Didn't We Almost Win It All??

LAST NIGHT: 

HERD 9/Jose Canseco's team full of people who needed pinch runners and somehow managed to hit every ball between the infield and outfield with absolutely no power despite immaculately immaculate defense 10

Absent Next Week??? Let coach know

Didn't We Almost Win It All by: John "Sparkles" Spivey (The artist formerly known as Laura Branigan)

You don't act the same 
And your eyes have changed 
I don't want to hear the words you say
I don't want to know the pain 

And I see your lips move 
But I can't hear the sound
So I turn my head away
As my HERD drops to the ground

And I've tried to see right through you 
But it's all in vain 
Like a locomotive blinded by the rain
And I swear that you loved me just the other day
I still remember how you used to say

I would die for you
I would live for you
I would fight for the right just to give to you
You can set me free but you'll come back to me
Didn't we almost win
Didn't we almost win it all 

Time seems to heal wounds
Well that's what they say
But it doesn't matter now
'Cause I never felt that way

And I see your lips move 
But I can't hear the sound 
So I turn my head away
As my HERD drops to the ground

And I've tried to see right through you
But it's all in vain 
Like a locomotive blinded by the rain
And I swear that you loved me just the other day 
I still remember how you used to say

I would die for you
I would live for you 
I would fight for the right just to give to you
You can set me free but you'll come back to me
Didn't we almost win
Didn't we almost win it all 

I could swear that you loved me just the other day
I still remember how you used to say

I would die for you
I would live for you
I would fight for the right just to give to you 
You can set me free but you'll come back to me
Didn't we almost win
Didn't we almost win it all 

You can set me free but you'll come back to me 
Didn't we almost win
Didn't we almost win
It all

A wise man once said "It's not whether you win or lose- it's how you play the game."

That man wasn't wise at all. He was a complete idiot.

pur·ple  (pûrpl) n. 1. Any of a group of colors with a hue between that of violet and red. 2. Cloth of a color between violet and red, formerly worn as a symbol of royalty or high office. 3. Imperial power; high rank

herd  (hûrd) n. 1. a. A group of cattle or other domestic animals of a single kind kept together for a specific purpose. b. A number of wild animals of one species that remain together as a group

Game Notes:

It brings me great sadness for my first HERD Report to bare news of defeat. On a night where a HERD record was set for number of team members absent at a whopping 5, the HERD still had every ingredient they needed to lay the smacketh down. With help from the ladies from "Tee Time", and Jenny from Mullen, the HERD was primed for victory after a despicable display of dissatisfying disrespect to the softball gods the week before. The night would start off bumpy, but the Mighty Herd found a way to fight back and make the night worthy of an ESPN Instant Classic.

Unfortunately, I don't have any game notes from last night and I have the short term memory of an infant/80 year old man. Coach is much better at that, sorry everyone!

 The following is a list of things that I DO recall from last nights game, in no particular order:

