score of 14-1. Things got off to a rocky start earlier in the week when Herd Management realized that he would be without 5 (five) of the Herd’s most prestigious and decorated players for this early season tussle with the feisty This’. It was at that point that the realization came to fruition that one of the most amazingly epic recruiting tasks would be at hand. The 1st recruit came at the hands of Heather ICE CREAM SURE WOULD HAVE BEEN FRIKIN NICE YESTERDAY Miller. Miller, known more for her crafty skills at 2nd, is one of the league’s most overlooked recruiters. Ice Cream has brought amazing talent to the Purp in the past, but the recruitment of Laura “lastnameescapsme” Ballplayer was one of her finest works ever. Laura came in fresh off of her last stint as a softball player just 8 years ago and made a difference not only behind the plate and at bat, but made a difference in all of our lives in such a positive way it is simply far too emotionally distracting to mention in this blurb.

Perhaps the most amazing and unexpected recruits in the history of not only co-rec softball but in the history of sports all around the globe is one Mr. Nakoma Smith. This recruitment shows why Herd Management is by far the most amazing recruiter. Ever. For Serious. A simple blurb many many months ago on facebook was made about Nakoma “you belong with us” Smith’s antics in a softball game far far away. Herd Management records these trite facts like a one terabyte hard drive for easy access when needed. With the absence of 3 of our most fierce hitters, it was time to call up Mr. Smith to the show and he delivered in a way that could only be dreamed about.

The acquisition of Nakoma would have not been possible if it weren’t for our very own Chris “Freak” Nix. I almost refuse to pen another word about Freak for it can only diminish his legacy among the greatest athletes of our or any generation. Freak made the all important call to Nakoma to secure that commitment, then went out and simply dominated the left side of the infield all day long. You don’t know how it feels. You don’t know how it feels. You don’t know how it feels, to be Nix.

Our third and perhaps most eye opening recruit of the evening was one Mr. Chris “1/2 amazing, 1/3 pitcher, 1/3 defensive genius, 1/3 show stopper” Pfohl. The Purple Herd Blood runs deep within Pfhols veins, so this recruitment was perhaps the easiest of the 3. CPfohl, initially recruited to play 3rd base, was able to move back to the mound thanks to the absolute generosity and kindness of Sergeant Goose, who was not only willing to play short stop, he was almost giddy. Giddy like a school girl. The move to the mound for CPfohl was another brilliant move in a long line of brilliant moves by Herd Management. It became obvious throughout the day that most of the OST athletes feared Pfohl similar to the way Katy Perry fears talent…they do not want any part of it. This came to light as Pfohl recorded a 1st batter of the season strikeout for the first time in co-rec history.

Pfohl would not have had the opportunity to dominate the OST batters had it not been for the Herds most beloved superstar’s willingness to move over to Shortstop. Not only did our very own Sergeant Goose make the move to the middle of the defense, he did it with elegance and grace often associated with a beautiful Marcy Playground ballad. While the move to SS would have been a career ending decision for most, that was not the case for Goose, as he was able to flash beautiful displays of brilliance with his leather before he moved back to his rightful place atop the mound to record the final 3 outs of the game.

Yet another wonderful display of versatility was shown by our very own dancing Gazelle, Biggie trip z White. Trip Z was able to hold down the hot corner with absolute precision all evening long before he made his 1st career appearance in the outfield. The OST batters were so frightened of the big fella that they absolutely REFUSED to hit a ball anywhere near him all night long. One can only imagine what the outcome would have been had they tested his skills in the outfield. I dream of a day where we can all witness Trip Z get on his horse and track down a ball in the outfield like a heat seeking Gazelle.

