I don't want to talk about it.
NEXT WEEK:
I don't want to talk about that, either.
PREGAME FESTIVITIES:
I need a hug.
GAME NOTES:
Whew. What a roller coaster ride, huh? In a day whose pregame excitement would surpass the anticipation of March Madness, the Super Bowl, and the World Cup combined, your Mighty Purple Herd was not able to deliver the goods and fell to a tenacious, if not oddly unfamiliar, group of groomers (seriously, who were half of those people and did anyone check their paperwork?).
The day's festivities would start early and would continue often as a barrage of emails, video clips and Facebook posts would whip the Herd faithful into a frenzy not seen since Lady Gaga shot machine guns out of her hoo-hoos. Just like New York's hottest nightclub, Unnnnngggghh!, pregame had everything; Rod Stewart, Auto-Tune, Queen, Purple Lightning, Purple Tears, Garth Brooks, and Garth Algar (schwing!). And lest we forget that through the power of Twitter, ASU standout and Panthers wide receiver, Armanti Edwards, confirmed what we've known for some time - an athlete of his caliber can't help but love the Herd. And while the enunciation seems a bit off here (is it a B or an H?), it would also appear that your Herd is now also known among the animated world. And if you're still not convinced, just Google it. For realsies.
PGF introduced even more excitement, as Lindsey "Maggie Gyllenhaal" Yarborough came all the way from LA to sport purple, Dave "the cooler/unofficial photographer" Allred made a Herd jersey from scratch, and Nobu "ready for the storm, ready for the sun" Hatanaka made the trip from Japan (via the local SRT office) to provide that extra little bit of pep for the team. At the field, the support for the Herd would continue to grow as Ginger "I taught C-Nix everything he knows" Nixon brought unofficial Herd mascot Leroy, and in an unprecedented and record-breaking attendance move, Dawn "EVERYBODY loves Dawn" Stafford appeared out of the steam of the evening to cheer on the Purps.
As for the game, well, it started off slow, then got kind of awesome, then got really not awesome. The Herd bats chose to emulate Lindsay Lohan - locked up for a while, free on bail and reckless/crazy, then put back on house arrest. The end result would be a lead for most of the contest that would just melt away in the late innings. Sniff.
The Herd outfield played solid all night, as both John "Yes, that Sparkles nickname is gonna stick (sorry about that, pal)" Spivey and Bryan "when IS the last time you hit a double, doubles?" Timmons performed a double axel and a triple toe loop, respectively, on the slick outfield grass while still making (somewhat awkward) catches. Great fielding wouldn't be enough for Spivey as he went deep for the 2nd game in a row, paying the metaphorical bail to the Herd's batting imprisonment and getting things started on offense. Heather "Ice Cream sure would have been a nice treat on such a sweltering evening" Miller saved multiple extra base hits with her gold glove in RF and Erin "The Voice, Tuesdays on NBC" Haneline was nothing less than a brick wall on her return to LF, not letting a single ball by all night. These sisters also put a hurt on the ball like Herd Management put a hurt on two delectable Mexican meals in a short matter of hours.
The fun wasn't limited to the grass, as there was sparkling play in the dirt as well. J-Mill "Dyson, yes Dyson (because it's better than Hoover, duh)" Miller closed out the season with impeccable play at 2B. Shannon Craft Award's job behind the plate was only slightly edged out by her bat slinging. For you standardized test fans, SCA is to batting as Chuck Norris is to roundhouse kicks. Chad "Biggie, or Big E if you're John Spivey" White found the groove again and reached base repeatedly on pure will and his gazelle-like saunter. The high standard of play, sportsmanship, and pure excellence required of all Herd athletes was on full display last night by Scott "Goooooooooose" Walkush and Christopher "Leroy's Dad" Nixon. Goose was just a few well-place hits away from pitching us to victory, and C-Nix - well let's face it, that dude probably eats cereal better than the rest of us.
It is with great pride, a quivering lip, and a box of tissues at the ready, that we come to Ashley "The Legend" Perdue. Competing in what is rumored to be her last game with the Herd, AP did what AP does best. Everything. Her final at-bat couldn't have been written better. A-Dub steps in, gives the terror stare (TM), and proceeds to drill a beauty of a shot well beyond the dogs' left fielder, cruising in for a double and sending the Herd bench into near hysterics. The Herd, past, present, and future thanks you for all that you've done. We'll miss you.
And that, faithful readers, does it for Spring 2011. Preparations for Fall 2011 started 10 years ago and should be complete in time for preseason practice en route to a return to form and undefeated championship season.
Random Herd Facts:
One day the Herd wanted to prank the whole world, and so Justin Bieber was created.
ADD is not a chemical imbalance, it is a condition caused by the fact that it is impossible to concentrate knowing the Herd may strike at any time.
Superman and The Flash have a race around the world. Who wins? The Herd.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: the Herd once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he spit it back out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
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