Aon 11 Boogerpickers 15
Herd 11 Sum n not so special 7
YMCA 19 Boogerpickers 9
6:30 Sum N Not So Special v/s Outsource BLUM
7:30 YMCA v/s Herd BLUM
8:30 Winner of Sumn/Aon v/s Groomingdales
Absent Next Week:?
Herd On a Mission:
Herd has secured a spot in the championship day on October 7th.
Herd needs only to beat YMCA to clinch at least a 2nd place trophy.
On one of the most magically and mysterious full moon evenings of the decade, the once Mighty, then Blundering then Mighty again Purple Herd stunned the world by ousting the oversized juiceheads from Sum n Special by a final score of 11-7 in what promises to be a game the historians will look back upon millions of years from now to describe how softball should be played.
It was the Herd Women who injected a life-size bottle of heart into the struggling Herd. Herd Favorite Shannon Craft Award came up HUGE on several occasions, driving in several of the most clutch runs of her prestigious career.
Jeni from Mullen fell victim to the unfortunate Herd Management substitution pattern only getting one at bat on the night, however her contributions were felt deeply within the moral fibers of Herd Administration, as she was able to keep a very neat and tidy scorebook, one that could actually be read and comprehended by others outside of the Herd Management Mind.
Another victim of the dastardly substitution was the destroyer, J-Mill. Mill has secured her spot as one of the overall best 2nd basewoman in all of the league but that was not where the Mill excelled on this glorious evening. Mill’s pre bat motivational techniques were inspirational, intense and indeed, a bit frightening.
One Herd woman who has lifted her game higher than Lindsey Lohan at a get out of jail early party is Herd Superstar Heather Miller. Miller delivered at the plate all night long going a blustery 3-3 at the plate with at least 3 runs scored. Not only did Miller scorch Hanes Hosiery with her heroic play all night long, she brought in a replacement for the absent We$ “bgf” Miller that will change the direction of the Purple Herd for the rest of eternity. Welcome to the squad Jackson.
Adding an element of intimidation and pure unadulterated smack talk to the Mighty Purple Herd this season and especially last night is Herd Rookie, the hero, Lauren Hunt. While it seemed that the ump was making horrible call after horrible call, it was the Hero that made sure he knew about it, launching a Herd laced tirade in the direction of the man in blue to make sure that if he made another call as horrible as the last, he should indeed fear for his life.
It was the play of two very special Herd women last night however, that catapulted the Big Purps into the semi finals with their tear jerkingly amazing play. Our Legend, Ashley “No Hits since Japan” Perdue broke out of a Okinawa size self proclaimed slump with 2 of the most crucial hits of the Herd season last night, giving the Herd the lead in two different innings. Not only was Perdue Hotter than Brittney Spears guest appearance on Glee next week at the plate, her glove work at 1st defiantly secured the win for the Prestigious Purps.
Also breaking out in a big way last night was our glorious Fantasy, Erin Haneline. Haneline has had a goal of physically removing the oppositions catcher from the game since her inception into the Tar Heel league many years ago, and last night she realized that dream, beaming the vaunted Sum N catcher right in the upper mommy parts, making her realize that catching while the fantasy is batting is reserved for only the most durable and unbreakable of athletes.
While the Herd Women carried the load all night long for the Big Purps, the Herd Gentlemen also held their own.
Not only did The Gazelle hold down 3rd base despite playing in a dust cloud that would make the Arizona Deserts jealous, Trip Zero’s pre pre game festivity of Bohangeles’ was a bold decision that paid off in a number of ways all night long. Another huge Biggie contribution was his willingness to hit it to the left fielder all night, wearing her down for the late game situations and rendering her basically useless for the remainder of the contest.
Pregame festivity superstar slash 2009 Herd MVP Chris Nixon was yet again a beast with a bat last night. Nix’s 5 rbi’s led the way and his vacuum like defense at short ensured that the sum’ns would not escape the Mighty Herd with another win. The strength and determination was undoubtedly fused into the body C-Nix during PGF when he made the revelation that Finnegans puts cucumbers in its water. It is moments like this that show you that Herd PGF is not only a moment of beauty and grace, it is also a moment of weirdly combined food groups that help you play better.
Another Pre game Superstar, Bryan “Doubles, but last night the singles were just as amazing” Timmons, still riding high from the emotional Double Rainbow moment from last week was literally on fire all night at the plate. Timmons was 4-4 with too many rbi’s to count and was literally all over the place in right center field. For the record, Doubles is batting .925 from the leadoff spot this season, indeed a Herd Record and a THL Record as well. All records are kept securely in the mind of Herd Administration, where they can be easily recollected and accessed at any time.
By far the brightest star in the sky and on the field last night was our beloved C-Dub. Dub had a MONSTER game, exhibiting the most devastating cannon arm in Herd History last night, doubling up the freak sum n left fielder to secure the 1 run lead in the 4th inning. That one play will and should be forever seared into the minds and memory of us all, leaving no doubt that our Dub is overall the most complete package of a softball player even in existence.
SCOTT YOU DID GOOD. YOU HITTED THE BALL GOOD AND ALSO PITCHED GOOD TOO!! THANK YOU FOR THE 3 RUN HOME RUN YOU HIT AND THE OTHER TIMES YOU HIT TOO. YOU ARE A VERY SPECIAL BOY. ALSO THANK YOU FOR THE VERY SPECIAL SALUTE YOU GAVE HERD ADMINSTRATION AT PRE GAME FESTIVITES.
Seriously though, Herd Administration had a nightmare about what things for the Herd would be like without the contributions of what is considered to be the overall best player in the league. The nightmare consisted of being forced out of the league and to play with compensated, then after Herd Administration’s wife left him for Todd Barr, HM would then be forced to care for the Barr/Swaim lovechild and bring him up into a world with no Herd, No Fantasy and most importantly no Goose. Please Goose, never leave me.
The “Bring it” Herd Spirit award goes to J-Mill and Hero for their unadulterated primal screams before, during and after each inning of this Epic Herd Contest
The “Shannon Craft Award” for being Shannon Craft goes to Jackson Miller for being Wes Miller!!
The “Hide yo kids Hide Yo Wife” award for being so intimidating running the bases that the punk sum n special infield complained about putting his hands on his head to avoid getting hit IN THA FACE AWARD goes to Doubles Timmons for doing just that
Random Herd Factoids:
Many children enjoy games like jump rope, tiddlywinks and marbles. As a child, The Herd enjoyed killing people with jump rope, tiddlywinks and marbles.
The Herd likes its meat so rare that they only eat unicorns.
If the Herd were to punch you in the face, you would have to fight off the urge to thank them.
The Herd once sent $2,000 to a Nigerian scammer and actually received their $2.7 million inheritance.
The Herd once started a fire using dental floss and water.
Thank you for your continued support of Herd Athletics,
Michael Swaim Herd Adminstration