Game Notes:
Iconic songwriter and true American legend Miley Cyrus penned the following lyric yesteryear: “There’s always gonna be another mountain, I’m always gonna wanna make it move. Always gonna be an uphill battle, sometimes I’m gonna have to lose.” These historic words of wisdom ring especially true for Americas Co-Rec softball team, the Mighty Purple Herd. It took an embarrassing effort last week in a humiliating loss to the scum of the league, the Rats, to refocus the Herd on its ultimate goal, and that is to sell Herd Managements car. While the car is still for sale, the Herd did restore order and return to its customary winning ways in a hard fought, emotionally and physically draining victory over the up and coming Wings from East Coast.
The game in itself did not begin on the field on this gloriously humid evening. Instead, it began in the most historic of all Pregame Festivity destinations at Foothills. It became clear from the beginning that The Fantasy, Erin Haneline would mentally and violently lift the once struggling Herd from its dark and destitute personal island of self pity and bring it back to its rightful place atop the co-rec softball nation. Fantasy toasted to the Herd and then took her game to the field where she womanhandled the upstart Wings with her mighty stick and cannon of an arm in Left Field.
The sensational magic from pregame festivities at foothills initiated by the fantasy carried over to the field. With the very first swing of the game, Bryan “Umpa Loompa Doopedy Doo, the best Chocolate Factory was version number 2” Timmons, ripped a stunning double to left center field. While Mr. Timmons is of course noted for his affinity for the 2 bagger, his taste in cult classics could use an upgrade.
Despite being conspicuously absent from Pregame Festivities, Goose Walkush turned in quite possibly the most astonishingly dominate pitching performance of his illustrious career. At one point in the 3rd inning, Walkush retired 19 consecutive Wings batters with his high arching curveball and his defensive squad firmly behind him. It is also of Herd Managements opinion that if the softball league every disbands, Goose would make a spectacular drill sergeant given his affinity for relentlessly pushing the Mighty Purps to new levels both on the basepaths and in the field.
Shannon Craft award was also at the very top of her game, giving the Herd a much needed lift from behind the plate with a League Of Their Own type performance from the catchers position. Award has also 100% guaranteed that she will be able to land the Herd first corporate sponsor since Hero House in 2003, a guarantee that she personally backs up with her heart and soul.
Heather “Why in the world do I call you ice cream?” Miller was as solid as the most recent episode of Glee at 2nd base last night. Miller inflicted so much fright and fear into the batters of Wings that the completely avoided hitting the ball to her all night long, for they know that an ball hit in her direction would be gobbled up like a delicious toasted grilled cheese/bacon sandwich from Foothills.
Sometimes, on dark and lonely nights, Herd management will look up into the night sky and pretend that the airplanes are shooting stars and make one wish right now, wish right now. That one wish is that Herd super star, Herd Legend, Herd Founder and Herd all time leading great Ashley Perdue would not only play a fantastic game, but would also rap in-between innings. That wish was granted last night as Ashley “Snoop Doggy” Perdue turned in one of the most epic offensive games slash rap efforts in Herd History. Herd Management was unable to contain his emotions as Snoop Doggy Perdue broke forth the rhythm and the rhyme that literally willed the Mighty Purp to victory.
One of the most eye pleasing events of the evening came during each and every one of Jennifer not Jessica “The Destroyer” Miller’s at bats. Miller put one of the most violent beatings on a 12” softball ever recorded in human history. Miller, sporting her nifty new #15 Herd Jersey, turned in one of her best performances in her young Herd career, going a nasty 4-4 at the plate and performing with honor in courage in right field, saving Herd Management from more utter embarrassment on numerous occasions.
There are simply no words at this point that could accurately describe what MVP Chris “Lex Lugar” Nix brings to the field. Nix is what the sports world likes to call “the total package” not only due to his Major League level of defensive ability at shortstop and his almost frightingly high level of offensive prowess, but his desire to personally sacrifice his time, effort and money to attend pregame festivities this season.
Herd Management is still in shock and awe that Chad “THE GAZELLE”TRIP ZERO”BIGGIE White was physically able to take the field last night after one of the most physically grueling pregame festivity performance ever seen in the history of pregame festivity. Not only was the big fella able to shake off that situation, he did it in style with several beautiful line drives to left center and a spectacular play at third base that brought back memories of last years Herd defensive performances. Also, Herd Management is going to recommend that Trip Zero bring a change of draw’s to each and every upcoming Herd event.
Iconic songwriter and true American legend Miley Cyrus penned the following lyric yesteryear: “There’s always gonna be another mountain, I’m always gonna wanna make it move. Always gonna be an uphill battle, sometimes I’m gonna have to lose.” These historic words of wisdom ring especially true for Americas Co-Rec softball team, the Mighty Purple Herd. It took an embarrassing effort last week in a humiliating loss to the scum of the league, the Rats, to refocus the Herd on its ultimate goal, and that is to sell Herd Managements car. While the car is still for sale, the Herd did restore order and return to its customary winning ways in a hard fought, emotionally and physically draining victory over the up and coming Wings from East Coast.
