Friday, March 23, 2012

Herd Wins, Holy Cow!

Not long ago, a wise man actor playing a wise borderline alcoholic sports commentator posed a serious question:

"Hey! If you were a hot dog...and you were starving, would you eat yourself?"  I know I would.  I'd smother myself in brown mustard and relish.  I'd be delicious.  What, my gentle Herd, does this have to do with last night's faux game?  I'm not really sure, honestly, but I am kind of hungry.

Last night the Mighty Herd once again whipped itself into a game-like frenzy to take on our friends at Tee Time.  Not since, well, ever has there been so much excitement around a game that counted for nothing but bragging rights, than there was last night on WP#4.  Since there was no official score keeper, I claim that we won by 37.

Led as always by Herd "I'm Half the Man I Used to be #loseit" Management, the Purps took to the field first to flash a little leather, and recorded a record 22 outs.  In one inning!  In perhaps the most exciting play of the young preseason, John "Sparkles, no wait, is it Flipper, no it's still Sparkles" Spivey made a catch that could only be described as eh-eh, eh-eh.eheheheh-tastic (ask Sparkles to translate that from dolphin to English).  Bryan "new aerodynamic face" Timmons ran down fly balls all over left center field and even caught a couple of them.  Oops.  Tomika "Sweet T" Fuller gave 162% effort at first base laying out and nearly making a play on a foul ball that rivaled that other purple team in town.  Seriously Tomika, you've already made the team, save some of that greatness for the regular season.

On the other side of the ball, the Herd put on a series of free clinics!

  • How to gracefully drop a bat in place after smashing the ball (101): Fantasy
  • How to hit the snot out of a softball (202): C-Nix
  • How to burn the opposing defense with unadulterated power (Seminar): SCA and Ice
  • Deceptive baserunning (PE): Biggie
  • Simply being awesome at life: Hep Cat Ketner and Goose
Next week, the Herd will again simulate battle with former dreaded rivals Compensated.  Be there!

Random Herd Facts:
The Herd is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for its bat and throwing arm.

The Herd won The Voice using only sign language

The Herd has a bear rug in its room. The bear isn't dead it is just afraid to move.

The Herd walked right into Area 51, bought a Snapple, and walked out. No one dared to move.

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