Every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the Herd years have gone by

Game Notes:

On one of the most deeply depressing evenings in the prestigious history of the Glorious Purple Herd, the uber friendly WS Energy athletes were able to put a BP’esq cap on what most sports pundits consider the most horrific seasons in Herd History. This season wasn’t without its high points however. The Prolific Purps set a new standard for Pre Game festivities this season and introduced Post Game Festivities to the world.

Despite the outcome, superstar Bryan “in tha face” Timmons remains one of the Herd most prolific leadoff hitters in the history of the sport. Herd management can only dream of having the amount of skill, talent, and ability that superstar Timmons is in possession of.

In the 2 hole, The Fantasy, Erin Haneline has spent many years as a lynchpin to the Herds success. This season was no different. While many conspiracy theorists agree that there is a nationwide conspiracy to withhold valuable toilet paper from restrooms that Fantasy patrons from time to time, she is literally able to shake it off and perform at an amazingly absurd high level.

Batting 3^rd is usually our leader, Goose Walkush. I can not write about Goose without literally breaking down into an uncontrollable hysterical sobbing fit. Goose is single handedly took the Herd to a new level last year with his cool demeanor and militant leadership style that has the Herd both excited and frightened on and off the field.

You don’t talk about The Herd without mentioning the unbelievable contributions of my favorite and yours, Ashely, A-Dub Perdue. When A-Dub rejoined the Herd back in 2006, our record was 0-4 and we had been outscored by 48 runs. After A-Dub rejoined the Herd, we still only won one game, but she instantly made us competitive again. That is what A-Dub does. Makes everyone around her better. For that, Herd management salutes you, dear dear friend.

The Herds 5^th batter is simply a freak. We$ by gosh firkin Miller is the prototypical softball super stud. The ladies love him and the girls adore him and Herd management practically worships the ground he walks on. With his monster blast last night, Miller became the single season Herd home run leader and is only 4 home runs away from all time great Herd super slugger Mike Swaim.

Staying in the Family we will now address Herd Rookie Jennifer JMILL Millers amazing season with the Pyro Purps. When J-Mill first joined the Mighty Herd, she was just a shy girl, standing with the wallflowers wishing she had stayed at home. By her first official at bat however, she burst out like a beautiful, rabid, violent butterfly emerging from its cocoon. Miller turned in one of the most prolific rookie seasons in the history of the Purples, playing 19 different positions and swinging an amazingly efficient bat.

Yet another freak athlete that has graced his appearance in the lineup this season is Herd RBI leader Chris “rock yo face off” Nixon. There simply isn’t a more clutch player not only in this league, but in all of sports than our very own C-Nix. C brings it every single game and is simply not afraid to step up and take over a game at any given moment with either his brick wall like defense or his artistically beautiful, picture perfect swing of the bat.

The third and arguably most important (or at worst in the top 3) member of the Haneline/Miller cult is the sensational Heather “I know more MLB all stars than you know people” Miller. When most women are allowed by Herd management to reproduce, they rarely if ever actually return to their Purple roots. Not only did Ice Cream return, but she returned with a higher skill set than what she left with. Herd management considers it an honor AND a privilege to share the same field as this beloved all star.

While there were few bright spots in last nights game, one star that shone like the sun was our dancing queen, Biggie Chad The Gazelle Fred Astaire Triple Zero White. Biggie put his name in the official Herd book of amazing plays last night with one of the most graceful, elegant snag accompanied by a picture perfect pirouette at third base to throw out the speedy Energy runner.

Another miraculous bright spot from yester evening was 2009 Herd Female MVP Jessica Hendrix. Jessica is the type of athlete that brings a calm, warm feeling to the team, similar to the feeling you get when you relieve yourself in a swimming pool. The biggest difference between those two scenarios is that a blue cloud doesn’t follow MVP around, just awesomeness. Herd management doesn’t want to live in a world that doesn’t include MVP as a permanent fixture in the Herd lineup. For Serious.

The one player that might very well receive the Woman MVP award vote from HM this year might very well be Shannon Craft Award. When Herd Management first met SCA, she was just a small town girl, living in a lonely world. Now, she is one of the most fierce hitters on the team, leading all women in batting average and on base percentage.

Herd News!

Todd called earlier to explain the playoff situation. I have no idea what he was talking about for I was drawing a “Thug Life” tattoo on my chest with a dark purple crayon. HERD UP!!

***Evening Awards***

The "Shannon Craft" award for being Shannon Craft goes to Ginger Nixon and Jana Swaim for being there!

The "Redding/Haneline" award for most gut wrenching slide goes to Jessica Hendrix for her inspirational and motivating slide into 3^rd base!!!!

Random Herd Facts:

The Herd gave Red Bull wings

The Herd taught me how to make love to my wife and how to scold my children.

The Herd’s cereal never gets soggy. It just sits there, staying crispy. Just for them.

The Herd once taught a dog to bark. In Spanish.

The Herd once buried a time capsule full of things that haven’t happened yet.

Thank you for your continued support of Herd Athletics,

Michael Swaim|Herd Administration

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