The game in itself did not begin on the field on this gloriously humid evening. Instead, it began in the most historic of all Pregame Festivity destinations at Foothills. It became clear from the beginning that The Fantasy, Erin Haneline would mentally and violently lift the once struggling Herd from its dark and destitute personal island of self pity and bring it back to its rightful place atop the co-rec softball nation. Fantasy toasted to the Herd and then took her game to the field where she womanhandled the upstart Wings with her mighty stick and cannon of an arm in Left Field.
The sensational magic from pregame festivities at foothills initiated by the fantasy carried over to the field. With the very first swing of the game, Bryan “Umpa Loompa Doopedy Doo, the best Chocolate Factory was version number 2” Timmons, ripped a stunning double to left center field. While Mr. Timmons is of course noted for his affinity for the 2 bagger, his taste in cult classics could use an upgrade.
Despite being conspicuously absent from Pregame Festivities, Goose Walkush turned in quite possibly the most astonishingly dominate pitching performance of his illustrious career. At one point in the 3rd inning, Walkush retired 19 consecutive Wings batters with his high arching curveball and his defensive squad firmly behind him. It is also of Herd Managements opinion that if the softball league every disbands, Goose would make a spectacular drill sergeant given his affinity for relentlessly pushing the Mighty Purps to new levels both on the basepaths and in the field.
Shannon Craft award was also at the very top of her game, giving the Herd a much needed lift from behind the plate with a League Of Their Own type performance from the catchers position. Award has also 100% guaranteed that she will be able to land the Herd first corporate sponsor since Hero House in 2003, a guarantee that she personally backs up with her heart and soul.
Heather “Why in the world do I call you ice cream?” Miller was as solid as the most recent episode of Glee at 2nd base last night. Miller inflicted so much fright and fear into the batters of Wings that the completely avoided hitting the ball to her all night long, for they know that an ball hit in her direction would be gobbled up like a delicious toasted grilled cheese/bacon sandwich from Foothills.
Sometimes, on dark and lonely nights, Herd management will look up into the night sky and pretend that the airplanes are shooting stars and make one wish right now, wish right now. That one wish is that Herd super star, Herd Legend, Herd Founder and Herd all time leading great Ashley Perdue would not only play a fantastic game, but would also rap in-between innings. That wish was granted last night as Ashley “Snoop Doggy” Perdue turned in one of the most epic offensive games slash rap efforts in Herd History. Herd Management was unable to contain his emotions as Snoop Doggy Perdue broke forth the rhythm and the rhyme that literally willed the Mighty Purp to victory.
One of the most eye pleasing events of the evening came during each and every one of Jennifer not Jessica “The Destroyer” Miller’s at bats. Miller put one of the most violent beatings on a 12” softball ever recorded in human history. Miller, sporting her nifty new #15 Herd Jersey, turned in one of her best performances in her young Herd career, going a nasty 4-4 at the plate and performing with honor in courage in right field, saving Herd Management from more utter embarrassment on numerous occasions.
There are simply no words at this point that could accurately describe what MVP Chris “Lex Lugar” Nix brings to the field. Nix is what the sports world likes to call “the total package” not only due to his Major League level of defensive ability at shortstop and his almost frightingly high level of offensive prowess, but his desire to personally sacrifice his time, effort and money to attend pregame festivities this season.
Herd Management is still in shock and awe that Chad “THE GAZELLE”TRIP ZERO”BIGGIE White was physically able to take the field last night after one of the most physically grueling pregame festivity performance ever seen in the history of pregame festivity. Not only was the big fella able to shake off that situation, he did it in style with several beautiful line drives to left center and a spectacular play at third base that brought back memories of last years Herd defensive performances. Also, Herd Management is going to recommend that Trip Zero bring a change of draw’s to each and every upcoming Herd event.
***Evening Awards***
The "Shannon Craft" award for being Shannon Craft goes to Johnny Depp for being the greatest Willie Wonka ever.
The "Shannon Craft" award for being Shannon Craft goes to Johnny Depp for being the greatest Willie Wonka ever.
The "Redding/Haneline" award for most gut wrenching slide goes to Jenni from Mullen for being the victim of another dirtbag play by the dastardly rats.
The “Humanitarian” award goes to every team in the league not called the Rats
Random Herd Facts
Every time the Herd goes for a swim, dolphins appear.
The Herd lives vicariously through the Herd.
The Herd does not break wind. They destroy it.
The Herd coined the phrase “I see dead people” after the wait staff at Denny’s forgot its birthday.
Every time the Herd goes for a swim, dolphins appear.
The Herd lives vicariously through the Herd.
The Herd does not break wind. They destroy it.
The Herd coined the phrase “I see dead people” after the wait staff at Denny’s forgot its birthday.
Thank you for your continued support of Herd Athletics,
Michael Swaim Herd Administration
http://www.purpleherd.blogspot.com/
much happier bear
Michael Swaim Herd Administration
http://www.purpleherd.blogspot.com/
much happier bear
No comments:
Post a Comment