• It was pretty muggy out there. I was very surprised the other team's pitcher's hair was able to keep its stunning shape and blinding sheen throughout the night.
• Christopher "Let me give everyone a heart attack by telling them I don't think I'm going to make it to the game then show up in a blaze of glory to the sounds of exhaling and cheering" Nixon told us he didn’t think he was going to make it to the game, giving us all heart attacks, then showed up just before gametime in a blaze of glory to the sound of exhaling and cheering. He also almost hit his loving wife with a foul ball that would have surely left him in the doghouse with Leroy for a few hours.
• David "I also bleed purple" Allred was in attendance, making him the W-S Co-Rec softball equivalent of a FourSquare "Mayor" for HERD games. David, I speak for all of us when I say "your attendance brings tears of joy to our eyes." You can "check-in" on me anytime sir. Thank you for your unwavering support. 
• The HERD supported every single batter, held their heads high, and cheered on their teammates like never before. 
• The pimento cheese sandwich at PGF was the best idea Bryan "Doubles" Timmons ever offered me. Without that sandwich, I would have perished.
• Coach's encouraging words from first base helped me end my 0 for 2 streak. Thanks coach, you have some pretty legs too!
• Gena hit a foul ball harder than anyone I've ever seen. Good thing it wasn’t a fair ball because the left fielder would have been empaled upon trying to field it and there wasn’t a doctor in the house.
• For about 8 minutes we had the largest crowd in HERD history. I'm not sure where those people came from, but I can only assume they were guided by the lightening to the HERD much like the wise-men to little 8 pound 5 ounce baby Jesus in his golden fleece diaper. It was a miraculous site to behold, indeed.
• The game was a close one, coming down to the final out. The HERD almost got it done, but fell just short in the bottom of the 7th inning. The taste is bitter, but will drive us to victory next week.
• The other team's first base-lady's nickname was also Sparkles… Thanks guys
• Shannon Craft Award is pummeling the softball. I would liken watching her play softball to seeing a newborn baby with it's parents, watching a space shuttle take off, 4th of July fireworks, the waiter walking towards me with my pimento cheese sandwich and fries, opening a Christmas present and seeing that small ripped section where you can tell it is what you asked for, watching the cork go underwater when you're fishing, winning the lottery, listening to anything by Celine Dion, The Lion King when the monkey raises Simba up on the cliff for everyone to see their new King, Top Gun when Tom Cruise throws Goose's (no relation) dogtags into the ocean, ESPN Top Ten replay, helping out a homeless person, that feeling between beer 7 and 8, solving a difficult puzzle, completing any home improvement task, "One Shining Moment" after the National Championship Game, Corey Lynch's blocked field goal to beat Michigan, paying off a credit card, sitting down to watch episode one of the Tuesday night back to back to back to back to back lineup of "The Office" on TBS  and the feeling you get when something bad happens to a really bad person, even if its really bad and you act like you didn’t wish that bad thing upon them even though, deep down, you know that you got pleasure from seeing the bad thing happen to them because they are such a bad person. (maybe that’s just me?) Also alternatively(not sure thats the right word but you know what I mean), seeing a good thing happen to a good person who does good things and deserves good things. Which brings me to my final point:

The HERD will win next week. We are meant for glory. We are ready for domination. We all love puppies and babies and deserve to be champions. These other teams suck. We are the greatest ever. 

We played our hearts out last night fellow HERDspeople. A loss sucks, but battling the way we did and our drive to succeed will, in time, propel us to our rightful spot as the kings of softball lore where we will demand respect and deal accordingly (offer death) to those who fail to offer it. Mark my words HERD family, our time is coming and we must let ourselves be great.

Rookie Report:

On on night with many new faces, the support and effort was through the roof from our rookies. With laser line drives and outstanding field play from each of you, it was a promising site to behold. Keep bringin' it!

Evening Awards:

The “Ashley Perdue” award for causing Herd Management significant chestial pain due to arriving last goes to: C-Nix! Car trouble is a thorn to the rear-end- I feel your pain good sir.

The "Brett Favre Comeback Teaser Award" goes to Bryan "Doubles" Timmons. I don't know about everyone else, but having you in left center just felt right. You had to go and produce offspring didn't you!?!? Please come back as often as possible and bring the tremendous defense, batting skills and HERD passion you possess with you every time.

The “Herd Pride” award for bringing the most Herd support goes to Jenny from Mullen. Your upbeat attitude and congratulatory efforts had the HERD in awe last night. You, my friend, deserve the congratulations on being such an awesome teammate. 

The “Shannon Craft” award for being Shannon Craft goes to Shannon Craft. Ms. Craft, the hitting clinic you have put on this season brings me to happy tears (refer to above list for similar events when this happy feeling also occurs). You consistently leave us wanting more………….…that’s what she said.

HERD Facts:

When the HERD wants popcorn, we exhale on Nebraska.

The HERD uses Tabasco sauce as eye drops

There's strong……then there's Army strong……….Then there's HERD strong.

The HERD gives Freddy Kreuger nightmares

The following is a short list of the things the HERD cannot do:

Get it?

I love you HERD. Game next week at 6:30 vs. our fierce rivals Motlee Crew on Field 3. Come prepared to crush our opponent.

