Mightiest Shade of Purple 18, South Fork Electric 8
NEXT WEEK:
The Crew vs. Herd, 8:30, WP #3
Pregame Festivities, 5:30ish, location TBD (c'mon, all the cool kids are doin' it)
Game Notes: You see, Purps? It's long been rumored that a strong showing at the team-building, thirst quenching, social phenomenon known as Pregame Festivities (PGF) is integral to the Herd's success. Let last night serve as confirmation. PGF attendance was at near record levels last night with both members AND supporters of the Herd. Shout outs to Lindsey "Maggie Gyllenhaal" Yarborough, "Sister" Christian "Oh the time has come" Parsons, and Zack "no, sadly not Morris" for letting the Herd feel the love and discussing the finer points of, uh, dancing establishments.
Still glowing from the warmth of said festivities, the Mighty Herd descended upon Washington Park like a honey badger on a cobra, ready for the epic battle that would ensue and on this brisk evening, the Herd's bats could not be silenced. Bryan "why, oh why did I eat that delicious chicken sandwich" Timmons led things off, was quickly moved around that bases, and scored the first run of the evening after a clutch hit by Christopher "do your best and forget the rest" Nixon. And while one run wouldn't seal the deal, there was no looking back as the Herd would not relinquish the lead for the duration of the evening.
After their season-long hiatus, the Herd bats were wide awake and continued their assault on South Fork throughout the night. Shannon Craft Award's consistency at the plate is at such a high level as to draw comparisons to the tides, moon AND stars, all rolled into a tidy, fear-inducing package. Ashley "is that doubles nickname still available?" Perdue had what some might consider the best night of her long and storied career. While not confirmed, it is believed that her base hit that tucked inches inside the first baseline induced a single tear to fall from Herd Management's eye. It was likely in that moment that, even though far away, HM knew the outcome of the game. And let's not even begin to talk about Scott "let me just hold onto my hat while I leg out another in the park homer" Walkush. Well done, sir.
Last night's battle was truly a team win, and brilliance on this evening was not limited to the bats. J-Mil's hunger for a hit was satisfied, but it was her play in the infield that was truly remarkable. No less than 17* double plays were turned before the game was done (*This number has not been independently verified). In his Herd debut, James "I'm the new guy" Haire came off the bench to provide a spark on par with that static electricity shock you get after shuffling your sock feet all the way across the room before you touch the doorknob (you know exactly what I'm talkin' about). John "I'm not the new guy anymore!" Spivey flashed both leather and the brute force we've come to love in the outfield, and Biggie/Trip Zs/Gazelle White crafted the winning lineup AND speared a laser beam at third base in a move that screamed, "not in our house, not tonight". Fantasy Haneline brought in the Herd's newest recruit but didn't stop there, as she made a sparkling catch in left that left the South Fork bench slack-jawed. Even Amanda "Kriss Kross will make you Jump! Jump!" Redding got into the action behind the plate by snatching a pop foul out of the air like a small child would snatch a Tickle-Me-Elmo off the shelf at your local Wal-Mart (that's still a thing, right?).
It would be easy for a lesser team to rest on their laurels after a game like this, but not the Herd. Mental and physical preparations have already begun for next week's showdown with the mega-stacked and well-equipped Crew. No one wash their game uniforms or bathe, and everyone from PGF please plan to attend again next week. Please also sit in the same seat and order the same delicious treats (we'll need all the help we can get from whatever superstitions may linger in the Thursday league).
Awards!
The Shannon Craft Award for being Shannon Craft award goes to...Ashley Perdue! You may indeed take ownership of "Doubles".
The Redding/Haneline award for most gut-wrenching slide goes to...John Spivey! Whether intentional or due to equipment malfunction, your tireless work in the outfield is a thing of beauty.
The Herd Management's Sabbatical Spirit award goes to...Chad White! Your willingness to step in, manage the lineup and foster the must-win attitude of the Herd is truly remarkable.
Random Herd Facts:
The Herd CAN read Lady Gaga's P-P-P-Poker Face
Contrary to popular belief, the Titanic didn't hit an iceberg. The ship was off course and accidentally ran into the Herd while it was doing the backstroke across the Atlantic.
The Herd uses the Shake Weight. No one dares to laugh.
The Herd can get breakfast at McDonalds after 11. At Taco Bell.
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