Herdy Dancing

Last night:
Herd 17 Novant 0
Herd 16 Compensated 9
Incented 7 Compensated 8
GMAC 16 Novant 4
Incented 15 GMAC 6

NEXT WEEK!!
#1 Herd v/s Winner of #4/#5 @ 8:30 on Hanes Hosiery Field

Absent Next Week:
Nobody

Herd Notes:
Herd is your back to back THL Regular Season Champion
Herd has won 3 consecutive games v/s Compensated
Since losing 26-4 to Compensated in Spring 2008, Herd has won last 5 of 7

Game Notes:

I was dreaming when I wrote this, forgive me if it goes astray.
The Mighty Purps of Herd successfully completed the 2 game sweep of Novant and Compensated last night in true work(wo)manlike fashion to continue their reign as Tar Heel League regular season champions. In a sign of the dominance that was to come, Herd set a season attendance record at Pregame Festivus with 4 Purple Jerseys along with WXII 12's own Nicole Ducoer showing up for Andy Fansler Appreciation day. While the 9 dollar hot dog was delicious, the taste of dominating the once fierce compensateds was even more fulfilling.

In game one v/s Novant, it was the Herd Women who carried the Sensational Purps to victory. The defense of AnnaManda Holland and Ashley Perdue was nothing short of breathtaking, while super sub Jessica THE FREAK Hendrix came off the bench to provide an even higher level of dominance that could be imagined. The story of game one however was the mindnumingly amazing bat of Shannon Craft Award. Shannon hit the ball with such might and intensity that there other teams, fans and basic by standers were asking what type of steroids she uses. Heather Haneline Miller continues to dazzle and amaze on offense, defense and in game trash talking however her refusal to supply the Herd with ice cream sandwiches has not gone unnoticed. She did somewhat redeem herself by providing Wes Miller however.
The highlight of game one came with 2 on in the top of the 3rd when super slugger Chris Nixon stepped to the plate and the Herd only up 9 (or 3 by Novants scorebook). Nixon unleashed a mighty swing that brought the 5's of 10's of Herd fanatics to their respective feet, sending the $8.00 softball screaming through the humid Purple Night Sky with members of compensated looking on in shock, awe and soiled softball pants.

After the effortless beatdown of the Ants from Nov, it was time for the Herd to turn its attention to once proud Compensates of Cherry Street. Bryan Timmons led off with yet another extra base hit, becoming the all time single season record holder of hitting non singles in Herd History. From there it was time to go to work, as The Fantasy, Erin Haneline literally rolled up her sleeves and got down to business. Apparently Fantasy's business is not running out screeching ground balls to the pitcher. Chad Triple Zero White drove in the first run of the game with a seeing eye single up the middle that had the Sated defense discombobulated for the remainder of the evening.

A Herd/Compensated game can not happen without its fair share of controversy. In true compensated style, Napoleon Pitcher decided it would be a fantastic idea to slide into Wes "MR T" Miller to try to break up a double play, sending Wes hurdling through the air and landing firmly on his tight Fauxhawk. While this move of cowardness would have likely shaken the average player to the point of giving up on life, love and all things in between, it had a completely opposite effect on SuperStud Miller. As Miller stepped to the plate for his next at bat, one could literally feel the electricity charging through the air like a HERD of cattle. Homes miles away literally reported loss of power during this epic event, and the Atlantic Ocean Oceanographers up the entire eastern seaboard noticed a significant rise in tide. As Wes, or Mr. Miller if you're Nasty, took the mightiest of swings, sending the ball into its own celestial orbit, Herd, Compensated, Incented, Gmac, Novant, Todd Barr, Shannon Johnson, Freak Nasty Ump, fans, scorekeepers, celebrities, fictional characters, cartoon characters and historical icons all simultaneously bowed down to the most amazingly long home run ever hit. Ever. The ball was hit so far that it had an in flight movie and its own stewardess.

By the 5th frame Scott Walkush was hitting the ball with such viciousness and intimidation that the entire Compensated infield was actually playing in the outfield. The Walkush bat had the defense dazed and confused the entire evening. Not only was the Walkush bat mighty, his spectacular as always pitching had the Sated batters swinging at dust the entire evening.

While the play of the Herd was nothing short of spectacular, it was the sideline antics of the Mighty Purps that warmed the once cold heart of Herd administration. There was not one time during the game that HM did not glace over and notice acts of Herdness coming from the Purp athletes. The Haneline primal screams, Amanda's Herdy dancing, Hendrix taunts, whatever it is that AnnaManda does, and other acts of intimidation were a thing of beauty. Herd management thanks everyone involved in this special evening. Another special thank you goes out to Ashley ADUB Perdue for actually keeping up with the game, score, lineup and other situations that Herd management basically refuses to do at this point.

With the regular season behind us, it is now time to dominate the 1st ever THL tournament. We play at 8:30 v/s the winner of Incented or Gmac/Novant. If everything goes as planned, we will wrap this thing up in about 3 weeks.

***Evening Awards***
The "Shannon Craft" award for being Shannon Craft goes to the ENTIRE HERD TEAM for the mental smackdown placed upon the Sateds of Comp
The "Redding/Haneline" award for most gut wrenching slide goes to Erin Haneline for her, well she didnt exactly slide did she?
The "Nobody puts Wes in a Corner" award goes to the pitcher from Compensated. Dude, he's probably not the guy you want to mess with. Just Sayin...
The "Webster" award goes to the pitcher from Compensated for reasons unspecified.
The "Wojciechowski/Battier" award for laying himself out to make the fantastic play goes to CDub for the greatest play ever in the outfield. EVER.

Random Herd Facts:
The Herd smells what the Rock is cooking... because the Rock is The Herd's personal chef.

The Herd uses a night light. Not because The Herd is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of The Herd.

4 out of 5 doctors fail to recommend The Mighty Purps as a solution to most problems. Also, 80% of doctors die unexplained, needlessly brutal deaths.

The Herd never wet the bed as a child. The bed wet itself out of fear.

It was once believed that The Herd actually lost a fight to a pirate, but that is a lie, created by Purp himself to lure more pirates to him. Pirates never were very smart.

Thank you for your continued support of Herd Athletics,
Michael Swaim
Herd Management