The Night I fought Rocky

LAST NIGHT:
Herd 3 Tarheels 15
Novant 6 Galafainaks 6
Flex 12 OSC 2
Mixed up 12 Haws 11

Next Week:
7:30 Purple v/s Mixed up 7:30 WP#2

Absent Next Week:?
Biggie

Tale of the Tape:
The Tarheels had more women baserunners in the 4th inning than the Herd had TOTAL in 6 innings.

Game Notes:
Poop. Vomit. Uncontrollable flows of blood from the cranial region due to being turned into a zombie after eating a deli sandwich from Panera. Snookie. Prior to last night, these were the most disgusting things in the world. We can now add the Herd’s game v/s the Tarheels to that list. The Purs were unable to get things going, despite an epic and historic pre pre game festivity that saw the majority of the Mighty Purple Herd converge on Bib’s in downtown Winston salem in what many patrons considered a hostile takeover after the primal “HERD UP!!” scream from Herd Pitcher Goose.

Even though the bats have been deafly quite for the majority of the season, Herd Superstar Biggie Gazelle continued his torid pace, going a blustery 2-2 on the evening, proving to be one shining star in a dark dark universe. Another amazing effort behind the plate was turned in by Ice on this evening, recording a Herd record two putouts and an assist that brought the capacity Herd crowd of 2 to their respective feet.

Staying with the defensive theme, Misty (you needs you a nickname) Inch continues to show the world why she was the most sought after 2nd basewomen this offseason. Her range at 2nd base reminds Herd management of a young strapping Ryan Sandberg. Despite being stricken by the Haneline/Miller injury curse in the 3rd inning, J-Mill held down 1st base with aplumb and respect, and even offered sound relationship advice which we may or may not get to later in this report.

A lot can be said for on the field contributions, where Herd Rookie J-Dub continues to grow and excel, but even more can be said for her consistent and almost violent Purple Herd Passion off the field. One of the most anticipated features of the week for Herd Management includes stalk…er.. reading J-Dub’s facebook posts about her love, desire and unadulterated affection toward her new brothers and sisters in purp.

Herd managements favorite athlete at any level of all time falls squarely on the shoulders of superstar C Freak Nix. Nix was pounded like the kid who fought rocky at short stop all night long by scorching missles hit off the defiantly illegal bats of the tarheel athletes, yet time and time again made the spectacular play that not even the most conditioned major league baseball player could ever make in his wildest dreams.

Herd management is a firm believer of voodoo conspiracy theories when it comes to Co-Rec softball and that belief was affirmed on Thursday evening when it became evident that the Tarheels had planned to take the transportation device of the Herds most fierce Hitter, Sparkles out of the equation. Sparkles refused to let the mystical pastel blue powers detour him from arriving to the field full of determination and exuberance and yet again performing at an exceeding high level.


Fantasy Report:
I have so many things to say to you.
POG Report:

No Herd player deserves POG more than the mighty Herd’s on Shannon Craft Award. Award is 2-2 on being the last person to the field, making this the most consistent stat of any Herd athlete on the season. Craft has also become the most unlucky player on the team at the plate. Despite being one player that is hitting the ball with any level ferocity thus far, unfortunately the oppositions defense has managed to bumble their way into robbing Award of more than one extra base hit.


EVENING AWARDS:
On an evening such as this, awards will be shelved until next week.

Random Herd Factoids:
Police often question the Herd…just because they find them interesting.
The Herd taught a Horse to read their emails for them.
The Herd is the only person(s) to ace a Rorschach Test.
Alien abductors have asked the Herd to probe THEM.
Thank you for your continued support of Herd Athletics,

Dont call it a comeback, we've been here for years

LAST NIGHT:

Herd 7 Flex 6

Next Week:
6:30 Novant v/s Zach Galafanakis fanboys WP4
7:30 Herd v/s Tarheels (WHAT?!?!) WP4
6:30 Flex v/s OSC WP1

7:30 Mixed up vs Haws WP1

Absent Next Week:?

