California Herd

Game Notes:
The BP Oil Spill. Gas Prices. Myspace. Megan fox fired from Transformers. Katy Perry’s mere existance. These are all of the most horribly horrific current events in the world today. You can add The Herd’s heart crushing loss to the undefeated YMC A’s to the top of that list. In a game that saw two of the greatest forces in the current co-rec softball universe collide like a mellow mushroom pizza into a tender large intestine, it was the YMC A’s that once again toppled the Mighty Purple Herd in extra innings by a score of 8-7.

At this point in the season, it would simply make more sense to allow the doubles master, Bryan “In tha face, IN THA FACE!” Timmons to start the game out on second base, because his leadoff doubles are as much of a sure thing as a tear jerking Miley Cyrus summer ballad.

Erin “The Fantasy” Haneline was an unlucky victim of superhuman like defense from the A’s, however that did not keep her from being the physical and emotional leader in the Herd Clubhouse as well at pre game festivities. The only questionable decision on the evening form Haneline came when she insisted on going 3 way on the last slice of pizza which doomed the intestines of Herd Management for the remainder of the evening.

Scott “The GOOOOOOOOSE” Walkush has emerged as the true leader of the club on both offense and defense. There simply is not a player in the entire league who can control a game like the Goose. 9 is playing at such a high level at this point in his Herd career that Herd Management considers himself fortunate to be allowed to play on the same field as this amazing physical specimen.

One of the most absolute defining moments in Herd History came just this season as the Might Purps were able to land free agent Jennifer “Don’t mess” Miller. Miller continues to provide brutally physical motivation to the Herd athletes on a game by game basis especially when it is needed the most. Not only are her motivational tactics a pure thing of beauty, her defense reminds Herd Management of a young Carlos Delgado at 1st base. Regardless of the outcome, J-Mill makes sure that the Herd will remain competitive in the most adverse conditions each and every game, despite playing sans jersey.

Herd Management is not sure there is a player swinging a more sizzling hot bat at this point in the season than Shane “Pepperoni is the new bacon” McLane. Mclane continues to deliver clutch offensive performances in each game, and his defense is improving faster than the 2nd season of Glee. Whle McLanes reckless baserunning continues to give Herd Management mini heart attacks, one can only look on with amazement as Shane O continues to successfully defy the laws of logic, angles and basic mathematical principles when it comes to baserunning.

One player that deserves super special accolades is Herd Super Star Heather “Old Crow Medicine Show” Miller. Miller took a shot in the upper thigh from an A’s left handed hitter that would have left lesser athletes disabled and would have even likely ended their career. Mrs. Miller is an exception to the rule. Not only did she return to the game to deliver a clutch 6th inning blast, she was able to score from 2nd base to tie the game in the bottom of the 7th. Herd Management will award the inaugural “Purple Heart” award to Miller at the end of the season for her heroic play despite numerous debilitating injuries.

Part of the culture of co-rec softball are uber star players like our very own C-Nix Christopher “FreakNix” Nixon. Nixon has emerged as perhaps the most dominating player of our time this season. Nixon turned in an emotionally uplifting 5 rbi night to go along with some of the most mind numbingly plays at short stop that you will ever see. Herd management also gives kudos to the fantastic Herd women who shared duties at 1st base, having to take a rocket launched from the mighty arm of CNix at least 2 -3 times per inning.

Herd Management is not sure what training regimen Shannon Craft award took part in over the off season, however it would be in the teams best interest for her to share that with them. It is simply awe inspiring the way Award continues to hit the ball pretty much wherever she wants to whenever she wants to. Shannon Craft Award has had more hits this season than Katy stupid Perry has had in her lifetime.

Another part of the softball culture is seeing athletes make plays that should be physically and mentally impossible. Our very own TZ, Chad “THE GAZELLE” White fits that mold. Biggies earth trembling scampers around the base paths have become something of a natural phenomenon. Herd management could literally take a lawn chair out to 1st base and watch Biggie run the base paths all day long. In some cultures, Biggies trods to 1st would be considered a natural aphrodisiac, or could potentially cure scabies or perhaps a mild case of exema.

One of the truly great spectacles in all of sports is the ever clutch play week in and week out from Herd superstar Ashley “A-DUB” Perdue. A-Dub’s remarkably clutch performance at the plate last night was a huge factor in the Herd being in a position to win the game in the 7th, along with her golden glove at 1st base. Herd Management is still convinced that the skinny ump missed the double play at first in the 3rd inning.

Herd management would like to welcome back to the Herd, after a 7 year hiatus, Mrs. Courtney “nickname forthcoming” Spence!! Courtney was another unfortunate victim of some of the most ridiculously lucky plays by the A’s defense last night, however it is blatantly obvious that Spence will be a valuable addition to our team in the coming weeks as we wind down toward the end of the season.

***Evening Awards***
The "Shannon Craft" award for being Shannon Craft goes to J-Mill for frightening Herd Management in the bottom of the 7th inning to the point of wetting his pants.

The "Redding/Haneline" award for most gut wrenching slide goes the mellow mushroom thin slice for literally wrenching our guts.

Random Herd Facts:

The Herd was the hunter who shot Bambi's Mother. They then wore her carcass like it was a coat while they made their rounds at the local children's hospital.

The Herd is not lactose intolerant, they just refuse to put up with lactose's crap.

The Herd can mathematically make two wrongs equal a right.

One time in an airport a guy accidently called The Herd "The Third". He explained it was an honest mistake and apologized profusely. The Herd accepted his apology and politely signed an autograph. Nine months later, the guy's wife gave birth to a Purple baby. The guy knew exactly what had happened, and blames nobody but himself.

Thank you for your continued support of Herd Athletics
Michael SwaimHerd Administration
http://www.purpleherd.blogspot.com