Def Leopard 19, Purps 9
NEXT WEEK:
South Fork vs. Herd, 8:30, WP #2
Pregame Festivities, 5:30ish, location TBD (but you should plan to come)
Game Notes: World hunger. Donald Trump's hairstyle. The popularity of Rebecca Black. Back to back Herd losses at the hands of team named for an 80s hair band. What are "Inexplicable catastrophes of 2011" for $200, Alex? A night that began triumphantly with a new pregame festivity record for percentage of attendees employed by the same company (100%), ended on a more somber note after the Mighty Purple Herd fell to some other team 19 - 9.
In what would be a harbinger of things to come, the game started off with "Doubles" Timmons being shackled to first base. No confirmation as of press time if this season's plate performance has Doubles filing the necessary paperwork for a name change (does Pop-out have the same ring?). The Herd's bats were slow to wake up this evening, but in a shocking turn of events, the opposing pitcher decided to (gasp!) pitch to Christopher "you can put those balls from last week on my tab (twss)" Nixon. In typical MVP fashion, C-Nix batted the ball around like an annoying fly at a BBQ all night.
After missing last week's action, Jennifer "Monica Seles has nothing on my battle swing yell" Miller was back in the lineup. In what can only be described as untimely gusts of wind or voodoo curse, two surefire extra base hits were pushed just foul, leaving the Herd bench mystified and the Motlee Crew feeling relief typically only offered by a double dose of Kaopectate. Biggie "Don't waste your time trying to throw me out at first" White helped spark the Herd to life when he not only legged out a textbook single, but stretched it into extra bases. Ashley "The Staredown" Perdue continued her onslaught of every record known to Herdkind by not only fighting off the blinding sun at first base, but delivering hit after glorious hit.
Amanda "prodigal son (daughter)" Redding didn't let a little parking snafu dampen her spirits and once again brought the spark that was desperately missing from the fall. Herd newcomer John "get in my belly, ball" Spivey showed prowess at the plate and taught everyone on both teams that you need not field the ball with your glove when, in fact, tackling it is equally as effective (and much more fun to watch). The hustle and will to win of Shannon Craft Award continues to inspire men, women and even unborn children to reach for the stars, and can be summed up in one word. Awesomesauce.
While under the gun and approaching a loss by Herd, er, mercy rule, the team needed to look no further than Scott "I like the grand salami" Walkush. You might think mowing through their batters like the clover patch in my backyard would be enough. Not for Goose. Another game, another in the park grand slam for the Herd's mental, spiritual and physical leader. Also hot at the plate was Fantasy Haneline, who put on a brilliant display of multi-sport talent by kicking a batted ball with form that Pele could only describe as legend-(wait for it)-dary. Not to be outdone, Ice Cream Miller gave the 122.487% that everyone has come to expect/appreciate/admire both in the field and on the scorebook.
Perhaps the most devastating blow the Herd would suffer all night came before the game even started. Herd Management, your witty banter, Wooooooo!'s, and Herd Report writing skills were sorely missed. Please, oh, please come back to us.
The Herd will look to right the ship next week at 8:30 vs. South Fork Electric. Plenty of time for strategery at PGF to commence at 5:30ish.
Random Herd Facts:
The Herd can text on a payphone.
Fear of spiders is called arachnophobia, fear of tight spaces is called claustrophobia, fear of the Herd is called Logic.
The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs The Herd. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.
The Herd has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.
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