Friday, September 11, 2009

Herd Report for 09/11/2009



Good Morning Herd!!!
Last night:
Herd 20 GMAC 19
Compensated 24 Novant 4
Compensated 16 Incented 14
NEXT WEEK!!
Bye Week
Absent Next Week:
Nobody
Herd Notes:
Herd scored 41 runs v/s GMAC this year
The Herd has trailed in more innings this year than it did the entire spring season
In the 2nd game v/s GMAC in both the spring in fall seasons, the Herd won both games by 1 run each
Game Notes:
A volcano. A F-5 tornado. A cat 5 hurricane. A Lady Ga Ga concert. These are all things that are ridiculously awesome to watch, but probably extremely stressful to be a part of. Guess what can be added to that list my Beloved Purple Herd's. Thats correct, GMAC. The mightily improved GMAC's battled the Majestic Purps step for step yesterday evening, but ultimately fell short thanks to the clutch hitting of the Scintillating Herd Women and the unbelievable titanic jack, deep into the Washington Park woods by Herd Rookie Superstar Blake Murphy. In a game that saw a lead change in 4 of the 6 innings, it was the intestinal fortitude of Jessica Hendrix, CDUB and Shannon Craft who placed the Herd on their mighty shoulders in the bottom of the 6th, scoring 2 runs as time expired. CDUB's walkoff line drive into Left Center was more than the defense could handle, as it scorched the earth on its trek to the most outer regions of the Park Fence giving Shannon Craft award ample time to score the winning run from first as well as shoving Herd Management so hard into the fence rounding 3rd that HM now has permanent fence makings on his entire Greek god'esq body.
The unfairly talented Herd women set the tone for this epic duel early and often, led by Herd star Amanda Reddings emotional rendition of the timeless classic "worm" during warmups. Not only did Redding go forwards with the worm, but in a move that brought the fans and players to their knees, she also put it in reverse and went backwards. Its talent and ability such as this that sets the Mighty Purps apart from the rest of the league. The mighty worm, along with the other various pregame stretches, obviously set fire to the Herd bats. Bryan Timmons led off with a rare single, however the story of the inning had to be the accomplishment of Herd uberstar, THE FANTASY, Erin Haneline. It was obvious from the outset of the game that Haneline was out to prove a point that she belongs in the upper echelon of All Time Herd Stars. As she dug deep into the batters box, a calm fell over the stadium and a sense of history was in the air. As Fantasy unleashed a mighty swing, the entire softball universe knew that this was going to be to be a special at bat. Once the ball passed the Left Center Fielder for GMAC, Haneline knew that the moment was hers. Even though Herd Management tried to hold her up at 3rd, Haneline would have no part of that, crossing home plate in history fashion for her 1st ever career HERD DINGER. The history for the Herd women did not stop there. Shortly after Herd super rookie and current MLB SUPERSTAR Blake Taylor popped up in his first career at bat, his mighty girlfriend Jessica THE FREAK Hendrix hit a ball so hard that it brought tears to the gods for her 1st career Herd home run. As Hendrix slid into home, Herd management became so overcome with emotion that he broke down into a fit of tears and huddled under the bench in the fetal position for the remainder of the contest. Hendrix has solidified herself as one of the all time Herd Athletes, not only with her play on the field, but with her ability to actually respond to Herd Management text messages.
The Herd hits didnt stop there. Chad WILD THANG Biggie collected his first career multiple triple game in a Herd uniform and CNIX literally destroyed the glove of the GMAC shortstop with a screeching line drive and continues to make better plays from his knees at short than the rest of the league can make from their feet. Lets not forget AnnAmanda, who continues to hit better and run faster than 99.3% of the women on the league despite lathering herself up with 38lbs of Icy Hot before, during and after each game. Perhaps the story of the year however goes to Heather The Natural Haneline Miller. Miller, literally weeks (56 weeks?) after giving birth to perhaps the most athletic 1 year old in the history of babies, is already back at the top of her game. While Herd management still holds her at least partially responsible for the lack of ice cream sandwiches, she is given a pardon for her beyond spectacular play in the field.
Herd management would like to say a word about The Herds greatest all time player, Ashley Perdue. Play softball next game please. Ashley is by far the greatest scorekeeper in the history of the game, however she is 100 times a better player. There would not be a Herd today if not for the contributions of this great player year in and year out. Herd administration has deemed the September 25th contest v/s Novant as Ashley Perdue appreciation day. On this day it is requested that everyone bring in ice cream sandwiches and other spectacular tokens of appreciation for the Great One, A Dub.

***Evening Awards***
The "Shannon Craft" award for being Shannon Craft goes to SHANNON CRAFT for her game winning run and punishment of HM!!


The "Redding/Haneline" award for most gut wrenching slide goes to superstar Jessica Hendrix for her extraordinarily emotional slide into home. Hendrix has now slid in over 93% of the games this season.

The "Herd Bro-Mance" award goes to Blake Taylor. Dude you're awesome

The "I want to be you" award goes to Blake Taylor. Seriously Dude. Awesome

The "Start bringing lighters to the game dude" award goes to Biggie and Swaim for getting cussed out YET AGAIN for not having a lighter.

The "can I have your autograph" award goes to Blake Taylor. Awe. Some.

The "screw pregame festivities" award goes to the entire team other than CNIX and Timmons. We got free gift cards. Sweet.

Random Herd Facts:
The Herd invented a language that incorporates softball and punches to the throat. So next time The Herd is kicking your tail, don’t be offended or hurt, they may be just trying to tell you they like your hat.


Fear is not the only emotion The Herd can smell. The Herd can also detect hope, as in "I hope I don't get a roundhouse kick from The Herd."

There is endless debate about the existence of the human soul. Well it does exist, and The Herd finds it delicious.

The Herd can touch MC Hammer.


Thank you for your continued support of Herd Athletics,
Michael Swaim
Herd Management


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