Herd 11, Formerly average hair band that was forced to retire 7
NEXT WEEK:
Herd vs. Groomingdale's, 6:30 WP #1, then WHEN we win
Herd vs. Crew, 7:30 WP #1, then WHEN we win
Herd vs. Crew (yes, again), 8:30 WP #1
Missing next week: No one?!?
PREGAME FESTIVITIES:
Yes! Abbreviated PGF will return to Foothills at 5:02
GAME NOTES:
Peaches come from a can, they were put there by a man, in a factory downtoooooooown. You know what also comes in a can? Whoop ass. In a performance that would have made the Presidents of the United States of America proud, the Herd opened the proverbial can and unleashed the fury on the Motlee Crue. The season-long plan to lull the competition into complacency then strike in the playoffs was executed to perfection last night on WP #4. After an epic showing at PGF, discussion of strategery, and team bonding over a record number of samplers, it was off to the field to get down to business.
With the impending retirement of superstar Ashley "you're my soul and my heart's inspiration" Perdue, the awesomeness of the Herd made a collective decision not to lose on this sweltering June eve. Bryan "PGF MVP, FTW" Timmons set the tone early with a gapper into left field and wheels that didn't stop until the dugout, at which point the wheels did not want to start again for the rest of the night. AP did her part to secure a game next week by laying down clutch hit after hit and RBI after RBI, in a breathtaking display that is only equaled by the quality of NBC's Thursday night comedy programming.
It wasn't all roses for the Herd, as the Motlee Crue came to play. But in the face of adversity and elimination, the battery of Scott "the goose is loose" Walkush and Shannon Craft Award would prove to be too much for the Crue's hitters, enticing them into double plays and pop-outs much like the Greensboro black bear was enticed out of the woods by the delicious aromas of pic-a-nic baskets. This combo wouldn't be satisfied with only strong defense, oh no. Both Goose and Award out hit and out hustled your average bear all night.
And how about that offense, huh? Christopher "Freaknik" Nixon, oh my word! Nixon tacked on another home run bringing his season tally to approixmately 42. In retrospect, perhaps their pitcher made the right decision giving C-Nix that free pass last time. Not to be outdone, John "no food for me, thanks" Spivey attacked this game like a man that has been over-served on Tom Haverford's Snake Juice. Spiv has hit the ball hard all season, but none better than last night. After deciding that a line drive triple wasn't enough, Spivey found pay dirt in a towering home run that very likely served as the nail on the Crue's coffin. Erin "hand her a mic" Haneline continued her new duties of making this Herd more like the old Herd again this week with the hitting we all know and love as well as her newfound ability to loosen up the Herd through song. Words can't express how great it is to smile, laugh, and generally freak out the opposition on the field.
And while home runs are great and all, let's not forget the barrage of base hits that made those homers count. J-Mill "don't steal my yell" Miller made the Miller family proud by putting together a blistering batting display and accounting for 16 of the Herd's 11 runs on the evening (it's just math, folks). Chad "call him straight drive, 'cause that was clutch" White came up big in the field and at the plate, providing that blinding gazelle speed that is such a joy to watch. Amanda "A Squared" Able also stepped in admirably to not only make it to the right field, but also keep the Herd afloat and in this contest until the end.
And on such a triumphant evening, let's not forget the 11th man. Herd Management's enthusiasm,nervous nausea, and real time Facebook updates always inspire the Herd to take things to the next level. But on this evening, a quick look down the line would show nearly full bleachers! Unconfirmed reports would even suggest that the Herd's fanbase performed a textbook wave in the 7th inning. Thanks all for the Herdastic support (and please don't forget us next week at 6:30).
This report can't end without recalling the way the game ended. Golden glove nominee Christopher Nixon made what will undoubtedly be the greatest catch in the history of the Thursday league. This over-the-shoulder diving grab ended a late rally by the Crue, brought teammates to tears of joy, and moved the Herd into the next round. You, good sir, sweat excellence.
Awards!
The Shannon Craft Award for being Shannon Craft award goes to...Shannon Craft! You were putting the hex on their hitters, weren't you? It's OK, you can tell us (and you can please whatever you did again next week).
The Redding/Haneline award for most gut-wrenching slide goes to...Erin Haneline! We're all glad you didn't go an entire season without an amazing slide and strawberry.
The Herd Management's Sabbatical Spirit award goes to...John Spivey! He hits! He fields! He does cartwheels (sorta)! And he takes the brunt of Herd Management's postgame exuberance!
Random Herd Facts:
The police have developed a new, high tech bullet proof vest - it's a T-shirt with the Herd printed on it.
A watched pot boils instantly for the Herd.
The Herd isn't a cat person but if he was, he would own 3 lions, a snow leopard, and cougar.
The Herd once got a record deal for playing the air guitar. Two days later he started Metallica, then quit.
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