Herd looks like a Lady

Last night:
GMAC 17 Novant 1
Incented 22 Compensated 18
Herd 6 Gmac 2

NEXT WEEK!!
Compensated v/s Novant @ 6:30<----Loser is eliminated
Herd v/s Incented @ 7:30 on Blum Field
Winner of Compensated/Novant v/s GMAC @8:30<----Loser is eliminated

Absent Next Week:
Ashley(?)

Herd Notes:
Herd has beaten GMAC by a combined 6 runs in 3 out of the last 4 games
Herd trailed in 3 consecutive innings for the 1st time all season
Herd has held GMAC to 3 runs in 2 out of the last 3 games.

Game Notes:

I can almost see it, that dream I'm dreamin'

Thanks in large part to the always sensational Herd Woman and in Biggie Part to Chad TRIPLE ZERO White, The Herd has advanced to the winners bracket after a ridiculously hard fought win over the absurdly improved Mac's from G. On this evening, the Herd decided to leave the bats at home and break out such a high level of defensive mastery that the pure sight of the Mighty Purp Defense confused the umpire to the point of not being able to tell a man from a woman, much less what inning it actually was. Jessica, the BY GOSH FREAK OF THE INDUSTRY, turned in one of the most completely and utterly amazing defensive efforts in the illustrious history of Herd 2nd basewoman, bailing the Herd out of multiple jams throughout the evening. Not to be out done was the defensive excellence provided Chad Dud in the outfield. The diving grab in the 1st inning that saved 3 runs still has Herd Management nauseous with emotion this wonderful morning. Aaron "THE FANTASY BUT NOW ITS JUST AWKWARD" Haneline also turned in a magnificent Mia Hamm'esq effort in the outfield, getting confused due to the soccer lines and actually making a spectacular kick of a line drive back into the infield. Herd management will request NO LINES for next week's game. Haneline was then subbed in for perhaps the most intimidating outfielder in the history of all mankind, ever, AnnaManda Holland. In 6 appearances in the outfield this season, not once has she had a ball even remotely hit in her direction. While some believe that this is simply due to the massive amounts of icy/hot she cakes on her entire body on an inning by inning basis, creating an invisible force filed that deflects balls in opposite directions, it is of Herd Management's opinion that teams are just insanely afraid of embarrassing themselves by hitting anything near her. At this point in the season, Herd Administration has run out of words to describe the unadulterated excellence turned in by the 1st basewoman duo of A-Dub-Perdue and Amanda "Dierty Dancing" Redding. While Amanda does tend to forget to actually go in the game from time to time, mainly due to her alternative pregame festivity'ing, A-Dub-Perdue is there to always encourage/wake her up when it is her turn in the rotation. For this, Herd Administration applauds A-Dub for her duties on the softball field and at this point off the softball field. In an evening where the Herd left their bats at home, only mustering a measly 6 runs on the evening, the one person who did manage to bring their bat to the game was Heather Haneline Miller. Miller, the busiest person on the team, was able to find time in her hectic day to find a baby sitter for her lovely baby boy, Jackson (not to be confused with C-Jax), battle a debilitating cold, bring her bat to the game, wash her jersey, plan a weekend in Boone, all between the 2nd and 4th innings. With all that she accomplished, it is unfortunate that she will be remembered for her lack of ice cream sandwiches and not her sickening level of softball domination. While Shannon Craft did not get to see any action in the field on this blustery evening, she was able to provide a much needed calming influence on Herd Management before, during and after this hotly battled contest, assuring HM that Ashley is on her way, even though you could still sense the doubt in Crafts eyes.

On this evening, where Timmons was one of the few bright spots on offense, Christopher Nixon made several mind numbing defensive plays at short and Scott pitched yet another perfect softball game, it was the rise of the Biggie that completely stole the show. Like Britany Spears's latest album "Circuis", Biggie staved off a recent rough stretch to completely and single handily will the MIGHTY BIG PURPS to victory with his super clutch 3-3 performance which included a gazelle like romp down the first base line and subsequently down the 2nd base line. Not only did Biggie shine at the plate, but his defensive coordination and skill and grace resembled that of a precious ballerina performing in her first New York City Show. Ballerina Biggie's overall play on the evening merits accolades normally reserved for ringing in of Popes, Presidents and Middle Eastern Dictators.

Herd Business:

Now Herd, it is time to get down to business. As predicted, the Mighty Purps have advanced to the winners bracket of the 2nd round, where we will face the surprising up-and-comers from Incented. This is the exact same Incented team that handed the Big Purp its only blemish on the season and dropped 22 runs on the once formidable Compensateds. This is also the same Incented that flat out wants to prove a point against the Big Dogs of the league, the Majestic Purps from Herd. This game will take on the feel of a final four game in the NCAA tournament so please be 110% prepared to come to battle for what is being deemed as BY FAR the biggest game in the history of the Mighty Purple Herd. The Winner of this game is awarded a spot in the Championship round at 7:30 the following Thursday.

***Evening Awards***

The "Shannon Craft" award for being Shannon Craft goes to AnnaAmanda for her admitting that she is only 17 years old and still in high school. Congrats!!

The "Redding/Haneline" award for most gut wrenching slide goes to UBERSTAR Scott Walkush for his gut wrenching (literally) and morally devastating slide into 2nd to preserve the inning.

The "Dude looks like a lady" award goes to Erin Haneline. Just wow.

The "Herd Management needs to sell his Xbox 360" goes to Herd Management. Seriously. Buy this delicious goodness from me so I can eat.

Random Herd Facts:
The Herd can hit you so hard that they can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What The &$@( was That?"

The Big Purps once picked a fight with a duck. The duck turned out to have several 10th degree blackbelts, and was the most formidable adversary The Herd ever faced. Funny how random the universe can be.

The Herd is believed to be an aphrodisiac in China.

The Herd makes onions CRY!!!

If a tree falls in the forest, does anybody hear? Yes. The Herd hears it. The Herd can hear everything. The HERD can hear the shrieking terror in your soul.

Thank you for your continued support of Herd Athletics,

Michael Swaim

Herd Management