Thursday, August 12, 2010

I like the way it Herds, I like the way it Herds..


Game Notes:
The Mighty Purple Herd opened the 2010 Fall Season in a huge, monumental way with an epic win over The Manchester United Aon Outsource This’s by a final score of 14-1. Things got off to a rocky start earlier in the week when Herd Management realized that he would be without 5 (five) of the Herd’s most prestigious and decorated players for this early season tussle with the feisty This’. It was at that point that the realization came to fruition that one of the most amazingly epic recruiting tasks would be at hand. The 1st recruit came at the hands of Heather ICE CREAM SURE WOULD HAVE BEEN FRIKIN NICE YESTERDAY Miller. Miller, known more for her crafty skills at 2nd, is one of the league’s most overlooked recruiters. Ice Cream has brought amazing talent to the Purp in the past, but the recruitment of Laura “lastnameescapsme” Ballplayer was one of her finest works ever. Laura came in fresh off of her last stint as a softball player just 8 years ago and made a difference not only behind the plate and at bat, but made a difference in all of our lives in such a positive way it is simply far too emotionally distracting to mention in this blurb.

Perhaps the most amazing and unexpected recruits in the history of not only co-rec softball but in the history of sports all around the globe is one Mr. Nakoma Smith. This recruitment shows why Herd Management is by far the most amazing recruiter. Ever. For Serious. A simple blurb many many months ago on facebook was made about Nakoma “you belong with us” Smith’s antics in a softball game far far away. Herd Management records these trite facts like a one terabyte hard drive for easy access when needed. With the absence of 3 of our most fierce hitters, it was time to call up Mr. Smith to the show and he delivered in a way that could only be dreamed about.

The acquisition of Nakoma would have not been possible if it weren’t for our very own Chris “Freak” Nix. I almost refuse to pen another word about Freak for it can only diminish his legacy among the greatest athletes of our or any generation. Freak made the all important call to Nakoma to secure that commitment, then went out and simply dominated the left side of the infield all day long. You don’t know how it feels. You don’t know how it feels. You don’t know how it feels, to be Nix.

Our third and perhaps most eye opening recruit of the evening was one Mr. Chris “1/2 amazing, 1/3 pitcher, 1/3 defensive genius, 1/3 show stopper” Pfohl. The Purple Herd Blood runs deep within Pfhols veins, so this recruitment was perhaps the easiest of the 3. CPfohl, initially recruited to play 3rd base, was able to move back to the mound thanks to the absolute generosity and kindness of Sergeant Goose, who was not only willing to play short stop, he was almost giddy. Giddy like a school girl. The move to the mound for CPfohl was another brilliant move in a long line of brilliant moves by Herd Management. It became obvious throughout the day that most of the OST athletes feared Pfohl similar to the way Katy Perry fears talent…they do not want any part of it. This came to light as Pfohl recorded a 1st batter of the season strikeout for the first time in co-rec history.

Pfohl would not have had the opportunity to dominate the OST batters had it not been for the Herds most beloved superstar’s willingness to move over to Shortstop. Not only did our very own Sergeant Goose make the move to the middle of the defense, he did it with elegance and grace often associated with a beautiful Marcy Playground ballad. While the move to SS would have been a career ending decision for most, that was not the case for Goose, as he was able to flash beautiful displays of brilliance with his leather before he moved back to his rightful place atop the mound to record the final 3 outs of the game.

Yet another wonderful display of versatility was shown by our very own dancing Gazelle, Biggie trip z White. Trip Z was able to hold down the hot corner with absolute precision all evening long before he made his 1st career appearance in the outfield. The OST batters were so frightened of the big fella that they absolutely REFUSED to hit a ball anywhere near him all night long. One can only imagine what the outcome would have been had they tested his skills in the outfield. I dream of a day where we can all witness Trip Z get on his horse and track down a ball in the outfield like a heat seeking Gazelle.

In the fall, one of the Herds biggest downfalls was our lack of blistering speed. This need was addressed in the offseason by our acquisitions of Ty Lauren and Jeni “From Mullen” Hodges. Not only do these finely tuned athletes bring much desired and fantasized about speed to the mighty Purps, they also show the world that regardless of your roots, you are born to enhance the Herd experience. It is well documented that the Herd and Mullen grew up together over the past 4 years. Over those 4 years it also became obvious that Jeni “From Mullen” had more than earned a chance to compete with the most prestigious group of athletes in the history of the universe. While the Herd and Mullen were often seen as “sister teams” Compensated and Herd were not. This is what makes the acquisition of Lauren “Ty” Hunt so special. Herd Management looks forward to seeing these two ladies grow in their Purple over the course of the next 11 weeks.

The easy choice for game MVP is the beloved J-Mill. Herd management has become such a fan of J-Mill that he is currently in the process of developing a strategy to put J in a box and take her with him wherever he goes and also to put her on display next to the fantastic heirlooms of Herd years past. J-Mill turned in by far her most dominating offensive performance of her short but dominating Herd Career, going 4-4 with 3 rbi’s and 3 runs scored.

No Herd Report would be complete with the absolute obvious stroking of Herd Favorite, the Fantasy, Erin Haneline. Fantasy was able to take a few innings off from playing a mindwreckingly dominate left field for the first time in almost 5 years to sit back and enjoy her creation for once. It is pure pleasure watching the Fantasy’s spirit and electricity literally rub off on the entire Herd, motivating them and pushing them to levels thought impossible to reach. Thank you Fantasy, for being our Zen.

League Info:
Herd management has discovered some very useful information about the teams in the league. The Groomingdales are comprised of several Lab Rats as well as the core from a team that went 11-0 in the spring and had a run differential of + 144 according to their coach. Sum N Special is an unfortunate combination of two of the most dominating teams in the history of the league…Sherry’s Pub and Carlyle’s pub. YMCA is the exact same team that went undefeated in our league in the spring. Needless to say, we do indeed have our work cut out for us this fall.

***Evening Awards***
The "Redding/Haneline" award for most gut wrenching slide goes to Sergeant Goose for taking out the OST catcher early and often.

The “Most uneventful game ever” award goes to this game. Seriously. Throw me a bone here people.

The “Shannon Craft” award goes to Bryan Timmons, Wes Miller, C-Dub, Ashley and Shannon Craft for all being like Shannon Craft….ABSENT!


Random Herd Facts
Sharks have dedicated an entire week of watching a television show dedicated to The Herd.
When the Herd was born, the only person to cry was the doctor. NEVER SLAP THE HERD!
Rudolph has a red nose because he got lippy and The Herd roundhouse kicked him across the face a couple of times.
The Herd frequently donates blood to the red cross…just never its own.

Thank you for your continued support of Herd Athletics,
Michael Swaim Herd Administrationhttp://www.purpleherd.blogspot.com/

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