Friday, March 26, 2010

Preseason Domination, Herd Style

Next Game:
April 8 @ Groomingdales 6:30 Washington Pk #4

Preseason Standings:
Herd 1-0
ECW 0-1

Herd Notes:
No Herd Notes

Game Notes:
When other mere mortal athletic squads have accomplished life goals of dominating their sport, they tend to become complacent and let their guards down. Not the Mighty Purple Herd my friends. In what will be forever known as the most intensely epic and virtually flawless preseason scrimmage effort in the history of organized sports, The defending World Champion Purple Herd completely and utterly decimated the prohibitive preseason #2 team in the Thursday Co-Rec League, the East Coast Wings, by a final imagined score of 48-6. The scintillatingly and historic middle infield of We$ Miller and his spouse, Heather Miller turned a career high 11 double plays in the 1st inning of the route, setting the tone for the remainder of the evening. Not only did We$ give us flashes of pure genius at shortstop, he also hit a towering home run in the first inning that made the entire ECW team reconsider their decision to join the league. The 2009 TarHeel league pitcher of the year, Scott "Goose" Walkush was placed in a position to not only hone his skills against the opposition, he also decided to pitch to his own teammates. While this alone would be worthy of praise and accolades normally reserved for princesses of foreign 3rd world countries, Goose also pitched to himself, the children in attendance and random conspicuous figures walking dogs up the street.
Offensively, the story of the game is the fastest big man on the planet, Chad "The Gazelle" Biggie. The Gazelle was already in midseason gazelle like form, with his blinding scampers around the basepaths and mindnumbingly quick reflexes in the outfield to almost make a play on a ball. While the Gazelle was able to maintain his normal indy car like speed around the basepaths, MVP CNix decided to reign it in a bit with a shot to left center field that allowed Mr. Nix to take a break from any competitive like baserunning. Herd Rookies Shane "nobody hates complesated like" McLane and Jennifer "UpGrade" Miller brought relief to Herd Management with their stellar defense emotional offensive ability on this evening. These two rookies should make the losses of AnnAmanda, CDub, and Amanda bearable.
Erin "Fantasy" Haneline, back from her 6 month self imposed Herd Banishment, showed why she is the most feared hitter in all of Professional Co-Rec Softball. Literally. May God have mercy on the shins and knees of the catcher while the fantasy is batting.

Herd Business:
As you may already know, Herd Management will be on a recruiting trip to City Field on April 8, marking the first missed game in 11 years. Managerial duties will be awarded to the Gazelle on this evening. We will have our final preseason practice next week on Field #4 at 6:00. "If you cant be there on time, be there early"-H. Miller.

***Evening Awards (since it is preseason, limited awards will be given)***

The "Kei$ha" award for having the best pedicure on her toes, toes goes Erin Haneline for her numerous Softballs to the Feet outfield endeavors.

The "Noah's Ark" award for pitching 40 days and 40 nights with of pitches goes to Goose. (credit Haneline for this award)

Random Herd Facts (random facts are limited in the preseason):
Weeping Willows are a result of The Herd yelling at trees for not being awesome enough.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010


Look outside your window dear friends of Purp...ITS SOFTBALL SEASON!! I have just returned from the league office where I had a teleconference with our good friend Todd Barr. We are OFFICIALLY all set for Thursday Night Domination starting this April. Mr. Barr has made me aware of 3 rule changes for this season:

1: We can ONLY use yellow balls.
2: The Pitch height has been changed to 6'-10'
3: We can use rubber tips on our bats this year. (TWSS)

I have moved our practice back one week due to the chill in the air for this Thursday. Our first practice will be Thursday, March 11 at 6:00 at Washington Park.

For those of you that have sent in your league fees, I thank you. For those of you that haven't. Do it. Do it. You can send your $25.00 to the following address:

Herd Management
Attn: Mike Swaim
1024 Cowbell Drive
Jonesville, NC 28642

I strongly encourage handwritten notes of encouragement such as ICS Heather Miller provided over the weekend. These letters not only boost management morale and ego, they also provide proof to Herd Management Spouse that Herd Management is actually part of a softball team and not involved in some sort of Mafia Led Conspiracy to take over the world.

Also, I have a bit of a surprise for the Mighty Purps. Over the weekend, Herd Management sat down with Superstar Recording Artist Jay Sean to pen this year's Official Herd Song! Last year's song, "The Climb" was truly the sole motivation for the Herd in its quest for 2 consecutive World Championships. This years song is even more adrenaline pumping emotion and at this time, I would like to provide you some of the key lyrics to This Years Herd Song, "DO YOU REMEMBER, BRING IT BACK!!

I've been thinking about Herd
And how we used to be then
Back when we didn't have to live we could start again

If it's alright with you then it's alright with me
Baby let's take this time let's make new memories

Do you remember do you remember do you remember
All of the times we had
Do you remember do you remember do you remember
All of the times we had
Let's bring it back (Bring it back!)<----YES!!!
Let's bring it back (Bring it back!)<----YES!!!
Let's bring it back (Bring it back!)<----YES!!!
Let's bring it back (Bring it back!)<----YES!!!
Let's bring it back

I encourage each of you to download this song ASAP, listen, learn and dwell in what our ultimate goal is this year my BRING IT BACK!! Holla!

Lastly, Former Herd Superstar Amanda Redding has asked if any Herd Men might be interested in playing in a charity softball game to raise money for the infant son of one of her friends that has some serious health issues. Herd Management 100% endorses this event and would like to encourage each of you to participate if possible. Knees Redding will be following up with us with more details soon!