In the fall, one of the Herds biggest downfalls was our lack of blistering speed. This need was addressed in the offseason by our acquisitions of Ty Lauren and Jeni “From Mullen” Hodges. Not only do these finely tuned athletes bring much desired and fantasized about speed to the mighty Purps, they also show the world that regardless of your roots, you are born to enhance the Herd experience. It is well documented that the Herd and Mullen grew up together over the past 4 years. Over those 4 years it also became obvious that Jeni “From Mullen” had more than earned a chance to compete with the most prestigious group of athletes in the history of the universe. While the Herd and Mullen were often seen as “sister teams” Compensated and Herd were not. This is what makes the acquisition of Lauren “Ty” Hunt so special. Herd Management looks forward to seeing these two ladies grow in their Purple over the course of the next 11 weeks.

The easy choice for game MVP is the beloved J-Mill. Herd management has become such a fan of J-Mill that he is currently in the process of developing a strategy to put J in a box and take her with him wherever he goes and also to put her on display next to the fantastic heirlooms of Herd years past. J-Mill turned in by far her most dominating offensive performance of her short but dominating Herd Career, going 4-4 with 3 rbi’s and 3 runs scored.

No Herd Report would be complete with the absolute obvious stroking of Herd Favorite, the Fantasy, Erin Haneline. Fantasy was able to take a few innings off from playing a mindwreckingly dominate left field for the first time in almost 5 years to sit back and enjoy her creation for once. It is pure pleasure watching the Fantasy’s spirit and electricity literally rub off on the entire Herd, motivating them and pushing them to levels thought impossible to reach. Thank you Fantasy, for being our Zen.

League Info:
Herd management has discovered some very useful information about the teams in the league. The Groomingdales are comprised of several Lab Rats as well as the core from a team that went 11-0 in the spring and had a run differential of + 144 according to their coach. Sum N Special is an unfortunate combination of two of the most dominating teams in the history of the league…Sherry’s Pub and Carlyle’s pub. YMCA is the exact same team that went undefeated in our league in the spring. Needless to say, we do indeed have our work cut out for us this fall.

***Evening Awards***
The "Redding/Haneline" award for most gut wrenching slide goes to Sergeant Goose for taking out the OST catcher early and often.

The “Most uneventful game ever” award goes to this game. Seriously. Throw me a bone here people.

The “Shannon Craft” award goes to Bryan Timmons, Wes Miller, C-Dub, Ashley and Shannon Craft for all being like Shannon Craft….ABSENT!


Random Herd Facts

Sharks have dedicated an entire week of watching a television show dedicated to The Herd.

When the Herd was born, the only person to cry was the doctor. NEVER SLAP THE HERD!

Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and The Herd roundhouse kicked him across the face a couple of times.

The Herd frequently donates blood to the red cross…just never its own.

Thank you for your continued support of Herd Athletics,

Michael Swaim Herd Administrationhttp://www.purpleherd.blogspot.com/

Although we've come...to the end of the Herd...

Game Notes:

Over the years, Herd management has experienced various types of unbearable pain. Pain such as kidney stones, arm strains, back pain, unc national championships and broken ankles. None of these pains however can compare to the pain of losing to a team who’s best player is a short stop that looks like Zack Morris from Saved by the Bell and Phyllis Diller mated and produced an detestable offspring.

Despite the scorching hot bats of the Herds most prolific power hitting duo in team History, We$ “by gosh firkin “ Miller and Chris “robbed” Nixon, the Herd was unable to overcome the rat demons on this humid evening. Nixon filled in admirably at LC for Doubles Timmons, despite being robbed of robbing a home run from the steroid enhanced psycho pitcher. We$ turned in one of the most completely dominating performances at Short Stop that Herd Management has ever witnessed, ruining the lives and dreams of many rat base runners on the evening.

Shane O’Mite McLane, fresh off of his self imposed 3 game suspension, returned to the roster with a fresh mindset and a whole new love for the game, and it showed in a huge way. McLane made some of the most unbelievably acrobatic catches in right field that had most spectators confused and bedazzled all evening. Not only was he hot, both literally and metaphorically in the outfield, he came through with numerous clutch hits down the stretch against Wings that sent the Might Herd into the Semi Finals.

