Groomingdale's 14, Herd (?) 1
NEXT WEEK:
Playoffs!
Herd vs. South Fork, 6:30 WP #3
After we win, Herd vs. The Crew, 8:30 WP #3
Missing: C-Nix, James (anyone else?)
PREGAME FESTIVITIES:
After last night's performance, an abbreviated PGF will return. 5:05ish, location TBD
Game Notes:
A wise man once told me:
"That's what learning is, after all; not whether we lose the game, but how we lose and how we've changed because of it and what we take away from it that we never had before, to apply to other games. Losing, in a curious way, is winning."
Then some other dude said:
"You must never be satisfied with losing. You must get angry, terribly angry, about losing. But the mark of the good loser is that he takes his anger out on himself."
And finally, perhaps the most brain-bendingest quote of all:
"What the heck just happened to us and who cares about some lame-o quotes?"
Wow. In the deepest darkness, there is always a light. After last night's lifeless and very un-Herdlike performance, one would have to dig quite deep to find said light. The evening's contest started out promisingly enough, with two new Herd season records - total number of fans (2) and number of canine fans (1). A huge thanks to Ginger "hey, did you get to catch up with your old friend from the bleachers?" Nixon andLeroyfor coming out to support the Herd.
The Herd would get on the board early after a quick hit from Bryan "sniffles" Timmons, but shockingly that would be the only run the Herd would score all night long. Yes, you read that right - the Mighty Herd would score only once in the evening's battle. Scott "El Generalisimo" Walkush pitched a gem, but the Groomings of Dale were able to spray hits away from Herd fielders all night. A lot of hits and a few untimely errors were more than the Herd could overcome on this dreadful night.
But enough about that, let's get back to that elusive light. Brilliant work and a cannon-like arm in the field from John "cartwheel" Spivey limited the damage. And while we didn't score runs, Shannon Craft Award continued to slap the ball like a certain Governator was likely slapped after the news of the last week, and Ashley "staredown" Perdue continued to cripple the Herd bench with her unadulterated focus at the plate. Thanks for wearing sunglasses, I think they kept my lip from its quivering normally shown during your at bats.
James "the bookie" Haire had likely the hardest job of the evening, as he had to keep tally of the massacre in real time for the official score book. Fantasy Haneline extended her streak of games with a freakishly wild bat sling WITHOUT injuring players on either team. Kudos to you on that giant accomplishment, my friend. Biggie/Trip Zs/Gazelle White kept the Herd alive by taking up the duties normally reserved for Herd Management (you know, sending emails, lugging equipment, bleeding purple). And speaking of keeping the Herd alive, how about J-Mill "whirling dervish" Miller? We all know that you can kill a ball, but what great range and flair for the dramatic at second base! Your Top Plays-worthy spin at second base gave everyone something to cheer about. And while normally newsworthy on the field, Christopher "spit take" Nixon saved the action for post-game and after a nod to The Office, tried to demonstrate how to use a Neti Pot whilst drinking water. Without a Neti Pot. Advice well received, C-Nix.
And let us not forget the most dedicated performance of the night. Heather "ice cream" Miller finally lived up to her namesake and while the Herd was at its most bleak, summoned a real, live ice cream truck to Washington Park (do you have a secret dog whistle or conch shell for that?). The sweet sounds of The Entertainer and thoughts of tasty treats (rocket ship for me, please!) brought the Herd back from the brink and nearly to the parking lot to make a purchase during the 5th inning. Let's face it, we should have gotten the ice cream.
The playoffs start next week and I, for one, believe that we have this league right where we want them. No one will expect ANYTHING from us! Let's go ahead and get back into that championship form we all remember, OK?
Random Herd Facts:
The Herd is the only person to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Some kids pee their name in snow. The Herd pees its name in concrete.
When the Herd donates blood, it declines the syringe and instead requests a bucket and a handgun.
The Herd is what Willis was talking 'bout.
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