Tee Time

On the Edge of Glory:
1^st time in club history overcoming a 4 run 7^th inning deficit
1^st HTP in the prestigious pre game history of the mighty Purple Herd

383^rd Haneline/Miller injury

Game Notes:

Katy Perry. Taylor Swift. Chipper Jones. The Jonas Brothers. The blond girl on iCarley. Unlike these soulless, no talent cretins, the Mighty Purple Herd displayed a level of heart and determination that was once thought to be crushed and destroyed well into the 7^th inning of the opening game of the 2011 Fall Co-Rec season. While the bats seemed to be on a hiatus for the most part of the game, it was the enthralling defense of the sensational Herd that kept the destiny darlings in the game. Led by the splendid glove of nauseously jacked up Sparkles and the unbridled range of C-Nix, the fine folk from flex floundered from the offensive side of the plate as well. Super Slugger J the Crush Mill was nothing short of tremendous in her first start, replacing Herd Legend Ashley Perdue at 1^st base. Biggie The Gazelle sporting a confusing LSU jersey was amazing not only at 3^rd base, but also provided one of the only bright spots at the plate on the evening, going a blustery 2-3.

Long time Herd Patron and leader of the Herd endorsed Tee Time club, C-Pfohl provided Herd management exactly what he wanted in a ball player…eternally great skill. Pfohl had the entire Flex defense more confused than a goat on AstroTurf with his ability to hit the ball anywhere on the field.

A special gold star goes to the official Herd inspiration, Heather “Ice Cream?” Miller. Ice Cream stood in the box as a psychotic Flex runner tried to shred her entire body with his cleats like Freddy Krueger. Ice suffered substantial contusions to the upper thigh, calf, ankle, spleen, and hip, yet did not come out of the game and continued to produce at a high level.

Fantasy Report:

Since Fantasy contributes about 93% of the material for each and every Herd report, Herd Administration has decided to dedicate an entire section in her honor, for this week anyway. While Fantasy’s contributions on the field are immense and incomparable, it was her off the field antics that stole the show on this evening. Despite the fact that the pre game DJ antics obviously did not inspire the Herd bats, it did inspire the entire Flex squad to literally applaud each Herd athlete as they were introduced. Kudos Fantasy.

POG Report:

Herd Pitcher, Scott “Goose” Walkush has time and time again established himself as an all time Herd great, both on and off the field. Tonight was no exception. While Goose was 0-3 prior to his last at bat replacing the record setting Bryan “Doubles” Timmons in the leadoff spot, Herd Management said a little prayer asking for him to just get one more at bat. Prayer answered. Everyone in the stadium knew that if Goose was able to get the bat in his hands just once more, he would deliver, and deliver he did. New 9’s delivered a crushing blow to RC that allowed the game winning run to score in the bottom of the 7^th. Super kudos to you sir! Enjoy your legen….dary status my friend.

Rookie Report:

An exciting new feature of the Herd report will be our weekly dedication to our two sensational rookies, J Dub and M-Inch. These two tireless Herd Athletes have both infused an immeasurable spark into the moral fiber of the Herd, not experienced since the historic season of 2009. The on the field contributions were also awe inspiring on this muggy evening. M-Inch played flawlessly at one of the toughest positions on the field, 2^nd base, while J-Dub drew the 2 out walk that led to Goose’s game winning hit. Rookies, I encourage you to continue to awe me on a weekly basis.

EVENING AWARDS:
The “Ashley Perdue” award for causing Herd Management significant chestial pain due to arriving last goes to SCA! AP would be pound my friend

The “DJ Jazzy Jeff” award for mixing up phat beats during pregame goes to Fantasy. I wasn’t sure whether to dance the night away or swing at mediocre thrown softballs.

The “Herd Pride” award for bringing the most Herd support goes to rookie Minch! Way to care.

The “Shannon Craft” award for being Shanon Craft goes to Ashley Perdue for Shannon Craft being Ashley Perdue.

Random Herd Factoids:

When in Rome, they do as the Herd does.

The pheromones the Herd secretes are felt hundreds of miles away…in a slight but measurable way.

The Herd is the life of parties they have never attended.

The Mighty Purps have won the lifetime achievement award…twice.

Thank you for your continued support of Herd Athletics,

Michael Swaim Herd Administration
http://www.purpleherd.blogspot.com