Drill Sergeant Scott “Goose” Walkush rebounded in a HUGE way on the mound last night with a flawless pitching effort in both games. The story of the night though was Sergeant Goose taking over the leadoff spot in the batting order. Goose lived up to the management imposed hype, delivering base hit after base hit, setting the table for the Herd offense all night long. The play of the year came when Sergeant Goose took it upon himself to physically remove the head rat from the game with a scorching missile up the middle with the very first pitch that shook the nerves of the rats pitcher, bringing the Herd sideline to its feet in admiration and approval.

The Herd most improved player Award this year will have to go to The Dancing Gazelle, Triple Zero Chadwick White. All year long, the Gazelle has been able to deliver in the most crucial of situations on both offense and defense. It is one thing to simply produce when your team needs you the most however the Gazelle took it to a whole new level this year and produced with elegance and grace that would be enough to make a grown man cry.

One of the staples of the Herd lineup all year long was our Fantasy, EH #8. Fantasy was locked in at the plate all night long, producing at the highest of levels. Fantasy had the look in her eye from the get go that she was not going to allow the Herd suffer another loss at the hands of the dastardly rats. Herd management considers this the finest effort of the season put forth by the Fantasy and relishes the opportunity to watch her expand on this in the fall season.

The Shannon Craft Award was also highly keyed in at the plate all night long on the bittersweet evening. Award is hitting the ball better than she ever has in her entire career, which needless to say is quite an accomplishment for such a decorated veteran of the Mighty Purple Herd. Award, who comes dressed in the old school Blundering Herd Jersey to inspire of the way things used to be, in a better time, was able to summon the ghosts of Herd past and deliver beautifully orchestrated base hits that scattered throughout the outfield all night long.

The Hammer, J-Mill, was our vocal and defensive leader last night, rivaling the Sergeant in motivational words and phrases. It was 11 Thursdays ago last evening that J-Mill lost her Herdginity, and since that glorious, emotional moment she has blossomed into one of the league’s best overall player. J-Mill swings the bat with such resounding fury, that the entire left side of the field quivers in their cleats each and every time Hammer walks into the batter’s box. It is the defense that J provided to the Herd that has earned her the Managers Female MVP award this season.

Herd Management becomes overcome with emotion as he recollects the last two season he was able to spend with the most amazingly gifted athlete and genuinely nice person in the history of co-rec athletics. It is with deep sadness and immeasurable sorrow that we bid goodbye to what will forever be our MVP, Jessica Hendrix. Jessica brought a much desired flare and spark to the Herd last year that led us to our first back to back championship season in Herd History. She also brought us Blake that one time. That was awesome.

In what is considered an all around dark and depressing night, there were two sensational women that shone brighter than the brightest stars in the sky. Herd management would like to thank Rose “KET” Ketner and Hien “Usain Bolt” Lewis for their sensationally amazing contributions to the overall success of the Herd Nation last night. Words can’t even begin to describe the amount of gratitude and admiration Herd Management has for these two amazing women. While it may have seemed to be a bit of a stretch to bring in one of the players for the despised yet now defunct Compensated squad, Ket was able to provide late inning heroics when things looked their darkest to the Mighty Purp. One of the superstars from the 2009 Spring Championship team also provided the same late inning heroics with her unmatched speed and desire to make everyone around her better. These two ladies will forever hold a special place in the Herd’s Purple Hearts.

Random Herd Facts:
The Herd once threw itself a surprise party but couldn’t attend because they didn’t give themselves enough notice.
When the Herd orders a salad, they get the dressing right there on top of the salad, where it belongs…and there is no turning back.
Bulls flat out refuse to fight The Herd
If the Herd argues with you, it is because you are wrong.
The Herd can navigate a ship by stars…during the day.

Michael SwaimHerd Administration